Monthly Archives: July 2013

“If I know what love is, it is because of YOU.”

“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”

Those women of incredible pursuit,

Fantastically present,

The ROYAL you,

Those have led me to the edge of reason,

Pushing my sanity ever closer,

To that teetering line,

Where nothing and everything are certain,

My toes all at once,

Burned by the fiery damnation of hell,

And yet sent to lofty heights,

Of grand apprehension,


At the same time,

And in multiple dimension,

The exquisite rapture,

Of chosen chains,

Loves soul bondage,

Bondage for sole love,


That every jail bound prisoner would die for,

That delicious assumption,

And forbidden answer,

(for we are forbidden, aren’t we?)

That brings us ever nearer to a Nirvana,

Though constantly alludes,

And yet is always within reach,

Together as individuals,

Forming a new union that can enrich the mind,

And devastate the world,

With a single look,

“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”

The women of incredible pursuit,

The royal YOU,





Teaming with the suppressed memories,

Of lovers faint and lingering,

Lying on the floor,




As lovers seem to do,


As I’ve learned from you,

Love is not a static affair,

Rather fervor,

A raging zeal that can alight the darkest night,

Turn the sun into a coward,

And the moon a conquering hero,

As with the tides,

So to do our emotions flow,


Unchecked and uncensored,

Requited and fleeting,


That wonder potion,

Not number nine,

Instead the cloud,

Where you,

The ROYAL you,

Have led me,

Day after day,

Week after week,

Century after century,

Claiming my heart and soul,

As surely as a child Halloween candy,

Or Hannibal a Code of Laws,

As too I did yours,

We are,

A complicated issue,

(my Hmong Key and I)

Every issue,

Of every magazine every written,

Our tender embrace,

The backbone of every feeling we’ve ever known,

Every feeling we will ever know,

Seeking the invisible,

Finding the inevitable,

For true love can never end happily,

Crushing defeat,

Not like Sparta though,

For neither back downed,

Neither blinked,


“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”

And I am grateful to know,

That there are more lessons to be learned,

Together and apart,

Circumstance our foe,

Though of this I am certain,

Beyond a shadow of a doubt,

Our love stands the test of time,

The trials of circumstance,

The perils of being misunderstood,

Lovers true,

Lovers new,

Lovers old,



Intrepid faults,

Those now falling away,

And audacious oppression,

The royal YOU,

That I have known and will always hold dear,

And fast to my heart,

(pierced by my Key)

Claiming a piece of me that was yours but for a moment,

(A blissful moment)

This moment will last a lifetime,

As I can not so easily cast aside,

The woman I believed was to be lover, wife and mother,

And it is true;

“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”



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The Rebirth of Me by Love

Contrary to mounting questions,

Fears and wonder,

I find myself awash in potential answers,

Love changes everything,


Have changed,


In all your spectacular colours,

Bathing in your spirit,

Radiant and shining,

Despite clutter and confusion,

And what others may think,


Finding a joy that is as fleeting as time itself,

I beg what dreams may come,

Have come,

With you,

Due to

My mistresses, those guardians of my night,

Fate and Destiny, dazzling with intention,

For us,

As Lady Serendipity extends her hand,

Leading me down a path that I dare not go,

Not here, not now,

Though I must,

Though we must,

Allowing our adoration to burn brightly,


Salvation ascending anew,

As we know a love requited,

This, ours,

Here and now,

As words flow freely from my fingers,

Warrior Poet,

Held in the legions of lovers past,

Considering you, lover new,

Poet, artist, banker and thief,

Those lovers recognize the spiritual awakening of desire,

And I am awakened,

As too are you,

Summons delivered me by a lone dove

From Father Time and Mother Nature,

To be a mother in your nature,

To be a father with you in time,

Demanding submission to the purposed entreaty of your voice,

Sloughing off the faults of the past,

Determined to the beautiful present,

And envisioning a future with you,

A changed man,

A determined man,

Twenty five years changed in an instant,

Because of the powerful suggestion of your smile,

The all enveloping blanket of your passion,

Leading me to me,

Opening my eyes, where once there was nothing,

But darkness,

To become,

New realities,

Aided by the approaching summit of opportunity,

Regardless of challenges,

Regardless of obstacles,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One day not close enough,

