Monthly Archives: June 2012

Born, Struggling, Reborn

This dark companion,
Mine,
Mutiny of this mental bounty,
Treasured escort, expensive though she may be,
A strange and vile whore whose demands, unruly
Sends the mind in a million directions,
Depression casting shadows,
Silhouettes lounging in manic Bipolar representations,
My mind, my minds,
Thoughts firing from dirty synapses,
Caked with self doubt and loathing,
Requiring an intentioned look,
Deep within a self,
That has split in three,
Each shattered part,
A necessary construct for the whole,
One that cannot know,
One that I strive to know,
One that undresses me daily,
The incitements of self-deprecation,
Enticements,
Far beyond anything that could consciously be believed.
 
This brooding bitch,
My Black Dog,
Shared with people the world over,
Proverbial Moriarty to my Sherlock,
Nemesis,
Yet a necessary antecedent,
To unlock the chains,
My chains,
Those make ankles raw,
I seek the personal transformation,
Cocooning no longer,
Instead, fluttering these synapses wings,
That this beautiful monarch,
Butterfly,
May finally reveal,
To its own self,
My own self,
What is unconditionally true,
Taking flight,
Hoping to restore,
Me to me,
I and I and I,
Reborn.
 
This dark companion
Stretching this I,
The dominant I,
To reaches that prove manifestly wrought,
With sleepless nights,
Listless days,
Countless cups of black coffee,
Nicotine stained fingers,
Rings of blue smoke swirling into the great unknown,
Where these words that must find their way,
Find my way,
The I way.
 
This brooding mental construct,
With the destructive force,
Of Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
So too is a tormented endeavor,
Honouring the bright light within,
That seeks to shine,
That seeks to inspire,
That seeks to aspire,
Shall the creative force,
Do battle and away with,
This darkened companion,
My Black Dog,
Or must it stay,
That I may continue along the Muses path,
Claiming rightfully and without conceit,
The calling realized,
The day I was born;
 
Warrior Poet.
 
SDM
 

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Love’s Song

 
Love’s song,
That beautiful melody,
Of uncharted yet explored inventions,
Mysterious and complex whimsy,
Heard the world round,
Two by two,
Souls unexplained affections,
Those that outstrip reason,
None required,
When two eyes clash wondrously,
Sometimes from across a room,
Other times across a table on a first date,
And still others people that a lifetime have been known,
But not KNOWN,
To each other,
Then a deep enthralling kiss,
One that changes lives forever,
True expression of Cupid’s design,
So powerful and unrelenting,
(not to mention divinely impressive)
It recalls love’s first entrancing moment,
Youthful exuberance,
Blind, not yet aware,
Of the complexities of such splendor,
The electrical charge,
Informing of nature’s role,
When two lips, tongues and bodies collide,
Demanding inelegantly of them,
All that they are,
Good, bad or indifferent,
Opening up oneself,
Freely and without compromise,
Such that usual distortions,
The masks worn by all,
Fall to the wayside,
Scolded by emotion,
Reason leaves,
Allowing chemical actions and reactions,
Between two otherwise uninterested bodies,
Those now share a universal truth,
While interlocked in sweet surrender,
Lounging inside each others insecurity,
Discovering what it means to be truly alive,
To be who and what they are,
Letting loose the howling winds of insecurity,
While in another’s arms,
Feeling the absolute safety of truth,
Honour, trust, hope and the possibility,
For a lifetime,
Of shared illusion,
Captured perfectly,
In the glint of that lovers eyes,
When love’s song,
Is played within.
 
SDM

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Peter Pan, I am !

 
Peter Pan,
I am,
“So come with me, where dreams are born,
and time is never planned.
Just think of happy things,
 and your heart will fly on wings,
forever, in Never Never Land!”
In search of that new land,
Where wonder can meet wisdom,
Where insight can meet ignorance,
Where my mind can finally inflame my own destiny,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
Peter Pan,
I am,
The radical little misfit,
Trying to find my way through this world,
Rife with personal terror and general strife,
Do you think me crazy?
Do you think me mad?
Do you think it silly,
That a supposed grown man,
Should relate to a boy man,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
Peter Pan,
I am,
In that I live in a realistic dream,
Of unrealistic design,
That my greatest love and my greatest fear,
Are contained in a single grain of sand,
Every grain of sand,
Though not in Never Land,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
Peter Pan,
I am,
I sing the body electric,
I take the road not taken,
I am where the sidewalk ends,
Still I rise,
To you,
I have been touched by an Angel,
And I refuse to go gently into that good night,
For I am a seeker of the truth,
Walking around,
The broken hearted,
For this is a life,
My life,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
Peter Pan,
I am,
No longer twenty five,
Nor thirty five,
But only a child,
A lost and wandering child,
In search of you,
In search of you,
And I make no qualms,
For all you need is a little pixie dust,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
Peter Pan,
I am,
And all the world’s a stage,
A poison tree,
O Captain, My Captain,
I know why the caged bird signs,
Dream deferred,
No longer,
For I will fly,
I long to fly,
I must fly,
Peter Pan,
I am.
 
SDM
 
 

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Quite a Predicament… The Scourge of Mental Illness

Quite a Predicament…

Time is not on my side,
Not even remotely,
Time is my enemy,
As I have struggled to be who I want to be,
In the service of others,
Loosing track of me,
To the point that I have compartmentalized three I’s,
I and I and I,
Each purpose built,
By subconscious realities,
To protect me,
Uplift me,
Propel me to live for just one more day,
Consistent with who and what I think myself to be,
Consistent with my Phoenix soul,
Alighting this Warrior Poet,
The blood of my ancestors,
The Irish brogue,
And the brash Scottish strength,
For I am what I am,
And this horrendous struggle is nothing,
Compared to the toil that those who know me face,
Family, Friends and lovers all,
Caught in the web of an ever increasing conundrum,
As I run away,
I run away,
But not from you, my family and friends,
No, I’ve run,
Far enough away that the city that scares me,
The inhabitants that cause my paranoia,
The streets lining my anxiety,
Simply by existing,
And I am not satisfied with existing,
NO, I want to live,
I want to breath in life,
That I may exhale words,
I want to eat my sorrows,
That I can reclaim the parts of me,
That I know,
That I need to know,
That only I can know,
For I will not reveal,
To you,
You,
Or you,
What I, I and I face,
I will not reveal to you,
The descending cloud of madness,
Over thought,
Over wrought,
Never sought,
These spinning conclusions,
Of a mind in revolution,
Rather than a revolutionary mind,
Wondering is there room for both,
There has to be room for both,
If I am to go on,
Can I claim all that is I,
To finally be whom and what I am,
Can I take stock of and hold,
The inner child and demons,
The parts of me that frighten you,
Entice you,
Excite you,
Making you feel what you feel,
So from my safe castle,
In Northern Ontario,
Where I fight these demons,
And the clock,
Where I struggle with my own understanding,
Knowledge and self awareness,
As the hours tick by,
And the days lead to weeks,
Weeks to months,
And months to years,
And I continue to spin,
Hopefully into and not out of control,
I understand your worries,
Your troubles,
And considerations that break you in two,
Four or a million little pieces,
Wanting to follow your heart,
While being lead by your head,
I understand,
I really do,
And time,
Time is not on my side,
And seemingly never has been,
But tomorrow,
As they say,
Is another day,
One day further away from my struggle,
One day closer to my arrival,
At the summit of my life,
The mountain that I must scale,
Zenith and all,
Back to me.

SDM

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