Monthly Archives: September 2013

My Name is Sender…

Lend me your eyes;

Hi, my name is Sender and I have a problem,

Problems…

My life recorded invisibly on my body,

You can not see,

Or fathom,

Indelibly on my soul,

Like a crown of thorns,

Though you have already embraced it,

And ganders through the disjointed cracks of my prismatic heart,

And someday,

Should you be so lucky,

You might know me in a way that so few can or will;

Should you be so lucky?

I hope that one could be so lucky,

Muse,

Who now come, seems so ready to depart,

Afraid of the possibility, possibilities,

Departure delayed, arrival uncertain,

Yet,

You may find that I will endure beseeching you,

Imploring and enticing you,

Silently,

In words like these,

To approach my story,

With a vulnerable mind and a sacred heart,

So that I can show you what I already know,

Just as you do,

These feelings are not the imaginary dalliances

Of delusion,

Rather the infusion of the Ether’s calling.

There are lashes, gashes, cuts and bruises,

Beyond the eyes comprehension,

Those never heal,

There are torments and tortures,

I would wish upon none but me,

Those never heal,

For though the blessing and curse exist in me,

Bipolar dualities,

This Warrior Poet, fights on,
GO BRAGH;

Shattered glass heart and malfunctioning dreams.

That you never see,

Though you may feel, if, perchance,

You had the bravery,

The courage to risk it all for happiness,

As so often I do,

To stand exposed, as I am at this moment,

Though, should you find that power,

You may experience with me,

Should you be so inclined,

Touched by me as I long to touch you,

Reliving daily,

Seconds, minutes, hours and days,

In rapid succession those moments that brought me here,

Now,
Muse,

Tracing my restlessness with rabid delights,

Delights like you,

Muse…

My fingers like Picasso’s brush,

And Van Gogh palette,

My authenticity falsely imprisoned in cubist fragments,

A sick joke played by my psyche as

My veracity self realized,

And abused,

Calls forth the divine intention of a personal gentrification,

You may unearth,

That when I implore you,

I am pained beyond words,

Except when I see your smile,

From those big brown eyes

And your radiant soul,

While revealing to you I am stretched across my canvas,

At your behest,

I am thrust into the eye of the storm,

That life has constantly divulged to me,

Dark clouds, gathering and furious storms

And my Black Dog.

As soon as one episode ends without a laugh track,

Another begins,

Up and down,

Down and up,

A silent movie,

While Charlie Chaplin prays us smile,

I can paint a smile on my face,

Rehearsed and like a costume, hiding,

It does little to conceal my contempt,

For this plight,

I am caught inside the cage where the bird cannot,

Does not,

Will not sing,

Though the beautiful song is so clear,

All I need do is vocalize it,

As I have,

Watching as I do,

Interned and waiting,

For my turn to reveal more,

Muse,

So that you might understand,

Muse,

What makes me tick,

What drives me onward,

What removes the veil,

And the answer Muse, is you,

Thus as a proverbial bride,

In this revelation,

You will carry me across the threshold,

So that I can intimately express to you,

That my scars are the graffiti

Imprinting my story on my body,

My heart, mind and soul,

And in that moment,

You will have me,

Tagged,

As I have already,

Tagged you,

Muse.

SDM

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The Importance of Muse (5)

 

 

 

Every time you arrive,

My neurons blaze at the speed of thought,

Pining to believe that this time,

Here and now,

May be the flash,

Brilliant,

For which my whole life has been lived,

Since that awe-inspiring conception,

When universal matter pooled,

Forming galaxies, stars, planets and we,

We two,

Muse and Writer, Warrior Poet, clashing zealously,

Inspiring and inspired,

As these words flow,

For without you the days are long,

The nights are even longer,

Despondent as I reach out,

Astral projection of my deepest pleas,

Calling out to the Ether,

Begging of my Ladies,

The Sages that alight my path to you,

Fate has brought you once,

Destiny once more,

Serendipity once

And now I marvel,

Are sirens once more upon me?

Or in exponential wisdom,

In multiple dimensions,

Have I finally been led to the place I need to be?

To shine,

To become,

To find,

All I once was,

Billions of years ago,

Cosmic dust,

Collected,

Coalesced,

I and I and I now refuse,

To let go of that dream,

To find the eternal love,

That has vexed me all the days of my days,

Love unyielding and requited that will deliver unto me,

The purpose and implication of my travels,

Voyaging to you,

Here and now,

Muse.

