Tag Archives: forever

And Yet It Moves…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e6C6U9I7VA

Am I?

I must be,

I am,

No,

A fool of a man?

As Neil Young suggests,

Love,

Rendering me inside a hallucination,

Endless fascination,

Destination love,

Journey begun,

Never to find,

The right path,

As so many times before,

Zigging where I should have zagged,

Yet,

This time,

Here with you,

I thought not of loosing,

For we both have everything to gain;

And yet,

The sorrow of ripe demise,

Pulls me in ever more dangerous directions,

Considering the unfathomable,

As for once, this time,

I believed,

And,

Still do!

The deepening haze,

Of the fog of this war,

Depression like a runaway train,

Love,

My constant conductor,

Up and down,

But here,

Now,

With you?

Fool?

Love?

Fate?

Forever?

Never?

Words,

But not just words,

For words spoken,

Reveal intent,

And a kiss is never just a kiss.

Am I just living for the dying,

Or dying for the living,

Love,

Sweet love,

Muse,

My nature,

What am I doing here?

Manically found in a proverbial Kansas,

Raining,

Twister,

Fate or just a fool?

Fickle,

Though this is a moveable feast,

A banquet,

At the chef table of me,

Where you will always have a seat,

Reserved,

Just for you.

I and I,

Held furtive,

By the runaway I,

That believed, believes,

I could,

I did,

Touch you,

As you touched me,

Did I move you?

Or just shoo you?

Were you an oasis in my desert,

Or like a ghost,

From Hemingway’s Paris,

My Paris,

Ours,

My haunting apparition,

Just not now,

Not here,

Or by me?

Ever?

Fool am I?

Must I be?

I am…

Fooled again,

By a radiant soul,

Glowing eyes,

And an impish smile,

Extraordinary rendition,

This confusion,

Shared,

Fool,

I,

Am.

Afraid!

Polarized,

Bi,

You!

And yet it moves,

My love,

Hmong Key…

And yet it moves…

SDM

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Bittersweet

The bittersweet,

Less chocolate,

More, irony,

Delicious torment,

Out of my greatest joy arises my greatest pain,

As with the ascent of emotions true,

So too upsurges the wave of my Black Dog’s howl,

Like the screaming baby I hear,

Do you?

Like a wolves cry on a full moon night,

Calling out something unknown,

All the while feeling the awkward presence,

Seeing the face, faces,

Of the decisions that had to be made,

As yet understood,

And infinitely painful,

Bittersweet,

The air is thick with the sweat of high stakes poker,

Though there is no tell that can reveal,

What we both know,

We both feel,

We both show our hands,

Though close to our chest they be,

ALL IN,

Calling out to each other,

Even if only through the ether,

Known,

Finding that the course of true love never did run smooth,

I must admit, accept and allow,

You to find your own way,

A fate worse than my own demise, or so it seems,

Called out as I have been,

For an argument with Hemingway and Picasso,

(“No true love ends well” and

“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction”)

I had to be destroyed by love,

In order to create love,

Flirting with the danger of Zelda,

(“I love you anyway-even if there isn’t any me or any love or even any life-

I love you.”)

The danger of you,

Our situation,

Situations,

Instant bond formed,

Lifelong,

As I reconsider who and what I am,

On a light cast,

Lingering,

Like the memory of your luminous smile,

Tongue in cheek,

Endless dimples and peace signs,

Keeping me going through the days,

These dark and heady days,

Past, present and future,

As a new time nears,

With the passing of the hours,

That I can finally unleash the hound,

Hounds,

Let loose the ills that have plagued me,

Plunging intensely into wave after wave of your hugs,

Even if only as a memory,

Relieving myself of the delicious anguish,

That has haunted me all my life,

Strife,

Abandonment,

Loss,

Struggle,

From the mouths of babes,

Promises made,

Broken,

Though my promise, ever true,

Always,

Battle after battle,

Inner destruction,

Outer costumes, one after another,

To hide the true nature of my character,

Hoping that none could see,

But they do,

You do,

As now I press further,

No longer filled with a wanderlust,

But instead satisfied,

With initial surrender,

Complete,

For you,

For me,

For us,

Fly Hmong Key, fly…

For the family I believed was to be,

As I know where this yellow brick road goes,

And I will follow,

If you will lead,

I will lead if you need follow,

Pulling back the curtain,

To find understanding in translation,

For, in your gaze,

I find,

Myself revealed to myself,

I and I and I wondering if perhaps, this time,

It may be… different,

Here and now,

Instead of there and then,

Just not now,

Not here,

No longer trapped by the shadow cast,

By a past I can not change,

That I must embrace, face and comprehend,

If I am to arrive at destination me,

With journey you,

Will you journey with me,

Hand in hand,

To another place,

That only we shall know?

