Tag Archives: Hmong Key

The Translation of Deceit and The Temptation of Desire

Lost in Translation…

Words,

Just words,

Right?

Just words…

Right?

It is commonly understood,

Love,

Is universal,

Felt by all,

Yet is it?

Now I am not so sure,

Me,

The very embodiment of that passionate urge,

The swelling surge,

That is as uncontrollable as the tides or gravity

And impossible to purge;

For here I am,

On wounded knee,

Felled,

Having given all of me,

And willing to give so much more,

Tempted by another’s fruit,

As the story goes,

I was,

Knowing what I was doing was wrong,

Persisting still,

Not knowing that it was to get worse,

As all things forbidden usually do;

Forbidden,

Reassured by your tender words,

The trance like innocence conveyed,

That betrayed the festering truth deep within,

Words,

Those you thought I wanted to hear,

Penetrating so,

Knowing I wanted to hear truth,

Not momentary,

But everlasting,

Convinced that what you held for me was real,

Compounded by those words you said to me,

Mocking temptress,

Vicious villain leaving me caught unaware,

In that moment,

Perhaps you expected me to say something different,

Perhaps hoping I would,

Is that the case?

I guess I’ll never know,

And in light of what has come to light,

I now don’t care.

In love,

You let me float on cloud high,

Nine and silver lined,

Seemingly higher than I have ever been before,

Realizing now the manic apparitions,

When with those words you changed me,

In an instant,

Looking into the future,

And whole lives flashing before my eyes,

My imagination wild with expectancy,

Expectant,

See,

Ripe,

As names resonated through my head,

Through my fingers,

Touching my pursed lips,

Kissing life,

Trying to find the one meaning,

That could somehow compliment what I believed we had,

But did we ever?

No,

Your deception now clear,

Intention however lost,

Despite my over thinking.

Now what I am left to consider,

As my heart cries out,

Like a lone lemming,

In search of family,

The family I believed I was starting,

That you let me believe for too long,

Was going to be real,

Finally,

In love,

A child conceived of love,

But do you know what love is?

As poison dripped from your lips,

Seeping into my veins,

And killing me from within,

For that which I could not be without,

The manipulation of my desires, dreams and aspirations,

The game you play,

Not just on me,

But all.

Do you know what love is?

Truly inside your heart and soul?
Nay, simply the wicked game,

Played by your insecurities,

Those measured imperfections,

Shadows of shadows,

Wherein you hide,

Mata Hari to your own needs,

Momentary,

Stated,

Never satiated,,

By your own despotic evil,

Webs of deception,

As in my hurt,

My eyes wide open,

Availed once more,

Of the piercing screams of my dark companion,

Lifelong,

Depression,

That woeful Black Dog.

Left to understand what you never will,

For love would not do what you have done,

Could not,

Let me feel the way I felt,

Let me believe what I did,

Including as cannon fodder,

Our families both,

A lifetime,

Forever,

A loving girlfriend, wife and mother,

The most wonderful present you offered,

And as a man, I was ready,

To stand up,

Doing whatever necessary,

To support our burgeoning family,

Nothing I would not do,

Nothing,

And I would have been for you.

But no more,

Given the chance,

No more,

Given the chance,

No more shall I beg a fool,

For surely you are,

I was;

All that you wanted and more,

Instead blinded by your own iniquity,

A fanciful insanity,

Delusions,

Not unlike my own,

Though I never had a malicious thought, nor action,

Knowingly,

But for you, I was pawn,

And you were Queen and King,

Making a jester of my thoughts and desires,

Deeper into the burrow of your sham.

All that I am,

Once,

For all of you,

For each other,

For our families,

For our child,

The full spirit of love exposed,

Expressed,

And then repressed,

As now tempered reason,

And lies exposed,

Reveal no burgeoning translation would ever be,

Now,

Wandering lost,

In cultural differences,

Secret life,

Lives,

Yours now reveal,

Very real,

Though now free,

Stinging my broken heart,

Crushing my wounded spirit,

Questions,

Endless,

That will never be answered,

Or will they?