Muse,

As I fall deeper into my intimate wishes,

I watch as your eyes shimmer,

With thoughts secret, residual,

While concentric circles continue to expand,

Our experience,

Our consciousness,

Our extremely hidden and repressed aspirations,

For as woman and man,

We have built our walls,

From past rejections and exceptions,

Judiciously crafted to protect us, not from ourselves,

But from those who seek to deflower our chaste intent,

Having been corrupted,

You and I,

Muse,

We seek redemption and redress,

We seek temptation, gingerly,

Less like Eve,

More like a painter with a blank canvas,

Or a writer a blank page,

Ours to create,

This dream,

Every aspect, thought and every belief,

Lived vividly in each moment,

N O W,

We must release the past,

Both, we,

Unleash ourselves from that which we can not change,

Set us free from our wounds, plentiful,

So that N O W,

Can become an untold then,

Muse,

Can you,

Will you believe?

 

 

Muse,
Once more from on high,

From another time, far far away,

The Ether intoxicates and entices me,

Drunk on an abstract,

Drawn in vivid hues of reality,

Together where do these words lead,

Where shall we go,

Hand in hand,

Rapt attention in each others gaze,

To an awaiting horizon,

Of which we are yet to conceive,

Could not consider,

That is, until, here,

And N O W,

Those blessed moments,

Time standing still,

When together,

Entwined,

Our bodies crave that which we can not grasp,

We can not see,

Nor hear, taste or smell,

Our uncontrolled reactions,

Complex mathematical and scientific veracities,

From chemicals,

Allowing us to feel that which we can not know,

Feel Muse,

With me,

These veracities,

Finally proofing the evasive equation that has haunted me,

Taunted me,

Twisted and torn me,

Yet,

Every time I am enhanced by your arrival,

Presents presented presently,

Temporarily though it may be,

For the N O W,

Here you are,

As the words contend,

Muse,

Will you understand,

Can you,

Muse?

 

Muse,

Time and again,

On this universal plane,

I have braced for impacts,

Long foretold,

Crashing into an awaiting hell,

Where my depression takes over,

A completely different set of chemicals clashing,

Where abandonment sends me into the nearest distraction,

Longing to rid myself of that desperate bitches howl,

Black Dog screaming,

Where even Hemingway will not drink it away with me,

Can not,

Although we try,

Don’t we Ernest?

Muse,
For here you are once more,

As I ponder the past

And posit the future,

Though living in every moment,

N O W,

Adored ambitions,

When in your grip, mental and physical,

There is nothing but you,

The world around me evaporates,

Nothing exists,

Save us,

Where while apart I allow myself the persuasion,

That maybe, just maybe,

This time,

The Ether,

In its infinite expansion and wisdom,

To the left,

May have got it right,

This right,

Now,

Muse!
Muse,

My soul tickled,

My wandering mind,

Deliberates on possibilities of possibilities,

As the special theory of relativity seems obvious,

Considering that time apart seems like eons,

Where together it feels as if mere nanoseconds,

Yet still I abide,

Grateful,

For each instant I am by your side,

Feeling the intense elation,

Of the dance that two souls meeting and greeting have done,

Since time itself began,

Is there anything more wondrous or misunderstood,

Despite futile attempts,

Others and mine,

Especially mine,

For at your side,

There is nothing but you,

Just you,

Muse.

Muse,

Sloughing off the lackluster repetitions of history,

I am here,

As I and I,

Chosen light,

Servant,

Court Jester,

Teacher and more,

To act for you,

As the peaceful unseen force that lifts your lips,

Into that perfect purse,

Aligning both the stars and your soul,

Further still with my own,

Come together two as one,

Where the Ether begs these words,

As recompense for your sparkle,

The twinkle of the window to your soul,

Telling me more than all the words I’ll ever know,

Perhaps even write,

Though for the now,

I am elated,

That again after being jaded,

I have been satisfied,

Satiated by the Ether,

And my ladies,

To honour you,

Who honours I and I and I,

With your presence,

Muse,

Your importance,

Can never and will never be understated or underrated,

Instead celebrated,

In this harmony of words,

Hastily assembled,

As my mind dances,

Faster than my fingers can comply,

Joyously,

With possibilities of possibilities,

N O W,

Muse.

 

SDM

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Humbled (And Smitten)

Finally,

After all this time,

All this loss,

Peril, now seemingly, for the moment,

The wind in my sails,

Behind me,

Pushing me forward,

Coming into my own,

Finding again that infectious laugh,

And all I had to do – was give in,

Which is not remotely the same as giving up…

 

By giving in I discovered,

That the parts of me that are broken,

I and I and I,

Are merely callings to reassemble?

 

I and I and I…

 

The jigsaw of my reality,

For a quarter century or more,

Giving in,

I found,

Who my real friends are,

Cherished,

The ones that stood by me,

And continue to stand by me,

When I am down,

Feeding me with endless nourishment,

Of wisdom, enthusiasm, a gentle caress,

Of your many spirits,

Dancing like a kite,

Free to fly,

To explore,

Roaming together in the uncertainty,

For life has no instruction manual,

And arriving,

At what was always there,

Just deep inside…

 

Hiding behind shadows lurking,

Longing for a home to call my own,

Not the building,

But a true home, internal,

Safe,

Free from the outside world,

From my own skeletons,

Demons and Black Dog…

 

Finally,

Letting go,

Surrendering,

I have discovered,

That the parts of I and I and I,

Those for so long been counted as unconquerable,

Were merely signposts on the journey of life?

