My Destiny Starts Now…

In my own self loathing and ignorance of me,
It is so easy to assign blame to the world at large,
For that which thrust me to the edge,
Where on the precipice,
I could gaze at the void before me,
And spit vitriol,
At any that would listen,
The void that they led me to,
With false hopes and faded promises,
Instead I retreat,
Into my own isolation,
Broken not beaten,
Trying to rejoin my spirit,
Which, momentarily, left my body,
Falling prey and victim,
To the cruel and calculated words that struck me,
Like daggers in the heart,
As my soul bled all over the floor,
Staining more than my ego,

In that retreat,
I did not surrender to the darker places in me,
That begged me to give in,
That entreated me to lose all will,
And fall into that devilish place,
Where Gabriel roams,
And Gollum screams of precious,
For surely in the pits of hell,
Or Mordor,
I can see clearly,
What that place begged of me,
Like a game of chess,
Treating me like a pawn,
But no longer will I accept that place,
Those desires,
That are not my own.
Rather a veiled attempt,
To force my hand,
And make me give in,
No I say,
I will not.

By years of inconsequence,
By people who cared not for me,
Instead using me like a tool,
A hoe or a rake,
A mouthpiece,
A vehicle for their success,
Knowing the full while,
That I was struggling to survive,
They eating from their silver platters,
My eating soup and crackers,
The scent of an alcohol soaked stairwell forever etched on my mind,
No more I say,
No more.

They say that fame is fleeting,
And yet in this hyper celebritized culture,
All are seeking their fifteen minutes,
Warhol said so,
And Campbell’s must be right,
Or Mao,
Or Marilyn,
My internal clock reads the time,
And my fifteen minutes haven’t yet begun,
My destiny starts now,
With you,
Would you like to come?



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