Seemingly the truth has set me free…

Uncertainty brash and deeply hurting,

A fragment of the man I was,

To become the man I will be,

Not for you,

But for a love requited,

True,

Understood beyond the words so meaningless to you,

Hmong Key,

The ‘Key’ indeed, you were,

Words;

Ones never lost,

In translations!

SDM

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My Iniquity

 

The darkened sky,

A transformative canvas,

Black, as a starless night,

My soul heretofore rising and falling,

On seemingly blatant whims,

Manic yes,

Depressed no,

Setting me on an uncharted course,

Of history, the present and future yet revealed,

Empty, like a new found easel,

Palette stained with the blood on my hands,

And yours,

Decision made,

To have the most perfect child of the light,

Months of manic expression,

Blessed transformation of my soul,

Decision made,

Miserable repression of wretched sorrow,

In a feigned attempt to rid myself of my acceptance,

Of a choice, I dare not make,

Let alone accept,

But what choice could there be,

Cleaning the slate to record the singularity events,

We’re barely yet to understand,

You, moved on, with nary a thought for what we’ve done,

Me,

Trapped inside festering deliberations of the apparent lie I bought,

Selling my soul once more to an imagined devil,

Selling my soul for your comfort,

Placing your needs above my own,

As expected,

Demanded,

By the circumstances of fate,

Hmong Key,

Deleterious choices that were not mine,

But to which I am a party,

And will eternally be strained to accept,

The theorems of our own grandeur decorated,

Foolish grown children,

Playing with fire,

Whereby I alone am burned,

By the footsteps I will never hear,

The cries I can never answer,

The first words I will never hear,

Launching me into a vanguard of disheartened insurrection,

Perplexed, by how quickly in a moment, all can change,

And for what,

To what profit,

In the red,

Celebrated scourging accolades, unearned,

For once more I failed my child,

I failed my love,

Hmong Key, how did I fail you?

I did fail you, didn’t I?

