Of This I Am Certain

Of this I am certain,
I am certain of nothing at all,
For fleeting happiness is a drug,
Like heroin,
To which we all aspire,
Though its strings are unlike a quartet’s composition,
For there are no Mozarts’ here,
From which an ode to joy will spring,
Each of us,
Destined to perform our own Liszt or Beethoven,
Yet handcuffed by experiences,
Those defy logic and reason,
And do little to impart the type of inspiration,
Divine,
That such pleasure and accomplishment requires.

Of this I am certain,
I am certain of nothing at all,
A large family, the tree from which I am sprung,
Filled with brothers and sisters who,
Like me,
Fall victim to the honey trap of potential,
Each of us spies, for one or the other,
Though never both,
The sting of our parent’s designs on our lives,
The burn that sears this flesh,
With decaying hope and singed desire,
Though it is not for poet, Warrior, or another to decipher,
What true life should bring,
As experience is the mother of all teachers,
Though,
What pray tell have we learned?
Other than pain and discord,
Now giving roots to families extension,
Masquerading as something more,
Perhaps for they,
Perhaps for them,
Though not for me.

Of this I am certain,
I am certain of nothing at all,
For when no one is around,
Sitting in self imposed isolation,
I can no more beg forgiveness,
Than I can pretend that this life isn’t killing me,
Just as it is you,
I can no more project my desires,
Upon my family and friends,
Than I can a youthful innocent half a world away,
For this simple truth the price is dear,
Terrified personal insurrection,
Potential the curse,
I curse potential,
I curse, this illness,
The one that requires me to relent,
To years of failure,
Years of bashing my head against the wall,
Years of not being good enough,
Or too good,
Years of wanting to help,
To be what others wanted,
To lose me,
And now having taken myself for granted;

Of this I am certain,
I am certain of nothing at all,
Save for this,
I write, therefore I am.

Scribo Ergo Sum!

SDM

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1 Comment

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One response to “Of This I Am Certain

  1. Wil

    ha. I have a friend that has taught me that “I know that I don’t know, and as soon as I realize that then I’ll begin to know.”

    The part about family and expectations reminds me of things I was taught as a child like, “you can do anything you put your mind to.” What a bunch of BS! I have come to now believe that I can do anything my mind is capable of doing at the time, but to buy into the fallacy that I have the power to instill talents and traits within myself by sheer will is ludicrous! I’m not God!

    And around every corner, society belabors us with the “if I can do it, you can, too” BS, which makes me laugh out loud these days and respond, “Nooooo…if you can do it then you can do it. End of story.”

    Your writing is really thought-provoking. Thanks.

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