Tag Archives: chosen light

Visions of Muses

 

From deep within the terrifying yet oft exhilarating infinite limits,

Limitless,

Of Escher labyrinths,

This lost and found boy;

 

A chosen light, stirred, awakened, ignited;

S C R eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee A M S upon shattered bone yards

Of rhetoric,

Meteoric echoes of a boy confined in a mans body;

Though not his own,

Not mine, not now, not ever;

I and I and I,

Beyond comprehension as

Concentric circles collide,

Like the infinite loops of the Typhon, reminiscent of oracles,

Delphic;

 

Non Omnis Moriar, Non Omnis Moriar,
Non,

Omnis,
Moriar.

 

Cerebus, as always,

Chuckles as Orthus orbits death,
“Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.””

 

Reluctantly as yet without possibility beyond the foretold,

Alpha to Omega , Beta to Theta,

Gamma and everything in between,

Immortality now, sound bytes at a time,

Selfies and facebook posts;

The rush of fools, errands, errant,

Living for the dying, despicable pawns, in a cosmic quandary,

Little boy lost,

Here;

Doing societal laundry.

Moriar,

Omnis,
Non,

Trailing backwards granted powers beyond omnipotence,

As strange fruit hangs from trees,

The hollowed out trunks of spirits subdued, blackened by soot,

While Mississippi burns and the ashes pure,

White like a forest of birch,

The touch of the divine.

 

Asphalts stained with progress and hotter than the sun,

Reveal devilish intents, malcontents and miscreants,

Pugilistic linguists portend of a cunning,

Whereby they knowingly, willingly, crazily,

Cut off their noses to spite their faces,

A pound of flesh no more nor less.

 

While Lamia plots her nine course meal,

Virgil awaits her intrigue,

Delectable feasts for the sins of the father

Are revisited on the kindred innocent,

With Harpies as footservants and wolves as maître ds’.

 

The Sirens call, serially,

Sailing me to the edges of a vile torment,

One that was created a moment before my consciousness,

Primordially secreted and passed on,

As I too have done; Realizing I am

Left in a rowboat,

Steering for the rocks,

Bubbling discontent like an effervescent pill,

Bitter,

Locked inside…

 

Then,

With a heralds cry,

Hark,

Love,

Like a resounding vision,

In words, deeds and sensational vibrations,

Draws me near,

Pulls me, all of me,

I and I and I from the gauntlet,

Embraces every atom of my being,

And in that instant I understand,

The universal discourse,

Treatise and song,

That brought me back from the edge,

Void of reason,

Want or desire,

Other than the pure radiance and resplendence,

Of an authentic life,

Lived genuinely,

Advancing,

Choosing now to actively avoid the prison of my emotional suicide,

Instead practicing abstinence from it,

By being I and I and I,

And,

Creating,

s e r e n d i p i t y,

s e r e n i t y,

Love and L I G H T!

Sender D. MacLean

 

(Inspired by a good friend who gave me the following words; serendipity effervescent labyrinth abstinence rhetoric and the song)

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Road I’ve Been Down

Muse,

Of fire,

Ascending,

The brightest heaven of invention,

As promised by Shakespeare,

My birthright,

Long ago sworn by the Ether,

For only stolen moments here and there,

Poof,

Gone…

 

Where are you,

Where are you Muse,

Where do you hide,

Reside not only in my mind…

 

Why do you not show your face?

 

You have forsaken me just as love,

You have abandoned me,

Abandoned us,

The intense provocations of our young love,

Tempered by the hard and cold realities,

Our child paying the price,

One all too high,

Crashing me into a widening despair,

The grand canyon reverberating,

With my black dog’s howl,

How can you,

Muse,

Leave me more hopeless and helpless,

Lost in your confusion?

 

Failure, once more,

Knowing the wrong,

Yet feeling the right,

Muse can it be so,

That you suffer from an abject detestation of love’s grandest design,

For me?

Do you know what love is?

 

I was born of love,

Molded and forged by its waters that run deep,

Both its presence and absence,

The craving and the realization,

The departure and desertion,

For…

It is a tragic reality,

That Muse, the world knows that I am love,

Willing and able to commit myself without hesitation,

Even now,

Surrender to that lofty romantic ideal,

Especially now,

But for reasons unclear,

Perhaps cultural, familial or even more sinister,

You could not see, would not see,

Though assured you must be Muse,

One day, you will understand,

Though poof,

I am not there

(although I long to be ever more).

 

Muse,

Of fire,

I beg of you,

Return to these fingers,

This mind aching,

Reeling,

Yearning,

Unleash the Ether’s intent,

Once more use me as spark to reveal not just me,

But the world I see,

Through a child’s eyes,

As I see it,

For the rest,

You know of whom I speak,

For me,

But for you,

There is nothing I could not do,

I could not be,

For you Muse,

I would give my all,

The chances we didn’t take are always those we regret… forever!

 

Chances,

Second or otherwise,

This altruism,

Always finds us in the end,

When the hours are long,

But life is short.

And I wonder,

Will you ever feel the pain of these ripe cancellations,

First of our child,

Fatherhood a profound guardian,

Giving meaning to this existence,

Then of our star cross’d love?