Like an exam I could not understand,

Words like gibberish, heard but never agreed,

For the wide canyon between our desires,

Grand,

So easily unseated by the opinion of others,

Family or no,

The choice made, was yours and yours alone,

Though I can not fault you,

For you did what you had to do,

And I stood by,

Like a trainer ready to throw in the towel,

Constantly reimagining what could have been,

What should have been,

What most I appeal for to the Ether,

What most you chide as a non event in your life,

Evidenced by the ease in which you,

Tossing our child, our love and me sideways,

Castaway by immature reconciliations,

Serving neither you nor I,

Though surely a life sentence I am again to serve,

Parole from these manifestations an unlikely event,

Causation,

Dwelled on like a circadian rhythm without deliberation or meditation,

Though for all the days between that and this,

I have thought of little more,

Than ten fingers and ten toes,

Blue eyes and black hair,

Beyond the superficial, horizons seen,

Realizing that I have flown too close to the sun,

Clipped wings,

Shattered soul,

From the veracity pained before our mutual eyes,

The tree of life, yours, mine,

And our beautiful child,

Stolen from my grasp,

As I clutched to the hope that finally,

Here and now,

It was to be,

Or instead not to be,

As my vicious companion,

My black dog reminds me,

And despite the noblest of intentions,

I failed you,

Our child, unborn,

Aborted,

And myself,

Authentic pleas loudly expressed,

Though the Ether did not hear,

Would not hear,

You refused to hear,

For here we are,

Separated by time and space,

Forever connected by the love we made,

Conceiving an innocent victim,

To our foolishness,

From which our existence is unabated,

Though not that of our child,

As we slaughter you whole, one by one by one,

As I have time and again and again,

Lost that most dear to me,

Ten fingers,

Ten toes,

Woe be not me,

Yet distressingly I bemoan what could not be,

For reasons clear as mud,

Yet crystal in your demise,

My child,

Beautiful child,

Innocent,

Choking as you did on our avarice,

Only to breath into fresh suggestions, disregarding our malice,

As if you could,

As if you should,

Bent on allowing us to thrive and continue to survive,

Though you, innocent, could not live,

Despite the persistence of our choosing,

At your expense,

And that of our continued optimism,

For now restless I consider,

All you could have been,

And all that I stole from you,

Your first breath,

The beating of your beautiful heart,

The resplendence of your love born soul,

Regardless of my veneration of it,

Devotion to not just the idea of you,

But in fact, you,

I am now stuck in place,

Quicksand of emotional sinking,

Peculiar reproductions, of the time before,

And the time before that,

I guess the third time is not a charm,

But instead the noose I wear around my neck,

Waiting for the floor to collapse between my feet,

The only punishment suitable,

The bear trap crushing my soul,

One hurtful thought at a time

Evocative spectacle of menacing exquisiteness,

For truly you would have been exquisite,

In my mind’s eye you always will be,

What of your thoughts Hmong Key?

What do you see when you close your eyes at night?

Is the nightmare the same as for I?

Portentous, sinister and yet curiously inviting,

As three dimensions squeezed into two,

And for a time two became three,

We,

Mother,

Father and unborn child,

Aborted,

As the final countdown reached the hour of my defeat,

You knocked up, pregnancy a suit you wore well,

And me knocked out,

By the simplicity of your words,

Followed by actions,

Transiting mine own compromise once more,

Door closed on the haunted house of my trespasses,

Under pressure,

Pressures,

That I, myself, had ill conceived,

Though you, my child, were not,

Instead realized in a moment of blind passion,

That continues to consume me,

As we did you,

Foolish children we were,

Are,

Loosing our souls,

To gain what?

To what avail?

Loosing each other,

And a piece of ourselves to which we will never arise,

At least not I,

You traverse unanswered, buttress our intimidation of beings,

She and I,

Mother and Father,

Become judge, jury and executioner,

Executioner, once more,

For both she and I,

Loosing more than just you,

But a piece of us,

Conceptions of love revealed,

To be the false hope of prophetic wisdom,

Fanatical depictions of what was, could have been and now is,

Not,

By what right of universal law,

Those commands from the Ether,

What right,

Did we have?

Ultimately giving way to the thoughts of man,

Touchdown in mere minutes upon this empty void,

Whereby you suffered,

I suffer,

Depressed and manic,

Considering the role I played,

The life you gave,

That I allowed to fall victim,

Once more,

An act of love, true and necessary,

For her, not I,

But I was a passenger in this crime,

Necessarily so,

For as man, I have no right,

To deter the decisions of your mother,

Or any woman,

No excuse offered,

Rather the acknowledgement of my delinquency,

My crime, convicted,

For I did stand idly by,

Waiting for you to die,

Of my feebleness to prevent this,

Longing for you to see the light of day,

Rather sent to the pits of hell,

By me,

Those steps I long to hear,

Now are the nightmare that I experience,

Night and day,

Flamboyant bizarre dints,

My psyche dented,

From a child love invented,

And cowardice took away,

Too easily, though not for I,

Or I and I,

Broken fragments of a dream shattered,

Reflecting the reality of the decision made,

And for what?

