Monthly Archives: November 2012

Longing for YOU!

I still find myself thinking of you,
The lustful fire that brought us together,
The intense passion that swirled,
That mentally still does,
One I can recall at any moment,
Merely by imagining your perfect little body,
Your inspiring mind,
Your beautifully menacing smile,
Realizing that you saw a piece of me,
That I myself am yet to understand,
Of course it is too soon,
And in your care and compassion,
You had the verve to tell me,
Though I still think about both good,
And long times,
Pondering the smile on your balcony,
The one that revealed things in an instant,
that neither of us wanted revealed,
for passion is not love,
desire is not love,
lust is not love,
even if it is on fire,
with you I found that it was alright,
for me to be myself,
for you accepted all of me,
knowing that I was wounded,
knowing that I still am,
I still find myself thinking about you,
How words slipped from my mouth,
That I wish I could have contained,
Lashing out at you,
In place of another,
Lashing out at you,
Because of another,
And that leaves me empty and cold,
Wishing that I could somehow turn back time,
Take back the tempered insanity,
The alcohol fueled rage that had absolutely nothing to do with you,
Yet,
I can’t take it back,
I can’t change it,
Though I must seek to understand it,
To understand me,
To find the space to allow myself,
Once again,
To find my way if not to you than another,
And another and another,
Seeking,
My greatest desire,
Still unattained,
My greatest desire,
May remain,
Unfulfilled,
Creating a chasm that no lilac can fill,
For I know what I did,
Though I don’t know how,
I know what I did,
Though I don’t know why,
Involving you in a melodrama that had begun,
Less than a month before,
Lashing out at you,
In place of another,
And you knew,
And you knew,
Still your kindness reigned,
And you forgave me my alters trespass,
You forgave me though maybe not him,
For I certainly have not,
And now all I have,
Is the dazzling memory,
The marvelous surrender of me to you,
And you to me,
Of tender kisses,
Of caressing you as you slept,
Of the distinct sweat smell of two bodies thoroughly engaged,
Carried to me on imagined gusts,
That lingers on me,
As your fingers did,
And I am longing for you,
As I think about your smile.

SDM

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Who Are You Meant to Be?

I want to travel into the void of human essence,
Firmly planting myself in the subconscious revelations,
I want to soak up all it means to be real,
So that I may better understand this world,
Humanity,
And my position in ascending wonder,
Excited by the possibility of something so rare,
That it defies description,
I want to experience something new,
That I may find myself,
Once more with feelings,
Desires and emotions,
Those are fleeting in the abyss of my own considerations,
At every step I am faced with mountains,
That I must scale,
Or shout from the foothills of surrender,
MOVE Mountain,
MOVE,
For I know that within our misunderstood minds,
Lay the opportunity for a higher calling,
The promise of the mind yet unspoken,
For fear of what may come if we did,
Our collective conscience the power of the divine,
The true power of the divine,
GOD is within,
Each of us are GOD,
The trouble being that we are confused,
Distracted by the talking heads and consumerism,
In spite of the freedoms that we have,
We are just lemmings waiting to drive ourselves off the cliff of what we could be,
For the settling of what we are,
I wonder if ever we will collectively be so strong,
That we can move not only mountains,
But move each other,
To a place that is our fate,
Cause virtual big bangs daily,
That uplift and enrich not just our lives but all life,
Animal, plant and man,
Finally revealing prospects that were foreign only moments before,
Let our laughter determine the direction that we will take,
Moving away from fear and sorrow,
Finding delight and joy in our decisions,
Discovering what true freedom is,
Leaving our belongings behind,
Save for those that are needed not wanted,
For material possessions destroy our innocence,
In so doing, finding that the essence of the human spirit, is to LOVE,
LOVE is GOD,
Finding that our future is determined by the little choices we make,
When chance reveals all,
The new paradigm,
Shift,
A beautiful framework where passion be our guide,
Virtue be our only expression,
Where we can dine on the satisfaction of our peers,
All men and women are created equal,
It is the moments after birth that our destiny becomes perverted,
Guided not by our intuition or inner voices,
But instead driven by the desire to create the idyllic life,
As sold to us my television, movies and magazines,
YES your ass does look fat in those jeans,
But does it MATTER,
Does it REALLY matter,
Being who and what you are is the truest form of beauty there is,
It seems as if we lunch on prospects that we cannot conceive of,
Though in the rift of time and space,
Our eventual detection,
Will set us on a course of wild abandon,
As we run the race around an oval track,
That stretches to the furthest reaches of our currently pitiful grasp,
As poet warrior,
It is sad but true,
This dream,
This fantasy,
This story may never come true,
As we seem determined to stay with the status quo,
Cookie cutters,
One after another after another,
The same,
Where it is only our individualism that will unearth the secrets,
Those that currently elude us,
A simple literary fantasy,
That while burning your retinas as you read,
Will escape your mind moments later,
For it would seem we only exist inside the lens,
Of instant gratification.

