Vide Cor Meum


Vide Cor Meum,
“and thinking of her, sweet sleep overcame me,”
uno soave sonno
As it should,
For she is a distant memory,
A dream once lived,
A life once promised,
A love once requited,
But no more,
Not for this fool,
Now a nightmare delivered,
As thinking of her,
Made sleep elusive,
My heart trembling,
My soul crying,
My mind fearing,
That these words,
Are all I know,
And nothing more shall I be granted,
Lowly fool,
Insolent and arrogant ass,
“joy is converted, to bitterest tears,”
Vide cor meum,
I am not at peace,
I am not at peace,
As dangled right before my eyes,
Right before my life,
Was the opportunity for more,
And I had blown it,
My tender heart,
Feeling as though it had stopped,
Been stomped upon,
Feeling as if this was the new normal,
And that sweet sleep,
Now gives way,
To tortured insomnia,
I am not at peace,
As I seek the precious,
I am not at peace,
As I long for more,
“I am your master, See your heart”
my heart is burning like the sun,
humbled by love’s retreat,
“weeping, I saw her then depart from me,”
As Dante suggested;

“So that I desire to be like one
who to conceal his poverty through shame,
shows joy outwardly,
and within my heart am troubled and weep”
 
When will these tears stop,
When shall this river of despair dry up,
Is it in the knowing that someday,
this bitter heart,
will again enjoy,
the piece of the heart,
that is reserved for the greatest of loves,
the grandest,
and these bitter tears,
will give way,
to whatever this heart will allow,
though questioning still,
Will love return?

“ego dominus tuus”
I long for you to be my master,
Seen in my heart,
Since my birth,
Oh love,
Where are you now?
Where will you be when I am ready?

La Vita Nuova

Vide cor meum.

SDM

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