A proper penchant of collective tête-à-tête,

Though no words could I say,

Other than I supported her in your demise,

That also represents a dying on mine own,

Awkward,

In stains, blood, shades, hues and tones, all red,

Millions of them,

Demolishing what I thought I was,

For what again I’m become,

Failing you,

Failing her,

Failing,

Period,

Deluded by hidden lies,

Behind a radiant smile,

And glowing eyes,

That now seem, at least a bit,

To have lost their glint,

Just as my own,

Brought to the forefront of perception, judicious,

Judge, jury and executioner,

Ignorance of universal law is no excuse,

For what we’ve done,

Restrained sway of the eye enclosed,

Millions of possibilities,

Only one outcome,

As I failed you,

My child,

Beautiful boy or girl,

The language of my greatest burden,

Playing God,

While He/She/It/ They laugh,

At our imprudence,

Suffering now my crime of omission,

In a galaxy confined in the brain, rightly so grey,

For in this decision there was no black nor white,

Only grey,

The central question, importance and measure of our lives,

Our desire born love child,

Delicate haunting arms outstretched,

But to no avail,

You begged to be assumed, moved, valued,

Though no value did you have for she,

Seemingly only me,

As our tree of life is evermore death,

Yours,

Amplified in bewildering events,

One pill at a time,

Followed by the source of life,

Water,

Which again found the path of least resistance,

And I was held captive,

In symbolic penitentiary and isolation,

Our intention understood,

But not accepted,

Rippling loops artifact humiliating me once more,

Gushing tears at the banality of this man,

This consecrated gift, ours,

You,

Raped,

Without recourse or further consideration,

How can one be so cold,

Decision made, no explanation and instead the running of the bulls,

Whereby the Key,

In fact, once more became the lock,

That holds me prisoner,

Shackled by the very thought of you,

And what I have done,

Once more,

Ever more,

It was me,

It was she,

And the empty vagaries of an apology,

Falls upon her deaf ears,

And my wounded heart and soul,

Forced solitude to engage my darkest hour,

As the hour of your birth approaches,

Stolen from you,

Stolen from me,

I am failed,

I am convict,

Guilty,

Of crimes against humanity,

Against you,

My unborn child,

Cast aside,

Aborted,

And thus my torture ensues,

Considering the iniquity of man,

My own,

Iniquity,

 

I am,

 

Sorry!

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Unrealized Apologies

There is nowhere to hide,

From yourself,

Myself,

For one cannot hide from their own truth,

Truths,

The perpetration of penetrating solemn condemnation,

For I have been measured,

As was our child,

Found wanting,

Laying bare,

Exposed,

A soul to shine,

Souls,

Wandering,

Filled with a lust for life,

Not just mine own,

But also of that higher calling,

The calling of all species,

Procreation,

Pro,

Creation,

Commanded by a power I can not see,

But courses through my veins,

A purpose driven emotion,

Long repressed,

Only to once more,

Come off and up,

From a moment of sheer ecstasy,

The giddy smile, of a beauty rare,

Caught in the resplendence of a soul,

Hmong Key,

That also wanders,

Nomadic, lost and free,

Confused and scared,

Just as I was,

Just as I am,

Allowing once more,

Things outside of my control,

To fell me,

Like an ear of corn,

Stalked,

Lopped off like Van Gogh’s,

Where the darkness of the night,

Reveals no stars,

Just hidden scars,

However, there can be no removal of this stain,

Upon my soul,

Upon my soul,

Strained,

Whereby again the forces at work,

Arisen from the past,

Cry out to me,

In tomes and hues,

Of a sorrow that I cannot deny,

A sorrow I will not deny,

Zion clenched from my ready fist,

Aborting,

To fight for what is right,

Yet, here I am, exposed,

Sitting here,

In abject pain,

Once caused by a tango,

Of we, two,

A beautiful night,

Nights,

Of passion raw and rare,

Glimpsing the prospect of a new portend,

The life imagined,

So many times before,

Foolish hubris of youth,

The mental anguish of the manic high,

Brought on by the words I have longed to hear,

“I’m pregnant!”

Longing temporarily answered,

One moment of paradise, found, moments,

Lost,

Words every bit,

If not more powerful,

Than,

“I love you!”