Together at last,

Let us walk slowly,

Purposefully, with grace and delight,

Sloughing off confusion, fear and mistakes made,

Marching toward an endless night,

Howling like new lovers,

At our moon,

Swimming in our sea,

Tranquility,

As the ladies of night,

Destiny, Fate and Serendipity cry tears of joy,

As they only do,

With love found,

Like this love, perhaps

Between girl and boy?

 

But not the now,

For even some things that are meant to be,

For reasons myriad and as mysterious as love itself,

At a certain moment in time,

This moment,

Just can’t be.

 

It is said if you love,

Set them free,

If they don’t come back it never was,

If they do,

A new forever will emerge…

True love, never dies!

And I will always love you Hmong Key!

SDM

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Careless? (My Heart and Soul Believe Differently)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZrFS9NmX8Y

You speak of love,
I heard you,
But they are just words,
Aren’t they,
Weren’t they,
Are they
For what do you know,
(as I continue to learn more each day)
As I now wonder,
What you meant when you said you loved me,
For surely love would not do what you have done,
Love could not, would not,
Be so callous,
So unforgiving,
So uncompromising,
How could my lover,
After promising me the world,
And forever,
An unexpected child and more,
A child I have always craved,
You allowed me to float,
Soaring above the world,
The universe in your eyes,
Understanding the full context of history,
For more than a month,
Assuring me,
That what we had was real,
That it would last,
And in less than a year,
The daddy you now called me,
Words that made my soul tremble,
Would soon be the daddy,
That a child already loved would call me,
Raised toward the light;

Chosen;
Changing me,
For the better,
To be everything that I could be,
Everything that I am,
And will become,
Due to love enjoyed,
To enrich our child,
Uplift and inspire it,
Teach it well the world in which it is born,
And to aspire to the world that it could be,
You speak of love,
Yet leave me torn and broken,
Wishes of a future torn asunder,
Confused, it would seem,
Without a trace,
Of the love with which you spoke,
Claimed to have for me,
Professed as simply as any other statement,
But the sentiment it seems,
Is lost on you,
And is now lost on me,
Confused though you may be,
Love finds a way,
For surely,
This tragic loss,
Has wounded me in every way imaginable,
A pain that will endure,
Just as it had before,
Years before tragedy reborn,
And it is as if you don’t care,
Won’t care,
Can’t care,
But that is not love,
Do you love me,
I think you do,
I think your misperception has made it easier for you,
Letting go,
Giving in,
Giving up,
Without so much as an explanation,
And cowardly avoidance too boot,
But you are not a coward,
Apparently,
Awash in the cultural differences,
Between what I thought was true,
And what has quite simply revealed itself,
As the bogus words,
Of a confused and not so innocent little girl,
Whom I still love,
And always will,
Are you scared,
Of love,
Of us,
Of the challenges we must face?

Given the chance,
I know you would see,
Beyond the thin veneer,
Realizing just how sensitive I am,
Since a young boy,
Filled with hope and empathy,
Finding out how much I would give,
Could give,
For you,
For our love,
For our child,
And the future we could share,
Given the chance,
You would see how much I’ve changed,
With room always left to grow,
Given the chance,
You would discover,
That my words and actions combine,
Into a force more powerful than any known before,
You would see my tears,
And not mock them,
With feigned love,
Love,
Manifest,
Daily for you,
Given the chance,
You would see…

Can you?
Will you?
For that is what love would do,
And in my heart of hearts,
I do believe,
I shall believe that you did and do love me,
Don’t you?

And I,
I will always love you,
My Hmong Key,
And I am ready, willing and able,
To stand to any challenge,
Ravage the test of time,
To show you,
To show the world,
What real love would do,
Given the chance…

My love is true,
For you,
For now
And everlasting,
I will always be here,
For you.

Can you decide,
To be a lover,
To refuse to be so careless with another heart and soul,
Lifelong desires,
Are you strong enough,
To give us,
One more try,
Lover?