The I that desires to serve,

The I that desires to love,

The I that desires to be loved,

For I and I and I,

Find my totality there…

 

And this life is a journey,

Each day a new step towards the new,

N E X T,

Beauty at every step,

Even in the greatest darkness,

That at one time either too blind or too ignorant,

I could not or would not,

Engage,

NO more,

Not here, nor now…

 

Today I stand up,

I will be heard,

I will be counted,

I will seek and find without looking for it,

My greatest treasure,

I will celebrate the totality of who I am,

And in so doing,

Gain insight into what it means to truly live,

And my friends,

My real friends,

Stand by my side,

At the ready,

To, if necessary, again,

Pick me up,

Deliver me the tools for my own reassembling,

And I am humbled by it,

For as tears of joy,

Stream down my face,

Calling out to the Ether,

I know, that I am close,

And I can feel,

These emotions raw,

The immersion of the new,

Tempered by the wisdom of holding fast and true,

Waiting,

That I may use them,

To propel me forward,

To the place we all know I should be,

Humbled,

Grateful,

And aware,

I celebrate each of you,

You know who you are,

For causing me to realize,

That my passage had to include this moment,

All of them,

Desperate,

To reignite that passion that burns so brightly inside of me,

One that now awakens like a sleeping giant,

Though still contained, for the moment on B612…

 

My only hope,

Is that I too,

May repay your generosity of spirit,

By being who I am,

And returning to you,

The same generosity,

When you are at your lowest – or whenever you require,

Help you discover that you are a diamond in the rough,

Not a rough diamond,

An innate beauty that glimmers within you,

Your eyes shining,

Your smile gleaming,

Your soul teaming with the life you desire,

I hope,

I can help you see,

What so many have helped me to see.

 

I stand before you anew,

Understanding how far I’ve come,

And how far I still must go,

But I draw strength from you,

The royal you,

Demonstrated here,

With humble thanks,

These words are all I can give,

And all my heart, mind, body and soul,

For all of you have given me permission,

To soar,

And again I will thrive.

 

SDM

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Her Veil Parts Slightly…

 

I am a servant,

Your servant,

Here to guide you to the happiness you do not yet know,

And are yet to believe possible,

Anxious to ensure that in your service,

I can somehow enlighten you,

Should you choose it?

Should you see inside your own darkness?

Your own hurt,

Past rejection and self deprecation,

To see what is so clear to the rest of us,

Moreover, that endears me so,

Savoring every moment shared,

Especially with my Celtic kit,

In the dead quiet of each South East Asian night,

Shared harmony

Shall you like the tales of old?

My proverbial Rapunzel let down your hair,

Though not of gold,

Letting me be your freedom,

For indisputably this must be, like you,

The beginning of the most beautiful fairy tale.

 

I am a servant,

Your servant,

It is my humble joy to create with you,

Should you allow me,

A smile as Father Time intended,

It is my pleasure to confidently open your eyes,

Your heart and your mind,

Tickling your soul, as I perceive it longs to be,

Pleasing it as I long to be love for love,

In service of you,

Muse.

 

I am a servant,

Your servant,

My bliss created by your elation,

I am a servant,

Yours,

Should you have me?

Seeing what others already have,

What I know you have,

Can you overcome your fears?

Your doubts and reservations?

Will you try?

 

I am a servant,

Your servant,

Come to reveal the power of love,

True love,

The power of you,

The true you,

To make a change,

Today,

With only a thought,

Realizing what sincerely is inside of you,

Rather than this darkness you portend,

Will you choose happiness,

Or maintain the status quo?

 

As your servant,

It is my great delight,

To see that twinkle in your perky brown eyes,

Shining,

Gratefully in my direction,

And through my service,

I heal my wounds,

Release my demons,

The shackles of my past,

Keeping my Black Dog at bay,

While Hemingway relishes that, again my fingers bleed,

I am your servant,

Humble,

Awaiting your command,

Muse,

As the Ether, and my ladies,

Serendipity, Destiny and Fate intend.

Please,

Be not fickle,

I am not too proud to beg,

For what I feel is pure,

In this moment and those to come,

For you!

Shall your veil part slightly?

 

SDM

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Amorphophallus Titanium

Avenging my own unrelenting despair,

I and I,

And I,

In the same moment of space and time,

Dimensionally confused, refused, abused

And consumed,

Looking on myself from the outside,

As you see me,

Though none of you really can nor do,

Purging toxic stress,

Leaving me rattled and shaken,

The physics of my despair containing the meaning of life,

Yet I know,

Each day… survival is the name of the game,

Though soon I will,
Thrive,

As Muse will guide the way.