But I will submit,

I will sacrifice,

I will stand proud and true,

On the sidelines of a temporary repose,

Though for now,

My mistresses and lady, nature and time assure me,

The time is right,

It is time for our loves advance,

The purpose is clear,

It is time for our loves advance

On cherished risk,


Our love will rise,

I will submit,

Knowing the reward is one we both deserve,

I will submit,

So as I sit here,

Lowly fool,

Humbled by what you reveal to me,

Insolent imbecile in emotional undress,

It has to be clear,

Who I am and who I need to be,

You have to see,

And I know you will,

As I,

Though the pieces not yet in place,

Check no mate,

Not yet,

The end result,


Feels like past battles lost,

Are to become present won,

Future won,

As my entire life has flipped right side up,

And it is you,

My angelic Hmong Key,

Only you,

Memories of distant failures perceived,

The dark days are now bright,

As scarcely now, can I believe, my greatest fortune,

Risen of my greatest misfortune,

Clergy of my own tragedy,

High priest and priestess we,

You have touched me,

Touched my soul,

Rewired my thoughts,

Only you,

Will do,

Only you,

Distant echoes, becoming less so,

As we consider,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One more day nearer,

To you,

And a new blessed embrace,



Reinvigorated for and with you;

Love changes everything,

Up to and including me;

I love you Hmong Key!


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Let Me, Will You?

Will you let me…


Into your mind and soul, remaining in your heart,

Allow me to float freely and unencumbered,

So that I may dance with the parts of you that mean more to me,

Than your body (though amazingly beautiful) ever could.


Will you let me…


Mingle with your insecurities,

That I may allay them,

Take them firmly in my grasp,

And dispel them to a past that no longer matters,

(Save for the grand memories of joy and laughter)

As the future is what’s in store,

Are you a possible future?

Or a past dream?


Will you let me…


Into your inner workings,

Rising and falling with a crescendo that is yours to conduct,

That I may understand without equivocation,

Exactly who this woman is,

Who you are,

That has pulled me from my own oblivion,

With the promise of a kiss,

That springs hope with every blessed touch,

Hope for a new tomorrow.


Will you let me…


Hold you close,

Hold you dear,

Caressing your skin and your mind,

As we discuss every thing you’ve always wanted,

No matter how silly, or ironic,

Or far fetched,

(I think my dreams may be far fetched but certainly worth my life)

Reminding me in that moment,

And all that follow,

That dreams can and will come true,

If you’ll let them.


Will you let me…

Enchant you with this broken but not beaten mind,

Enthrall you with the same,

Endear you with thoughts like these and so much more,

Engage you,

In a dance that started the day you were born,

Envelop you with love,

Entreat you with desire,

Implore you to help me reach for the stars,

Finally getting there releasing these emotional scars,

Will you?


Will you let me…


Dance naked in the kitchen,

Wear your amusement with every shake of my little booty,

While I nourish your body,

As I hope to nourish your mind,

Each delectable meal,

One step closer to an awaiting,


One that we,

We can design.

(Though I suspect Lady Fate and Mistress Destiny had a little something to do with it)


Will you let me…

Count you as a blessing,

A beautiful and inspiring angel,

That halo still intact,

Though wings removed,

(You wouldn’t want to stand out)

Opens my ears to the universal choir of angels,

Opening my mind to what I already feel,

But can only know with you, by your touch,

So that together,

Hand in hand,

We can walk into the horizon,

Where you tickle these words from me,

Lit by that passionate flame,

That you inspire,

Of literary greatness,


I shall believe…

I shall believe…

Let me, will you?

I think you should,

I think we should…

I love you Hmong Key!



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Manic Depression (Crash Again)

You’ve got your ball

you’ve got your chain

tied to me tight tie me up again

who’s got their claws
in you my friend
Into your heart I’ll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
and sweet you roll
Lost for you I’m so lost for you

You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream”

I hate myself… for loving you.

I love myself…for hating you,

No… no… no…

That can’t be right,

Though these feelings are so intense,

Blossoming with every passing moment,

That it feels as if I am being run over by a bus,


By you,

So no,

I don’t hate myself for loving you,

I hate myself for hating you,

when in reality things just fall apart,

just like I have,

just like I did because of the decisions we had to make,

perilous and spirit shaking,


I love that with you I knew a home,

A real home,

Such that I have never known,

I love myself for loving you,

Better as I am,

As a man,

For having known every part of you,

And there is so much more I would love to discover,

Will you let me

As I am discovering every part of me,

You always remind me,

That I had to find that place,

(that now seems I have discovered anew),

where I had true inner peace,

engaging my Buddha,

detachment from everything and nothing,

look and I am there,

searching for you,

high and low,

doing everything,


To get you to see,

these are the thoughts of a ravaged mind,

ravaged by love,

ravaged by you,

I want to be ravaged by you,

And I know I will again,

Won’t I?

