Ideation

Suicidal thoughts
Have not led to suicidal tendencies,
At least not here,
Not now,
Though I know
You only need to get it right once,
But how,
Where and when,
Purging questions that do not give way
To an advance or reappraisal of this current tumult,
My endless passions aflame
With the fires of personal revolution
Over which I have no control.

Suicidal thoughts,
Daily,
In fact almost every waking minute
And disturbed dream is
In one way or another
Pointing me in a direction,
One way,
From which there is no return,
Though there might be solace,
Fade to black.

Suicidal thoughts,
Empty bastions of persistent pain,
A pain that so few understand,
One so few have known,
From which,
To my view the only recourse,
Is one I dare not take,
As with my demise,
While these words live on,
Those that are yet unwritten
Die forever and
Forever is a pretty long time,
Infinite,
From what I understand.

Suicidal thoughts,
Ways and means of effecting a permanent solution
To what I’m told is a temporary problem,
A laughable conclusion for anyone that cannot or
Will not see,
For if this is temporary I would hate to know what permanent is,
But fear not my friends, readers and fans,
This piece is my catharsis,
Purging suicidal tendencies,
But the thoughts,
They always
Remain.

SDM

 

Submitted for Open Link Night at dVerse. It is a great collection of writers from around the world. You should check them out if you haven’t already.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Ideation

  1. Sender,

    I have missed your writings and the insights so blatantly honest and raw that you give to the haunting disorder of bipolar. A label these days given to people who truly do not have it but therapists find it easy to keep people coming to their offices to bill. The true people with this disorder are whispered about as if we are hypocondriacs, looking for meds. How so many search for the words, scream in silence at the lonliness, solitude, and isolation we feel. Please keep writing, you are a voice for many.
    Wysteria

  2. hedgewitch

    Thoughts and fantasies, and writing them, are often a most effective release.Also, voicing your problems helps the many many others who feel exactly the same and think they stand alone.

  3. i feel you….there is a voice that if you listen to will lead you there…to take the easy way out…to leave it all for someone else to clean up…but then again that is the easy way…

  4. This was awesome…seriously! Found much with which I could relate.

  5. I’ve always seen my writing as catharsis for feelings and emotions..it’s as necessary as eating or breathing….however, I wish you peace & love in your continued fight against this illness….but it’s great to read you again! I’ve missed your poetry…

  6. I understand. How great to see you post something here. Miss reading you.

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