 

Presupposing that I was meant,

To feel this pain and suffering,

That it was mine by birthright,

Divine majesty of terrific torture,

This Black Dog screams,

Not knowing what is in store,

Though knowing that it involves words,

Words from you,

Those propel me on,

Pushing me from my own unrelenting struggle,

Pulling me to an awaiting greatness,

Pulling me ever closer,

Through the laws of motion,

To you,

Muse,

Who will set me free.

 

These words,

To you, may seem nothing more,

Than something which defines life,

But to me,

A word is power,

An unnerving power that jangles my cage,

And causes,

Sobering thoughts,

Plagued by a mind that never stops,

Both blessing and curse,

Hiding behind a well rehearsed smile,

And a thin veneer of extroverted exuberance,

That so few of you can see.

 

Introspective,

And reclusive,

Most nights,

I sit in the darkness,

Pondering a world I’ve left behind,

Gladly, as it surely would have killed me,

And a new world,

Unfurling right before my eyes,

Daily,

Reminding me that this struggle,

It is the joyful transition that makes me me,

I and I and I aware,

Like,

Amorphophallus titanium,

Ravishing to be sure,

As surely she will be,

My Muse,

She that will guide me from my darkness with nothing more,

Than her radiant soul,

Majestic spirit,

And what I know will be beautiful big brown eyes.

 

Diligent,

You have honoured me,

The Ether,

Giving me this blessing and curse,

And I in turn,

Honour you,

I and I and I

Acknowledging those imperious,

But leaving them,

Behind,

As I go forward,

Will you come with me?

Oh Buddha,

Whatever God there is,

He/She/It/They,

Let loose the hounds of hell,

My Black Dog,

Bring to me my greatest temptation,

A Muse,

To alight the fire in my soul,

To inspire the fire in all those around me…

I long to be slave to your master,

Love,

Of Muse,

Delivering me from me,

For you…

 

SDM

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Tempted Evermore

With sullen temptation my blessed sin,

Cardinal,

I hereby admit, for I have none other,

These words undress me,

Naked I sit,

On the edge of an emotional bed,

Head down,

Longing for just one touch from she that drives me wild,

My temptress,

Muse adored in eternal moments,

Though the distance between,

Keeps us just within reach,

Looking through a window to the future,

Through the lens of the present,

For this love so grand,

Royal ascent,

That She and I embody,

Personified love, lived,

Every day,

My quill,

Aimed squarely at her soul,

Deep recesses even She is too afraid to see,

As I know,

That more than once,

My words,

And the treasured sentiments,

Will keep her in my arms,

Muse,
I surrender to you,

For you,

alone.

 

Through sullen temptation,

I channel greatness, to become giant,

Bronte, Byron, Neruda and Shakespeare,

On the bench,

Shelley, Tennyson and Keats,

Summoning the courage,

The conviction,

The only truth there is,

She and I share,

Love,

Marking the way of our separation,

Only to find connection,

Their spirits,

Imbuing me with power,

Invigorating me to invigorate you,

Muse,

Fortified with every passing moment,

For She is love,

Muse,

And I am your faithful servant,

Humbled by passion,

Emboldened by your grace,

My light shining bright in her eyes,

Her soul,

My Rock of Gibraltar and Lighthouse at Alexandria,

And I coerced to her design.

 

With sullen temptation my only sin,

I invite you to share,

This,

A splendid love,

One you’ve never known,

Nor could again,

One of a kind,

Standing more than the test of time,

But the test of humanity,

And I correspondingly submit,

That I am Yours alone,

Muse,

Evermore,

All that from a window bench and quill,

The light reflecting what is right,

The moment I saw her,

And Muse became mine,

And I hers,

Alone!

SDM

 

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Somewhere out there…

 

From a very young age… around the time of my parents divorce I learned about love and what I wanted in life. I have been lucky in love (Mon Petit 😉 ) and I have been unlucky in love having been walked all over by several women that took advantage of me and my kindness. Instead of becoming bitter and disillusioned I have realized that my love is out there, that true love is the greatest treasure we may ever behold… Love will know me, understand and accept me for who and what I am. She will embrace my faults and press me to be a better man. She will not run when things get rough, she will help me rise above the fray. She will love me for me. We will marry and have as many kids as I can afford. I will treat her like a queen because I only know how to love one way… completely, unequivocally and without reservation. Whoever you are, where ever you are, I have not given up on love nor you and I humbly wait your arrival to begin a life of love, laughter, triumph, support even in the face of adversity. I have loved you since the day I was born and I can hardly wait to meet you. Love and Light, Sender

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