For those words,

Demand a higher calling answer,

The Ether,

My Mistresses Destiny, Serendipity, and Fate,

Dancing me ever closer,

Without consent,

Achelous’ daughters,

Calling me ever nearer to a manifest providence,

That once more sought and seeks,

To destroy me,

Figurative and literal,

While Demeter rebukes them,

And I,

And I and I,

What can I say,

What can I do,

To escape this tortured hell,

Greeted by my Black Dog,

Cerberus no longer chained,

Ready and willing to feast not just on my soul,

But that of you and our child,

Whose only crime,

Was conception,

Ironic,

The complete circles of Dante’s comedy,

Divine,

Yet cast as I am,

Into the fiery pits,

Devastated once more,

Again,

By the circumstances of fortune,

That favoured not this bold,

Warrior Poet,

For in my candor,

In my moment of sheer bliss,

I could not see,

I would not see,

That which was so obviously painted in front of me,

As it had been behind me all these years,

Hell has a permanent place in my soul,

Travelling with me every step of the way,

As the Devil, dances, gleefully,

Like Nero,

Fiddle in hand,

As my insides burn,

Invisible to you,

Realized to me,

A tortured existence,

Brought on by ill tempered passion,

Though surely, I would gladly trade,

Every breath,

Every beat of my heart,

That my child may have lived,

Our child,

For the capacity, with love tendered,

Would have rendered a cherished gift,

Treasure,

To behold,

As surely, I would have,

In addition, indeed venerate at this moment of delicious torment.

Those words,

Sweet when softly spoken,

Inside a darkened room,

Forbearing this brooding sentience,

Sentence,

Life,

Death,

As the decision made,

Not by me,

Had no other choice,

No other choice,

But to stand back and watch,

A further demise,

Like Icarus, I had flown,

Too close to the sun of my own realizations,

Be careful what you wish for,

As the hidden truths of majority rule,

Are nothing but the illusion,

Of allusion,

Creed of dissent,

My voice drowned out,

My will denied,

As a piece of me died,

Dies,

Once more,

Again,

Confronted,

By the defeat of necessity,

Necessity,

Not necessarily so,

But the weakness of temptation,

Insane,

Leads down a path more taken,

Rather than the one which makes all the difference,

Would have,

Could have,

Should have,

Priorities checked and unchecked,

Crushed,

By the iniquity of my own acquiescence,

Though nothing could be done,

Nothing.

Vacuous apologies,

Masking terribly this gloomy sorrow,

Meek,

Sorry is not the hardest thing to say,

It is the hardest thing to realize,

For even in these words,

This expression of endless grief,

I know what I have done,

What we have done,

To what I have been a party,

To what we two caused, both in love and in lust,

Deceived by youthful exuberance,

Guilty,

Blood on my hands,

My own,

Our own,

That of our child,

Desired,

Yet,

Determined resilience to a lifetime concerned,

Whereby everything in that moment changed,

I remember,

Hmong Key,

The exact expression,

That you feared would be our demise,

Instead exposing my lifelong desires,

Deftly engaged,

For months,

Until hell hath no fury,

Like cultural mores,

And the stink of corroding flesh,

The die already cast,

Our own,

I remember,

I remember,

I remember,

Now lost inside the strain and sorrow,

Of knowing,

Tomorrow,

Tomorrow and tomorrow,

Was taken not just from you or I,

But the beautiful bright eyes,

Of the life we destroyed,

Sorry just does not seem to be enough,

Not for me,

Not now,

Not here,

With the advent of a child,

Torn from my longing desires,

Now in passionate retreat,

Sorry will never be enough,

Not for me,

Not,

Ever.

SDM

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Fate’s Slight of Hand?


Slight of hand?

I think not,

For love has made me daring,

Persistent and true.

 

While arming to the teeth the rambunctious modality of fate,

Tears,

Fallen from the heavens of your own aspiration,

Of experience as teacher,

For surely this love you need know,

And you do, don’t you?