I think of you at least fifty nine minutes of every hour,

One minute I am left consumed,

Sorting out the parts of I and I and I,

That seem damned to lovers limbo,

At least for now,

But today’s present,

And all the days between now and then,

Is that you will always be comfortable knowing,

That I care for you,


That I love you,


I love myself for loving you,

For the provenance of my souls advance,

Lay neatly,

Undiscovered in your hands,

For the past is the past,

People can and do change if the circumstance is right,

Soon to be unearthed in your thoughts,

In your hands,

Precious though they may be that ripped my heart right from my chest,

Did you look at it while it was still,


No… no… no…

That is not right,

You see, this is what manic depression does,

Do you understand?
Do you care to?

Just as you have shown me the way,
I too will be your guiding light…

And yet,

Truly you reveal in me a gentleness,

A greatness,

That I have never known,

One that I now embrace,

Fully and completely,

Transforming into a better man as

You touched my life with cupid’s fingertips,

Guided by my ladies Destiny, Serendipity and Fate,

And now I am left in a contrast and comparison,

Of the days we shared,

The memories we made,

The life we knew,

The love we knew,

The love we still know,

Yes… Yes… Yes..

That is right,

It has to be,

For you are a heavenly present,

My divine Angel,


Hmong Key,

Which is why,

As I battle myself for supremacy of self,

Becoming more each day,

I know…

I believe…

I long…

I love… You, I love,


I wonder…

Was it all a dream?

And if so, can we dream again,

Love reborn,

By compassion, understanding, persistence and honesty,

I love you

And I know

You love me too.

I love you Hmong Key!


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I Choose YOU


Above all else,

Hmong Key,

Let it ring from the mountains,

To every valley and every shore,

Above all else,

I chose love,

I choose you,

I choose to pledge my life,

To you,

To us,

Not because it is easy,

But the exact opposite,


Daily growing and improving,

Sloughing off that which prevents our happiness,

Guided ever more by you,


Above all else,

I choose you,

For though these words profess,

My actions speak true,

There is nothing,

No boundary,

Nothing I won’t do,

To spend this life with you.

Above all else,

Hmong Key,

Let it be known,

That you have shown me,

Some error of my ways,


Fallen not on deaf ears,

But on a ready, willing and able soul,

There is nothing I won’t do,

For it is you,

Above all else,

I choose love,

I choose you,

Nothing else will do,

Nothing else will do,

For you are the light,

Leading me to a brighter future,

Away from a darkened past,

Away from shadows,

Into the light,

Your light,

I choose love,

I choose you.

Above all else,

Hmong Key,

I choose to spend my life with you,

With this love that so clearly is real,

More than I imagined,

More than I could see,

Though now,

Blinders off,

I realize that I must surrender,

I must give in,

Submit all of me to all of you,

For above all else,

Hmong Key,

There is you and only you,

I chose love,

To be the change I want to see in the world,

To forever embrace your sweet caress,

Rather than unnecessary distractions,

And I am no longer distracted,

By fool hardy notions of what can and can not be,

Only what is,

What I am,

What you are,

What we are

And what this love will become,

Above all else,

I choose love,

I choose love,

I choose you,

As you chose me,

I love you.

Above all else,


Hmong Key,

There is nothing more important to me than you,

Your happiness,

Your earthly and spiritual desires,

And though these words alight my actions,

It is my actions that will display,

The frankness of this submission,

To you,

To us,

For what else is life,

But the pursuit of more,

And you are all the more I need,


I choose you,

I choose you,

The alpha and the omega of my everything,

For you are my everything,

Aren’t you,

This love,

The most important,

Relentless in my pursuit,

You will see,

That there is nothing above you,


I submit to you,

On this table,

In these words,

In my deeds,

With my heart, spirit, body and soul.,

All that I have to give,

I give,

To you,

For you,

That you may know,

Deep within your wounded heart,

And my own,

That this passion restless,

Will not subside,

For there is nothing else above you,

Nor will there ever be again,

As time will let you see,

That there is only you,

Only you,

Hmong Key…

I love you!