SDM

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I Sing The Thief Eclectic

I Sing The Thief Eclectic…

Wall Street,
NYSE and NASDAQ,
Tokyo and London.
Hong Kong and Euronext,
Shanghai and Toronto,
Bombay and The National Stock Exchange of India,
BM&F Bovespa and Deutsche Borse,
Shenzhen, SIX Swiss and BME Stock exchanges,
Mathematicians, statisticians, engineers,
Computer programmers,
Bankers and Lawyers,
Oz like controllers,
Financial wizards,
Modern Pharisees,
Clear pretension dressed up,
In Brioni suits and Zegna ties,
Bally and Ferragamo shoes,
Chauffeured Lincoln Town cars and Maybachs’
Ferraris’ or Phantoms’,
Excesses thrown in the faces of those abused,
Stock markets purpose built,
To take from the working man,
The money earned through sweat, blood and tears,
Complex financial instruments that traders themselves barely understand,
But they don’t need to, do they,
No their soul purpose in this grand game,
Is buy or sell,
Nothing more,
Though the proverbial Wizards,
Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Chase and Morgan Stanley,
Each designing and self-defining,
More complex pyramids for capital flight,
Holding companies and tax shelters,
Even the regulations they write due to lacking oversight,
Whereby the workingman gets screwed again,
Corporations paying little to no tax,
Wall Street the world over,
Trading,
Credit Default Swap,
Derivatives,
Or Municipal bonds,
Effective snipers in the belfry,
Killing the hard earned gains of the working poor,
Retirement plans instantly destroyed,
By those who still earn more today,
In one year,
Than most investors will make in twenty,
No wonder that the best and brightest gravitate to those ivory towers,
Aspire to their own Maybachs or Phantom,
For they’re hard work pays off,
Their manicured nails and pedicure feet,
Never having seen what a true hard days work is,
Making it all the easier to push their shit, (Goldman internal expression)
On unsuspecting people who naively believed that traders,
Their brokers,
Worked for their investments best interests,
Not so says the Deputy,
The late to the party Sherriff  (Governments) who handed out,
Little penalty and no jail time,
The ridiculous timidity, with which they dealt these fools,
Carte blanche,
For one of the greatest heists of the last century,
The same power as they had before,
To pick the pockets of you and I,
While slamming our heads in a door.

SDM

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Vide Cor Meum


Vide Cor Meum,
“and thinking of her, sweet sleep overcame me,”
uno soave sonno
As it should,
For she is a distant memory,
A dream once lived,
A life once promised,
A love once requited,
But no more,
Not for this fool,
Now a nightmare delivered,
As thinking of her,
Made sleep elusive,
My heart trembling,
My soul crying,
My mind fearing,
That these words,
Are all I know,
And nothing more shall I be granted,
Lowly fool,
Insolent and arrogant ass,
“joy is converted, to bitterest tears,”
Vide cor meum,
I am not at peace,
I am not at peace,
As dangled right before my eyes,
Right before my life,
Was the opportunity for more,
And I had blown it,
My tender heart,
Feeling as though it had stopped,
Been stomped upon,
Feeling as if this was the new normal,
And that sweet sleep,
Now gives way,
To tortured insomnia,
I am not at peace,
As I seek the precious,
I am not at peace,
As I long for more,
“I am your master, See your heart”
my heart is burning like the sun,
humbled by love’s retreat,
“weeping, I saw her then depart from me,”
As Dante suggested;

“So that I desire to be like one
who to conceal his poverty through shame,
shows joy outwardly,
and within my heart am troubled and weep”
 
When will these tears stop,
When shall this river of despair dry up,
Is it in the knowing that someday,
this bitter heart,
will again enjoy,
the piece of the heart,
that is reserved for the greatest of loves,
the grandest,
and these bitter tears,
will give way,
to whatever this heart will allow,
though questioning still,
Will love return?

“ego dominus tuus”
I long for you to be my master,
Seen in my heart,
Since my birth,
Oh love,
Where are you now?
Where will you be when I am ready?

La Vita Nuova

Vide cor meum.

SDM

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Heavenly Conceived… Earthly Believed

Muse,
How have you so gracefully danced once more,
Right into the forefront of my greatest wish,
My most fervent request of time,
With a generosity and elegance all your own,
You have entered my soul,
Embracing it,
Uplifting it,
Inspiring and alighting it,
Traipsing around leaving persistent beauty,
One that radiates through every atom of my being,
Simply from the depth of your smiles resonance.

May I beseech you?
Allow me this intrusion,
Into your subconscious,
Allow me to dance, as you have,
Over the qualms and quandaries of the mundane,
Inserting the suggestion of intimate grandeur,
Let me break down the walls,
Your walls,
Those carefully constructed constraints,
Those have held you prone but not able,
To capture that sweet sensation you beseech,
Unable or unwilling to break free,
From those convictions that are no longer useful to you,
Unnecessary.

For shall you allow me this foray,
Deep within the hidden structures of your desire,
Further permit me to build a new construct,
Inalienable,
Carefully, insightfully and with chivalrous intent,
Please, may I entreat you?