A pox on the mental houses,

Of I and I and I.

 

Muse,

Of fire,

When will you again grace me with elegant prose,

When will you reveal yourself to me once more,

That I may be conduit for your greatness?

 

Allow me to shine for you,

With you,

By you

For all the world to see,

But only you to behold,

As I adore you,

Exalt you,

More intensely with each uncontrolled neuron,

Though my mind is awash in flags of red,

My heart is electrified with a rainbow of sensations,

Finding not the emptiness in a pot of gold,

Rather realizing fortune favours the valiant,

Who realize the best things in life are not things

And must always be treasured,

Cherished to the end,

Regardless of circumstance.

 

Muse,

Of fire,

I wish of you,

For you,

To return once more,

Return,

Until my fingers bleed,

Until my soul is crushed,

Only to be precious again,

Can I Muse,

Be precious,

Again?

 

Muse,

Of fire,

Come to me,

Please of you I beg,

Pleading with my Mistresses,

Fate, Serendipity and Destiny,

Overwhelming my insecurities,

Breaking down the walls,

Like Joshua at Jericho,

And no less weighty,

Shattered objections,

Finding peace,

In you,

With you,

For you,

Come to me,

As I know you want to,

Frightened as you are,

So too am I,

Although,

Together we can and should journey toward the light,

Chosen,

Muse,

Of fire…

D

N

E

C

S

A

 

And liberate my heart, body, mind and soul

 

 

D

N

E

C

S

A

 

To set us free…

 

D

N

E

C

S

A

 

Freeing yourself from the chains that bind you,

For despite my passion,

My deepening desire,

My soul,

On fire,

I can not liberate your mind,

Only you,

Only you can Muse,

Thus I beg of you…

D

N

E

C

S

A

SDM

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Epic Wrath of History Repeating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdY-rywIWNE

 

I’m deeply sorry,
Muse,
Profoundly sorry in fact,
An assault, one of the most meaningful moments in your life,
And most difficult to be sure,
Decisions had to be made,

Life altering,
Moreover, I supported them,
(As I have before, swearing never again)
Support you,
(despite supposed convictions ostensibly negotiable)
I am sorry,
So deeply sorry that it hurts me,
Reopening gashes that I’d finally come to terms with,
You must understand,
At least try to,
This is not a reflection on you,
Rather, a realization of my current plight, and me.

You see,
I have served at the feet of others,
Others desire,
Others needs,
Others want,
Others every whim,
For I believed that was the very cornerstone of love,
Unconditional and without equivocation,
Though only now learning
The difference between giving in and of
Giving of me,
Giving in to the plague of necessity.

I, as you well know,
I am,
Shackled by a burdensome depression,
(one that your presence lifts me out of)
My all too frequently visiting professor of despair,
Tenured,
(held at bay when you are near)
My Black Dog,
Mightier than Cerberus and even more terrifying,
Do you get that? Can you?
This is not hyperbole or a platitude
Instead my daily truth,
Quarreling with the hounds of my mental hell,
A mind that has split in three,
A suffering I wish not on you,
Not even my worst enemy,
Of which I have none,
But if I did,
I would not wish this torment upon them,
For a weaker mind,
Less inclined to fight,
May slip to the other side,
A fear I live with daily,
A thought I have as routinely as you brush your teeth,
Bipolar realities of imaginative suggestion,
The prison cell of both my consciousness and sub consciousness,
The defense mechanism that my internal acumen affords,
A dim but still burning candle taunting me forward,
Chosen light.

Thoughts constantly slashing,
Crashing as if the sea on erosion torn rocks,
The passage of time reflected in their scars,
But my scars you cannot see,
And this new one so raw,
Blinded by temptation,
Forbidden and yet so very right,
I long for more, for you, but
My scars are the inner cuts and bullet wounds,
Of a mind run amuck,
Of experiences I cannot erase,
Memories I cannot purge.

Despite my attempts to explain this virtual hell,
Virtual to you,
Real to me,
Of time marching on,
Thirty-eight years have passed me by,
Twenty two of which I fought with a bottle,
Just to get some sleep,
Inside of me,
A clock,
Destiny’s fingerprints,
Force me to these words,
As shelter from the tempest,
Fighting the course of nature,
Begrudgingly I accept my plight.

And I fight,
Though less for me,
More for those that do not have this gift,
More for those that cannot express this torture,
For my soul,
Twisted and tangled,
By the struggle I face,
Head on,
Though not necessarily head up,
Cross checking me into the proverbial boards,
Of universal discord,
Even now,
As I write these words,
Of these ordeals, disorders and complexes,
(forced decisions that while responsible, STING, the most)
Are uncontrollably forcing my eyes into and out of focus,
Globus Hystericus,
Choking on my own cacophony,
Repeated tragic fate.

Can you imagine,
What I face each day,
In and out of focus,
While my mind, though torn, is like a laser,
Words the beam I use to propel myself from madness,
I know my destiny,
I know what providence has in store,
And as you may or may not know,
I feel that I am worth more dead than alive,
Imagine dealing with that thought, not once a day,
But once every few minutes,
A horrible feeling,
Again,
That no human being should have to face,
(one that I need not face alone because of your grace)
I must,
Face the truths of what I have done,
For what I know is outweighed by what I do not.

