The Enemy Within

Even Bach,
Air on the G,
Brings no respite this day,
From this cycle’s big bang,

Bipolar,
An ever expanding colossus of terror,
Driven by the clash of my neurochemicals crashing,
Body drawn and tired,
Mind,
Falling prey to the maelstrom firing,
Inside the faulty wiring,
You might call a brain,
I’m told I have one, one that I continually let victimized,
Succumb to feelings,
Emotions,
Temptations,
Of a personal xenophobia,
Unwavering,
Save for the perpetual up and down,
Daily, weekly, monthly and yearly,
For twenty five years or more,
Unresolved childhood trauma,
Unresolved adult trauma,
Shall I be on trial?
Trials?
For this contempt,
Hate,
Of self,
Coupled with an abiding faith in love,
Loathe this cruel trick played upon me,
By me,
Seeking control, where none there can be,
Bach,
Usually J.S. helps me deal,
With the B.S., of these days,
Fighting my nature,
Fighting systems that can not be fought,
Battles that reach within,
As I live without,
Where I can not nurture, serenity,
Save the calling from the Ether,
Ceaseless,
Supporting like a crutch,
This searching spirit,
More in need of a cuddle or a cradle,
The intimacy,
Which is the only thing,
That can or will mitigate,
Though never shatter the wall I’ve hit,
Walls,
Since thirteen,
Countless cycles of possessed repression,
Where skeletons become ghosts,
Ghosts become haunting realities,
And reality becomes the Matrix,
For while I am no Neo,
I will follow my white rabbit,
Love,
Wherever,
Whenever,
However and whomever,
She may be,
That I may restlessly hide,
Inside the warmth of her smile,
Hugged, caressed and cajoled,
So as not to shut down,
System,
Reset,
By the simple words;
“It’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.”

Fighting as I do,
Like Patton’s phantom army,
The enemy within.

SDM

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