Bittersweet

The bittersweet,

Less chocolate,

More, irony,

Delicious torment,

Out of my greatest joy arises my greatest pain,

As with the ascent of emotions true,

So too upsurges the wave of my Black Dog’s howl,

Like the screaming baby I hear,

Do you?

Like a wolves cry on a full moon night,

Calling out something unknown,

All the while feeling the awkward presence,

Seeing the face, faces,

Of the decisions that had to be made,

As yet understood,

And infinitely painful,

Bittersweet,

The air is thick with the sweat of high stakes poker,

Though there is no tell that can reveal,

What we both know,

We both feel,

We both show our hands,

Though close to our chest they be,

ALL IN,

Calling out to each other,

Even if only through the ether,

Known,

Finding that the course of true love never did run smooth,

I must admit, accept and allow,

You to find your own way,

A fate worse than my own demise, or so it seems,

Called out as I have been,

For an argument with Hemingway and Picasso,

(“No true love ends well” and

“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction”)

I had to be destroyed by love,

In order to create love,

Flirting with the danger of Zelda,

(“I love you anyway-even if there isn’t any me or any love or even any life-

I love you.”)

The danger of you,

Our situation,

Situations,

Instant bond formed,

Lifelong,

As I reconsider who and what I am,

On a light cast,

Lingering,

Like the memory of your luminous smile,

Tongue in cheek,

Endless dimples and peace signs,

Keeping me going through the days,

These dark and heady days,

Past, present and future,

As a new time nears,

With the passing of the hours,

That I can finally unleash the hound,

Hounds,

Let loose the ills that have plagued me,

Plunging intensely into wave after wave of your hugs,

Even if only as a memory,

Relieving myself of the delicious anguish,

That has haunted me all my life,

Strife,

Abandonment,

Loss,

Struggle,

From the mouths of babes,

Promises made,

Broken,

Though my promise, ever true,

Always,

Battle after battle,

Inner destruction,

Outer costumes, one after another,

To hide the true nature of my character,

Hoping that none could see,

But they do,

You do,

As now I press further,

No longer filled with a wanderlust,

But instead satisfied,

With initial surrender,

Complete,

For you,

For me,

For us,

Fly Hmong Key, fly…

For the family I believed was to be,

As I know where this yellow brick road goes,

And I will follow,

If you will lead,

I will lead if you need follow,

Pulling back the curtain,

To find understanding in translation,

For, in your gaze,

I find,

Myself revealed to myself,

I and I and I wondering if perhaps, this time,

It may be… different,

Here and now,

Instead of there and then,

Just not now,

Not here,

No longer trapped by the shadow cast,

By a past I can not change,

That I must embrace, face and comprehend,

If I am to arrive at destination me,

With journey you,

Will you journey with me,

Hand in hand,

To another place,

That only we shall know?

Together at last,

Let us walk slowly,

Purposefully, with grace and delight,

Sloughing off confusion, fear and mistakes made,

Marching toward an endless night,

Howling like new lovers,

At our moon,

Swimming in our sea,

Tranquility,

As the ladies of night,

Destiny, Fate and Serendipity cry tears of joy,

As they only do,

With love found,

Like this love, perhaps

Between girl and boy?

 

But not the now,

For even some things that are meant to be,

For reasons myriad and as mysterious as love itself,

At a certain moment in time,

This moment,

Just can’t be.

 

It is said if you love,

Set them free,

If they don’t come back it never was,

If they do,

A new forever will emerge…

True love, never dies!

And I will always love you Hmong Key!

SDM

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