A reward for a life lived on terms indivisible, from which you are,

My Hmong Key,

At some point, despite your cat calls to the opposite,

Tears will continue to fall,

Rain drops the size of flattery,

Smiles the size of a child’s laughter,

Brown eyes brighter than the big bang,

And woman,

You,

Hmong Key,

Tears free from inhibition,

Free from the same rules that you deride,

Finding the strength with in,

Knowing what you do not want to be without,

Washing away the iniquity of man (men) and time,

If only for a moment,

Crying out for Hmong Key to follow your own path,

And you do, don’t you, my Key?

You are!

You will!

A path you started walking with your first breath,

When you began to crawl, to walk and to run,

Forging a path that is not for the faint of heart,

Weak of mind or menaced by the soul,

In your rabid individualism you keep others at bay,

While at the same time pulling them in,

Ever closer,

With a swipe of your hand across the sky,

For in this world, at this time,

You are creator and created,

A new horizon realized by you,

For you,

At the zenith of your projection,

Can you feel it?

Will you?

Witness to your own grandeur,

I watch from the sidelines,

Having been placed there by you,

For the now,

Leaving me in a stubborn state,

For I only know how to love completely,

Fully and without equivocation,

Nothing I would not do,

Where I am always

Longing to touch in you,

That which you have touched in me,

Awakened this Warrior Poet,

To new realities

And a brighter future,

Ours,

Treasured Muse,

Of more import to my life than all the works of art,

Contained in all the museum palaces of the world,

Your grace the very air I breathe,

I crave you,

I desire you,

I need you,

I live for you,

Loving you with

Every beat of my heart,

And only sustenance is when our lips meet anew,

Each time,

As you grant me new life,

New hope,

New love,

Watching as I have,

As I will,

As I do,

The earth reaching up to touch you,

The heavens reaching down to restore

Your virtuous grace

Such that it may know your immensity as I do,

But I ask Hmong Key,

Why,

Why do you continue to run?

Though the question,

Rhetorical,

For I believe I understand.

 

As Muse,

As mine,

You cannot deny the will of the gods,

Nor run from your fate…

 

A happy home!

 

Our palace?
Built on the pure foundation,

Of a love so rare,

It defies all logic or reason,

Delivered,

As blessed and beloved gift,

From the Ether,

The universe has a plan for us,

Divine.

Until the end of time…

What do you say,

Perchance a dream,

Together,

Realized?

 

SDM

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And Yet It Moves…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e6C6U9I7VA

Am I?

I must be,

I am,

No,

A fool of a man?

As Neil Young suggests,

Love,

Rendering me inside a hallucination,

Endless fascination,

Destination love,

Journey begun,

Never to find,

The right path,

As so many times before,

Zigging where I should have zagged,

Yet,

This time,

Here with you,

I thought not of loosing,

For we both have everything to gain;

And yet,

The sorrow of ripe demise,

Pulls me in ever more dangerous directions,

Considering the unfathomable,

As for once, this time,

I believed,

And,

Still do!

The deepening haze,

Of the fog of this war,

Depression like a runaway train,

Love,

My constant conductor,

Up and down,

But here,

Now,

With you?

Fool?

Love?

Fate?

Forever?

Never?

Words,

But not just words,

For words spoken,

Reveal intent,

And a kiss is never just a kiss.

Am I just living for the dying,

Or dying for the living,

Love,

Sweet love,

Muse,

My nature,

What am I doing here?

Manically found in a proverbial Kansas,

Raining,

Twister,

Fate or just a fool?

Fickle,

Though this is a moveable feast,

A banquet,

At the chef table of me,

Where you will always have a seat,

Reserved,

Just for you.

I and I,

Held furtive,

By the runaway I,

That believed, believes,

I could,

I did,

Touch you,

As you touched me,

Did I move you?

Or just shoo you?

Were you an oasis in my desert,

Or like a ghost,

From Hemingway’s Paris,

My Paris,

Ours,

My haunting apparition,

Just not now,

Not here,

Or by me?

Ever?

Fool am I?

Must I be?