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Careless? (My Heart and Soul Believe Differently)

You speak of love,
I heard you,
But they are just words,
Aren’t they,
Weren’t they,
Are they
For what do you know,
(as I continue to learn more each day)
As I now wonder,
What you meant when you said you loved me,
For surely love would not do what you have done,
Love could not, would not,
Be so callous,
So unforgiving,
So uncompromising,
How could my lover,
After promising me the world,
And forever,
An unexpected child and more,
A child I have always craved,
You allowed me to float,
Soaring above the world,
The universe in your eyes,
Understanding the full context of history,
For more than a month,
Assuring me,
That what we had was real,
That it would last,
And in less than a year,
The daddy you now called me,
Words that made my soul tremble,
Would soon be the daddy,
That a child already loved would call me,
Raised toward the light;

Changing me,
For the better,
To be everything that I could be,
Everything that I am,
And will become,
Due to love enjoyed,
To enrich our child,
Uplift and inspire it,
Teach it well the world in which it is born,
And to aspire to the world that it could be,
You speak of love,
Yet leave me torn and broken,
Wishes of a future torn asunder,
Confused, it would seem,
Without a trace,
Of the love with which you spoke,
Claimed to have for me,
Professed as simply as any other statement,
But the sentiment it seems,
Is lost on you,
And is now lost on me,
Confused though you may be,
Love finds a way,
For surely,
This tragic loss,
Has wounded me in every way imaginable,
A pain that will endure,
Just as it had before,
Years before tragedy reborn,
And it is as if you don’t care,
Won’t care,
Can’t care,
But that is not love,
Do you love me,
I think you do,
I think your misperception has made it easier for you,
Letting go,
Giving in,
Giving up,
Without so much as an explanation,
And cowardly avoidance too boot,
But you are not a coward,
Awash in the cultural differences,
Between what I thought was true,
And what has quite simply revealed itself,
As the bogus words,
Of a confused and not so innocent little girl,
Whom I still love,
And always will,
Are you scared,
Of love,
Of us,
Of the challenges we must face?

Given the chance,
I know you would see,
Beyond the thin veneer,
Realizing just how sensitive I am,
Since a young boy,
Filled with hope and empathy,
Finding out how much I would give,
Could give,
For you,
For our love,
For our child,
And the future we could share,
Given the chance,
You would see how much I’ve changed,
With room always left to grow,
Given the chance,
You would discover,
That my words and actions combine,
Into a force more powerful than any known before,
You would see my tears,
And not mock them,
With feigned love,
Daily for you,
Given the chance,
You would see…

Can you?
Will you?
For that is what love would do,
And in my heart of hearts,
I do believe,
I shall believe that you did and do love me,
Don’t you?

And I,
I will always love you,
My Hmong Key,
And I am ready, willing and able,
To stand to any challenge,
Ravage the test of time,
To show you,
To show the world,
What real love would do,
Given the chance…

My love is true,
For you,
For now
And everlasting,
I will always be here,
For you.

Can you decide,
To be a lover,
To refuse to be so careless with another heart and soul,
Lifelong desires,
Are you strong enough,
To give us,
One more try,


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Nothing is Impossible in True Love

There is nothing impossible in love,
For love,
And not some idealized or romanticized notion of it,
Is nothing more,
Than the entangled kiss of two souls,
The wetted caress of two minds,
Those feel the same emotions,
About the same things,
There is nothing impossible in love.

Of course,
Throughout our lives,
Many of us learn that there are impossibilities,
But are there really,
Time can be overcome,
Space can be overcome,
Distance can be overcome,
So long as lovers true,
Dedicate a modicum of energy,
To the love itself,
So yes,
Nothing is impossible in love.

There is nothing impossible in love,
Save for the canned love where people settle,
Willing to accept comfort,
Or kids,
Or a house,
Rather than the pursuit of true love’s dreams,
And life’s journey,
Love will always be there,
Especially when the chips are down,
Love is about holding someone up,
When they can not themselves,
Love is courteous,
Indescribably special,
And willing to help with demons,
Even when it is not convenient.

Of course,
At times,
It may seem that love is intrusive,
Interfering when at least convenient,
When all love wants,
Is to know that love is requited,
It is felt,
In the soul,
In the heart,
And tempted in the mind,
Love is,
Endlessly remarkable.

There is nothing impossible in love,
True love,
The dance that two souls make,
When they find the natural fit,
To something that seems so unnatural,
It is the unconscious and uncontrollable longing,
To spend the rest of your life,
Against evolutionary pressure,
It is the ability to overcome the primal,
Without even a second thought.

Of course,
After the way this love has left me,
Though it has not,
Nor could it ever,
For soul mates are just those,
Mating of the soul,
It might seem that I have disdain for love,
When in fact,
I celebrate it,
And you,
For you truly are,
My soul mate,
And there is nothing impossible in love.


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