Yet I Persist!

My personal limitation is one beyond words,
As I toil in the struggle for my life,
Having been and done everything for everyone but me,
Now it seems,
As I am like the phoenix rising from the ashes,
Icarus with wings renewed,
Flying dangerously closer to the sun than ever before,
For I am the chosen light,
The Warrior Poet,
That still fights with the bottle,
Soberness more or less not in the cards,
As I bluff with myself,
That I am in control of those run away feelings,
For I am not in control,
I am being managed,
By science and therapy,
Both in session and alone,
Fighting with my splintering personalities,
For the supremacy of one mind,
In place of three,
These words, seemingly prefabricated,
Somewhere out there,
In the ether,
The universe or my soul,
Who can say,
For certainly I maintain,
As I always have,
That these words,
These little nuggets of creation,
Are from my hand,
But are directed as a conduit,
By some other force out there in the wild unknown,
A specific kismet,
Brought with my birth,
Whereby I commune with the past,
And create the future,
While living inelegantly in the present,
Stuck on my own inadequacy,
Burdened by my insecurity,
As this Black Dog,
Unleashed runs circles around me,
An ever tightening grip,
Forcing my hand,
Where a bluff will no longer suffice,
My sanity,
Or lack there of,
Crippled,
As notarized by doctors, specialists and psychiatry,
Where my prognosis is cautiously optimistic,
Guarded,
As each day I cross,
Back and forth,
Unabated even by pharmacological care
Between genius and insanity,
Feeling as if I am all alone,
Fighting,
Always fighting,
Left bruised and battered,
By I and I and I,
Yet I persist.

SDM

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1 Comment

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One response to “Yet I Persist!

  1. Wil

    oh, wow…you’re still drinking? My psych medications never worked when I used to drink. Tough spot to be in – one I completely can relate to.

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