I am…

Fooled again,

By a radiant soul,

Glowing eyes,

And an impish smile,

Extraordinary rendition,

This confusion,

Shared,

Fool,

I,

Am.

Afraid!

Polarized,

Bi,

You!

And yet it moves,

My love,

Hmong Key…

And yet it moves…

SDM

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Bittersweet

The bittersweet,

Less chocolate,

More, irony,

Delicious torment,

Out of my greatest joy arises my greatest pain,

As with the ascent of emotions true,

So too upsurges the wave of my Black Dog’s howl,

Like the screaming baby I hear,

Do you?

Like a wolves cry on a full moon night,

Calling out something unknown,

All the while feeling the awkward presence,

Seeing the face, faces,

Of the decisions that had to be made,

As yet understood,

And infinitely painful,

Bittersweet,

The air is thick with the sweat of high stakes poker,

Though there is no tell that can reveal,

What we both know,

We both feel,

We both show our hands,

Though close to our chest they be,

ALL IN,

Calling out to each other,

Even if only through the ether,

Known,

Finding that the course of true love never did run smooth,

I must admit, accept and allow,

You to find your own way,

A fate worse than my own demise, or so it seems,

Called out as I have been,

For an argument with Hemingway and Picasso,

(“No true love ends well” and

“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction”)

I had to be destroyed by love,

In order to create love,

Flirting with the danger of Zelda,

(“I love you anyway-even if there isn’t any me or any love or even any life-

I love you.”)

The danger of you,

Our situation,

Situations,

Instant bond formed,

Lifelong,

As I reconsider who and what I am,

On a light cast,

Lingering,

Like the memory of your luminous smile,

Tongue in cheek,

Endless dimples and peace signs,

Keeping me going through the days,

These dark and heady days,

Past, present and future,

As a new time nears,

With the passing of the hours,

That I can finally unleash the hound,

Hounds,

Let loose the ills that have plagued me,

Plunging intensely into wave after wave of your hugs,

Even if only as a memory,

Relieving myself of the delicious anguish,

That has haunted me all my life,

Strife,

Abandonment,

Loss,

Struggle,

From the mouths of babes,

Promises made,

Broken,

Though my promise, ever true,

Always,

Battle after battle,

Inner destruction,

Outer costumes, one after another,

To hide the true nature of my character,

Hoping that none could see,

But they do,

You do,

As now I press further,

No longer filled with a wanderlust,

But instead satisfied,

With initial surrender,

Complete,

For you,

For me,

For us,

Fly Hmong Key, fly…

For the family I believed was to be,

As I know where this yellow brick road goes,

And I will follow,

If you will lead,

I will lead if you need follow,

Pulling back the curtain,

To find understanding in translation,

For, in your gaze,

I find,

Myself revealed to myself,

I and I and I wondering if perhaps, this time,

It may be… different,

Here and now,

Instead of there and then,

Just not now,

Not here,

No longer trapped by the shadow cast,

By a past I can not change,

That I must embrace, face and comprehend,

If I am to arrive at destination me,

With journey you,

Will you journey with me,

Hand in hand,

To another place,

That only we shall know?

Together at last,

Let us walk slowly,

Purposefully, with grace and delight,

Sloughing off confusion, fear and mistakes made,

Marching toward an endless night,

Howling like new lovers,

At our moon,

Swimming in our sea,

Tranquility,

As the ladies of night,

Destiny, Fate and Serendipity cry tears of joy,

As they only do,

With love found,

Like this love, perhaps

Between girl and boy?

 

But not the now,

For even some things that are meant to be,

For reasons myriad and as mysterious as love itself,

At a certain moment in time,

This moment,

Just can’t be.

 

It is said if you love,

Set them free,

If they don’t come back it never was,

If they do,

A new forever will emerge…

True love, never dies!

And I will always love you Hmong Key!

