And the Duke said most of these words unto the unexhaulted, ridiculous and delusional human and High Duke of Raoul, the most silly, bishop of the beating, right hand of Lazlo and semi intelligent primate known as Sender D. MacLean;
I am a drunk drug riddled addict who lacks piety or benevolence although Non Omnis Moriar and as such I bequeath unto you these ten instructions that you may or may not follow at will as you choose and see fit in the pursuit and search for the fear.
You shall treat all, humans and non humans, with the same respect you yourself demand. Unless they are assholes or stupid which are sins and should be afforded every opportunity to slap them down to size as loudly as possible.
You shall constantly seek to improve yourself, not in measure to others, but to yourself, from one day to the next, you shall read, learn, expand your horizons and as such expand the same of those around you. You shall help all humans and non humans alike at every opportunity you can realizing that the only true crime in selfishness.
You shall live your life to the fullest, having bought the ticket (or perhaps more correctly having had it bought for you) it is incumbent upon you to take the ride, realizing that for every down an up will soon follow. And life, in the end, should be just one little drink better than it has been bitter.
Remember to keep holy all days that end in the letter Y, realizing that life is short and precious and must be enjoyed to the fullest extent allowed by the air in your lungs and the beating of your heart.
Honour Bourbon, Scotch, Beer and all distilled essences that are indeed the water of life knowing completely that it is and never will be enough until your heart stops beating. Especially important you must consume on every day that ends in Y and seek never to experience DT’s by ensuring that the blood in your alcohol system does not compromise your imbibing.
You shall not murder not because I said so but because it is the RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO. Unless such a grievous crime is committed upon you such as Rape or Pedophilia in which case research, find and utilize the most grotesque and painful methods to punish those SICK BASTARDS.
You shall enjoy every carnal pleasure possible unless it causes harm to another species and is without consent. Otherwise FUCK, SUCK and LICK ON!
You shall not take that which does not belong to you UNLESS you are hungry, homeless OR are taking it from the rich as a means of redistributing their ill gotten gains through the sleeping portion for the betterment of man. It is and always has been a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.
You shall not lie, unless of course, you’re getting paid to, as we all are, in which case realize everyone lies and when in Rome. “I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.”
You shall covet anything you want, so long as you don’t act on such covetous thoughts to the harm of another, unless of course it is the rich, ROB THOSE SONS OF BITCHES.
And the Duke continued to whisper in the earthly apostle Sender’s ear;
“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
Live my children, LIVE, use the mind you have been given to enrich your life and those around you, humanity and indeed the whole of the planet. Except for the politicians; FUCK THOSE vile hand slapping, baby kissing and candy stealing wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Remember in the end; “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
Know without doubt, I will not ever return, save that in the exercise of these tenets and my spirit imbued in you my fear seeking jubilants, look for the decadent and depraved, find the fear and loathing, live this life so hard, so free, so wonderfully that in the end even the GRIM fucking REAPER himself will be scared to come collect you for the recycled cosmic stardust that you are.
FUCK NIXON and his new world order henchman Henry Kissinger.