Yet,
This is my battle,
This is my fight,
This is my cross,
And I will endure,
Feeling that I had left it all behind,
Until history, in it’s cruelest dimension,
Has repeated itself,
A horror show for me,
Tragedy for you
And I am sorry,
So sorry as, this festering wound is
Reawakening my dormant darkness.

I will press on,
(loving you with continual support)
As I contemplate what it means,
Failed lover,
Failed father,
Protecting mutual self interest,
In the most selfless way,
Finding,
To be this writer,
This beautiful mind,
As Warrior Poet,
Beaten by the battle,
Still waging this interminable war.

In this time,
In this place,
Forced to realize,
That every burden,
For every person everywhere,
Is as challenging as my own,
Just different,
And I know I have saddled you,
And for that burden,
As lowly servant,
I fall to my knees and beg of you,
Accept these honesties and let us together move,
Forward as intended.

Just different,
For we all are unique,
Beautiful,
Though I am restless,
To once again reclaim my rightful mind,
(with your adoring eyes as guide)
Minding the truth,
That this fight is mine alone,
Therefore, I am profoundly sorry,
As my time,
Is now,
To dismantle this mind of mine,
Putting it back together,
In my image,
Therefore, I may press on,
For others,
For you,
And I am relieved you are by my side,
As I must stand,
In this moment,
For us,
Warrior Poet,
Giant of spirit,
And delicate Peter Pan,

Love;
My personal odyssey.

SDM

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Only You…

Only You…

How do I pang for that someone,
Somewhere,
Out there in the ether,
The same ether that powers these words,
Tonight, as Cupid’s Conduit,
Considering this life long dream,
While My Mistresses Destiny and Fate,
Pursue the will of Lady Serendipity,
Who, in their grace
Now reveal to me what I always knew was true,
Intrinsic,
That inside of me burns the endless fire of passion’s delight,
That this chosen light,
Will not be dulled,
Cannot be suppressed,
And shall not be undone,
This Warrior Poet as love’s true voice in training,
For as yet I cannot reveal,
The full caress of these insights rare,
Where by day and night,
My only fascination,
Is the affair of the heart,
That will unleash in me, for you,
The unrestrained call of primal desire,
As guided by my ladies of the night,
Who coddle this broken heart,
Shattered by mistaken appraisals,
Piecing it back together brighter than it was before,
Allowing me the trespass of histories ghosts,
That my shadow dancing with a romantic ideal,
Will become my realized betrothed dowry,
These words though written by this hand,
Belong to your heart, your soul and your mind,
A gift so inconsequential for who you are and what you mean,
For their worth,
Are only registered,
When finally our eyes meet,
As our lips dazzle and entrance,
And the flare of our mutual appetite,
For a lifetime of embraced idealization,
Of our collective quintessential romantic dalliances,
Each and every moment of each and every day,
Together or apart,
How do I pang for you,
It’s here, plain for all to see,
Though the only one I wish to, hope to, pray for,
Is she that will finally see,
I am love,
And I belong to only you.

SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Chosen Light

I have to believe,
As in nothing I have ever before,
Save love,
Save you,
My time will come,
Maybe not tomorrow,
Maybe not next week or next year,
But it will come,
The agonizing trepidation of this soul,
Trembling from passions zeal,
A Warrior Poet,
Dressed in my ancestors pain,
Feeling with an empathy seldom experienced,
A surreal pain,
That paints my fears in tones of Dali,
Pollock and Klimt,
Spotlights my own acquiescence,
To relinquish who and what I am,
For nothing more than a dream,
A distant and tepid vision, cruelly holding me down,
But for you,
I will rise,
I will shine,
For as partners in intention you must,
Peer deep within your own reality,
And you will see,
That this has always been true,
My relentless pursuit to make this world a better place,
Fruitless despite countless attempts,
Those that left me empty,
Thirsty to ascend to my calling,
Unfettered and unending inclination to take from the world,
From you,
All that spoils of the fruit of your aspirations,
That I may transmit it,
Through my chosen light,
To the furthest reaches of your consciousness,
Far beyond the realms of space and time,
That I may touch your bosom,
Releasing you,
That I too may be realized,
In that moment,
Through that cry,
The human condition begging for more,
Without knowing how or why,
For I have been touched by Angels,
Consistently argued with the voices in my head,
Been witness to the exhalation of exhausted ambition,
Only to discover,
That I am the worker of my own discontent,
Because of this ripe anguish that I have always known,
Embracing it as I do a lover,
Acknowledging it as I did you,
So while I know that now, here and now,
I may not be what you expect,
What you had dreamed,
Or perhaps just supposed,
But when I remember the touch,
That blessed touch,
That so easily put me at ease,
I remember,
The innate qualities in me,
That drew you and the world near,
My time may not come now,
Next week, next month or year,
But I will shine,
Being who I need to be,
Chosen light,
For all the world to see.
 
SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized