An Unexamined Life

“ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ”
Socrates

Hours of days,
Days of weeks,
Weeks of months,
And months of years,
I have stood at the precipice,
Teetering on that very thin line,
Seeking, searching and penetrating within,
Those dark aspects of my existence,
That had lain dormant or just beyond grasp,
Ignored with great malice,
My depression, my solitude, my fears,
As now I sit in retreat from those ills that ail me,
Yet, as I probe deeper and deeper,
Into who and what I am,
I find that the answers are not out there,
In the great abyss,
Rather they lay just within reach,
Inside the infinite universe of my thoughts,
Inside my own soul,
Rummaging as I do my own ego and id,
Foraging as I have these painful memories,
Those that now are absent,
As this mind continues playing necessary tricks,
To keep me on the right side of the line,
Sane,
Yet still I ferret my own conceptions,
My own beliefs,
These struggles that do not define me,
Instead present a light, chosen,
That is dying for the living,
While marching ever closer to the dying,
Trying to finally be what the Gods intended,
Such is the examination of my life,
A keen awareness,
An honest appraisal,
Of everything it means to be me,
Who I am,
What I am,
Who I seek to be,
What I need to do to get there,
What I need to give up to get there,
Those dark shadows cast,
My Black Dog only infuriates those,
Churchill’s gift to me two fold,
My growling demonic beast,
And words,
For I am nothing,
Nothing without these words,
These words are my definition,
And my definition is organic and living,
Breathing as I do,
Words,
They are all I have,
Having chosen, through determination,
To escape the world that haunted me with every step,
That cursed me and the day I was born,
Unsure or unable to deal with the fragments of me,
Those fragments,
That I and only I,
Can explore, investigate and consider,
Open like a book,
You may flip through the pages of me,
Find my darkness,
While still my light,
Choosing as you wish which is of more value to you,
For I know my value, untapped or otherwise,
Though my purpose and promise are as inseparable,
As my mind is from my skin,
I have delved, rooted around and hunted,
The repressed memories of me,
My childhood,
My adolescence,
My now adult life,
Hoping that I may find the spark,
That ignited this mental firestorm,
While, as yet, found,
I know,
In the examination of self,
I am getting ever closer to the pinnacle of my own substance,
The pinnacle of me,
For I, like Socrates, have found,
The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being.

Do you have the courage?
The mental fortitude
The strength of character and conviction,
To do the same?

For if you do,
Your life, just as mine,
Will be dramatically improved,
As you discover,
YOU,
The real you,
Not the supposed,
Nor the imagined,
The dressed up or artificial mask you present,
The real you,
You.

SDM

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