Close your eyes, control deftly the cadence of your breathing,
Imagine if you will,
That these words are wings,
That will carry you to your greatest wish,
Your most profound happiness,
Continue to allow these words, as unfettered promise,
To lift you higher and higher,
That you might, if only for a minute,
Catch a glimpse of what herein is praised,
The designs of gods and goddesses,
Heavenly conceived and earthly believed,
Allow the resplendent beauty of Aphrodite to intoxicate you,
As you have I,
For Muse,
Together, shall you submit?

Find the courage,
Find the strength to let passion be your guide,
The power of such ambition is insistent upon those mysterious places unknown,
Within you,
That I now seek to enflame,
Unburden you mind, body and soul with the realities of the past,
And incite them to believe,
The unlimited possibility of intention and love.

SDM

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Holy Trinity of Love

Love is holy,
And only love,
Makes my blood boil,
And my fingers somehow cold,
For the measures of faith,
In the obscure remnants of a life once lived,
Long ago,
Understanding the compromise of time,
Where there can be no give,
No compromise,
As we march toward our intent,
In this divinity,
Misunderstood pleasure,
That heightens our every waking thought,
Brightening our senses,
Disarming our objections,
And guides our every wildest fascination,
A dream within a dream,
Time our constant enemy,
In the decay of the reasons,
That we find to fall in and out of love,
As plentiful as there are people on this earth,
One does not attempt to love,
One either does or does not,
And while we can feign for a time,
In the solitude of our own considerations,
The need to consume and protect the avail of surrender,
Is timeless,
Is endless,
Is as sincere as the fleeting catch and release,
Of hedonistic design,
Of emotional bondage,
Choosing to roll over and play dead,
Settling for less than we are worth,
More than we imagined,
More than we have faith in,
Just more,
And while we may truly seek the answer,
To love,
Its holy trinity,
Of passion, intent and desire,
Is as muddled and unclear,
As the tomes of my endless volumes,
Page after page,
Of seeking,
Of searching,
Of finding an abiding faith,
That somewhere between now and oblivion,
The lasting hope of my sweetest thoughts,
Will render me,
Faithful,
In the pursuit of my divine,
Love,
Only love,
Captured in this ridiculous sentiment,
That is really,
A notion yet understood,
In the abiding solitude,
Alone,
With my thoughts,
And these notions,
Simply complex notions.

SDM

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Let’s Thrive

I will survive,
As will you,
Of that there is no question, qualm or debate,
We will survive,
But like me,
Don’t you want more?
I know I do,
And I know that you do too,
Hidden behind the veil of conversations bright,
Where like grains of sand in an infinite universe,
Time reveals all,
Telltale suggestions that refine into future intents,
I want to thrive,
Found in the capitulation of great eagerness,
The wonderful sensation of never wanting to be without,
For a life imagined a million times or more,
Day in and day out,
Lost inside the luscious temptation of your gaze,
Ponder without end the sweet sensation, endlessly savored,
Of our lips meeting,
In a dual to enflamed zeal, en garde Mademoiselle, Fili, Bisous, Besos and more,
Renaissance Man and Warrior Poet,
Knight in shining amour approaches,
En garde,
Kiss,
Pulling back just long enough to luxuriate in your essence,
Before we start this dance,
As guided by the hands of Lady Serendipity,
I know you feel her too,
A tango in time, transcendent,
Hoping to move you so deeply within, your soul transmits,
A million phoenixes,
Those of your past regret, past transgressions and  past loss,
I want to wake up and sense your divine energy,
Feel it completely,
Allowing myself the lavish wonder of all you are,
I seek a lifetime of breakfast, lunch and dinner,
Saturday afternoon walks in the park, hand in hand,
Arm in arm or hugging as we will,
Finding a quiet bench where we can snuggle,
Soaking in our surroundings,
Those are of no matter so long as you are near,
Talk about how crazy life was before we found each other,
Wake up on Sunday morning and make you breakfast in bed,
Deciding on a whim to stay there all day,
Talking, reading the paper, cuddling, kissing,
Whatever else two passionate grown ups do in bed,
Nudge nudge wink wink,
(we all know I may grow old but I refuse to grow up)
I want to leave you there for only a minute or two,
Come back into the room with the most lavish bouquet you’ve ever seen,
Pleased by the giddy laugh and widening smile,
I hope to find that place we both are comfortable,
Where we allow ourselves the privilege of saying,
What was I doing before you,
For it surely wasn’t living,
Though it absolutely was life,
I want to meet your family and your friends,
Travel the world or just each other’s dreams,
I hope to type feverishly with you at my side,
Looking over my shoulder, wondering aloud,
Is that about me,
Shyly smiling,
As I wonder for a moment whether or not I should say no,
Only to wait a moment more to say yes, of course it is,
I want to make you ten thousand dinners,
Champagne and candlelight,
Though takeout and a nice Malbec would do just fine,
I want to feast on your love,
One tasty second at a time,
For all the days of my life,
I want to thrive,
Though for now,
You and I,
Must be content,
Surviving.

On second thought…

Let’s thrive!

SDM

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