SDM

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Like A Dystopian Alice

Like a dystopian Alice,
I ponder the multiple reflections,
Of a mirror that is bound to lie,
Duty built to lie,
For in the interpretation of self,
We convict ourselves with untruths,
Those need to be considered if we are to find our true self,
To be,
Free.

Like a dystopian Alice,
I have wandered far and near,
Encountering my Cheshire,
The grin an assault on all that is right and just,
Though I can no longer ponder just or right,
Should no longer my lingering companion,
My Walrus and my supposed Queen of Hearts,
Only to unearth that all I once held dear,
Was nothing more than the lie I told myself?
Nothing more,
Shattered reflection.

Like a dystopian Alice,
I splay across the dresser of my mind,
Peering deep within the mirror,
That refuses to reflect,
The black dog that haunts me,
That tries now to morph or shape shift,
Into a tabby,
Ready to pounce,
Claw my soul into submission,
Claw my mind into the inane.

Like a dystopian Alice,
I take my potion,
I get big and small,
At once and never,
I encounter the freaks of my mind,
And close my eyes to escape their grasp,
Only to discover that I can not run,
I am too late,
My date is set in stone,
Though my destiny is printed on rice paper.

Like a dystopian Alice,
Spread across the landscape of tomorrow,
I am feeling inclined,
To recline,
Into a place in my mind,
That is so dark,
That even the sun could not make days bright,
And I long to shatter the illusion of me,
As readily as the mirror that reflects my lie,
I can no longer rest on my laurels,
It is time,
It is time,
For me.

Like a dystopian Alice,
I continue to stare,
Into a far off void,
That is no longer far off,
And no longer void,
My beard transplanted,
By smeared lipstick,
The tarnished self image that must be set free,
The tarnished self image,
That now is beginning to emerge,
As a vivid soul that must dance to forever,
Always knowing,
That my forever,
Is self defined?
And achieved.

Like a dystopian Alice,
I want to break free,
I want to stand erect,
I want to be,
Everything I have always meant to be,
Leaving behind,
A wonderland that was no wonder,
And a world that was bleak,
A blight on my soul,
That now releases me,
Shape shifting,
Instantly,
Into the me I already know I am,
No longer dystopian,
No longer Alice,
No longer the me I was,
Now the me I am.

Unlike a dystopian Alice,
I am not the victim of my own mind,
I am not the victim of a fun house mirror,
Nor some story teller that writes my words,
I write my words,
I am the words,
I am my word,
I am become.

SDM

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The Importance of Muse (4)

Surrender,
Sweet,
Surrender,
As I do,
I must,
For only at the altar of your feet am I exalted,
Propelled to a dimensional plain,
Of theories,
Strings and things,
Where consequence is chaos
And inconsequential
And action is order,
Called by you,
As I am,
Daily from across the universe,
Your haunting voice an echo from my past
And a deliverance to my future,
Muse,
Sweet,
Dear Muse,
How do I crave your affection,
For these words as much as for those eyes,
Undressing you
The lips that long to kiss you,
The hands that seem like thumbs,
Without yours intertwined,
Unbound,
Found,
In the words you sponsor,
Fostering in me a light that even I did not know,
Could not see,
Would not share,
But for these words,
Wherein I am both lost and found,
As in you,
Muse,
Lost and found,
Mostly found,
Yet happily lost,
Gazing as I have, do and will,
At those precious lines that alight your experience
And foreshadow a future as yet unknown,
Not shown,
Fully blown,
Away,
By you,
Muse!

Muse,

My heart yearns for more,

More than you may,

Less than I will,
Knowing that my destiny,
Wherever it shall be,
Involves a special choice,
Destined to reveal,
More of me to me,
Of you to you,
The answers sought,
In glimpses caught,
Together,
Knowing,
Unknowing,
Sowing the seeds of our redemption,
One kiss at a time,
Feeling that yesterday is gone,
Today is a gift
And we’ll never know what tomorrow brings,
Even in a love such as ours will be,
I long for you,
Pang painfully,
Motionless,
Like an emotional quicksand,
Believing and conceding,
All that I am,
All that I could be
And all that I was
For the solemn promise
Of that elusive forever,
That I have always sought,
For naught,
But for you,

Muse
Whomever you are,

Muse
Wherever you are,

Muse
I will find you,
I will die trying to find you,
I must find you,
As destiny commands,
For this performance,
Will be an encore daily relived,
Daily revived,
Daily,
Showing and knowing,
What love is and should be,
Because of your smile,
All the while undressing my soul,
As a present for you,
To we.

SDM

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