I am withering inside,

As the rains like my tears fall unabated,

The gathered clouds,

Reminiscent of the nightmare ceaseless,

Filled with the bravado of thunder

And the electricity of lightning,

Since that fateful day so long ago,

And also so near,

Full circle,

Dimensional warp,

Words that sting like a bee,

Necessary but still,

Withering indeed,

Like an untended garden

On a long abandoned estate,

Once home to the grandeur of lavish parties

And sensational tales,

And they were and are tales, aren’t they,

Where the band played on,

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams,

Realizing that love has once more

Reached into the deepest essence of my soul

With sweet words,

Misunderstood by you,

Or worse yet misused,

Like weapons,

With promises of forever and a new life to come,

Not just mine, or yours, or ours even,

But that of our child,

My greatest desire,

Greatest joy,

Ripped right from my elation,

Plundered insurrection of an emotional plight,

Allowed to believe,

Encouraged even,

That this time it would be different,


Walking the plank of a remembered discontent,

Twenty years or more,

Flooding back into my consciousness,

Reminded how happy you were,

To see my happiness,

Recalling as I told you about then and there

When you said, not this time,

Not with me,

Not for us,

And yet, today,

While you turn your back on me,

Behind the cheating and the lies,

As I never could,

For I don’t know how,

While it seems so easy for you,

Almost callous,

One word unnecessary,

Cold and calculated,

Defense mechanism?

Running away?



Know this, you can not run,

This story, experience remains with you,

Inside you,

Trust me, I know,

Unless you really can be that detached,

Though I can not,

And while my descent into this despair,

Ripens with each moment,

While others would eschew you,

I will not,

Spit vitriol and visceral venom,

I will not,

Like untamed cobras caught in a snake charmers gaze,

But that does not mean I do not see,

I can not,

Will not,

Not now,

Not ever,

For I did love,

Do love you,

Will love you,

Always knowing,

Inside this pain,

History repeated,

Divine retribution,

Suffering a fate worse than death knowing,

The father I could have been,

Will be someday,

Though between now and then,

My heart is dying,

My soul is crying,

My mind is reeling,

From wretched feelings,

Not deep with in,

But on the surface seen,

Like the x that marks the spot of my deepest fears,

Trying to hide behind affable laughter

And a smile concealing,


Please forgive me,

For what I have done,

What we have done,

And know this,

As the truth has set me free,

My love was true,

Is true,

Can you say the same?
Can I believe you?


Beyond the thin veneer of the games you play,

The truth has set me free,

So free,

And while this pain remains,

The lingering memory of your smile,

Ever present,

Hurts my days and haunts my nights,

Fooled as I was,

Dream turned nightmare,

Eclectic visions of what was,

Is and could have been,


No reasons,

For just like the greatest trick the devil ever pulled,

Was convincing the world he didn’t you exist,

You’ve just vanished,

Trying to erase me from your life,

And maybe you can,

But I can not,

Will not,

For to me,

You will always be the love I craved,

The women I longed for,

The mother of my unborn child,

And between all those days,

From there to then,

When I again am awakened,

I will never forget,

What almost was,

What could have been,

Had others not meddled,

Had you the strength,

Has you compassion and integrity,

And the ability to see what was in front of you,

And we not had to hide,

Lurking in the shadows,

Where our child will always shine bright,

For me…


Not to  be forgotten,


And my hair, will grow again…




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