SDM

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No Ordinary Love

Have you ever been flying in a dream,

Only, like Icarus,

Find yourself flying too close to the sun,

Wings unglued, undone,

Falling fast and free toward the ground?

Like I am now,

Beat up by the annulment

Of my two greatest desires,

Love, requited, as by my lover and wife to be,

And for the love of my child,

Purported, distorted and now, like me,

Abandoned.

 

That my dear girl,

Muse,

Is how I feel now,

Enraptured by a thought conceived,

At the moment of my conception,

Hopefully leading to a reality believed,

And then lived,

With you,

Muse.

 

For in the invitation of your smile,

I like Romeo, and you, like Juliet,

I would rather die than be without you,

Can you understand?

Will you?

Nor can I, for there is no reason,

Save those that express themselves here,

Logic,

Like a machine gun in affairs of the heart,

Where this soul bleeds missives,

Longing and desire in the trench warfare of sensations so rare,

They must not,

Not,

Be ignored,

Confused, or otherwise,

In true love,

Resistance is futile,

And this is true isn’t it?

 

Should these clever words not reveal,

The eaten core,

Of the battered history of this wounded heart,

Lets we, start anew,

Today a new beginning,

Filled with all the hope and promise we both know is real,

Genuine,

In the clever pursuit of each other,

Overcoming all obstacles,

Muse,

To disclose this mask of sorrow,

That would readily disappear tomorrow,

Should you find the conviction,

Inside these dictions,

To return,

To,

Sender.

 

Is this what happened?

Happens?

To those fabled men? Histories giants?

Captivated by those women who immediately owned their mind, body and soul,

Those men,

Like me now,

Who met their muses,

For certainly these words profess,

You are, my Muse,

Evidenced herein I wonder,

Aphrodite,

Cleopatra,

Helen of Troy,

All enchanting,

Just like you,

You.

Those words spoken,

Can not be undone,

Those feelings expressed,

Did not, do not just fade away,

True love never dies.

 

Delilah,

Eve,

Ruth,

Who though perhaps uncouth still held court,

And found their men measured and wanting,

Of them,

Each victim of Cupid’s arrow instantly beguiled,

Finding in their evolution,

For we all change,

Evolve,

Become better,

The conclusion that love,

Only love,

Is the answer.

 

Philemon,

Echo,

Eurydice,

Shall I Orpheus be?

Unleash the tormented tears of gods and nymphs alike,

As I have been bitten,

Not smitten,

Bitten by the intrinsic charms that make you the unique flower you are,

My Lily,

Shall I to the underworld,

Begging of those gods for your return,

Though this time remembering to not look back,

Until this earthly plain we have arrived,

For I do not want you to vanish,

Ever.

 

Our story,

So far, as yet, unwritten,

May be, we, like Salim and Anarkall,

You the beautiful courtesan,

And me the ordinary boy,

With an extraordinary mind,

Beautiful,

Falling for you in a moment of grace,

Where your eyes danced,

And your spirit soared,

Inspiring these words that adore,

But I can no more make you love me,

Than I can make the sun revolve around the earth,

But I do not want to watch you,

At my expense,

Entombed in front of my eyes,

Ordinary boy that I may be,

Ordinary, you,

Are not.

 

Are you my Penelope?

As Odysseus are we to be ripped apart at the seams,

Years passing,

Twenty,

Before you realize that I can, will and want to take care of you,

Ever more,

True love,

This, possible,

Is not only worth waiting for,

But is worth being without other suitors,

Ever present though they may be,

For I know what I desire,

And it is only within you,

Muse.

 

Like Pocahontas and John Smith,

From two different worlds we may be,

But the same earth we share,

And that is enough to make me feel the warmth of your soul,

With every step I take,

Electrified by the earth we share,

Where I, empowered, by your loveliness,

Of beauty I dare not speak, instead that inner resplendence,

Such that I would bear the burden of the torture,

This torture,

Literal and figurative,

Of being without you,

Where informed of my death you move on,

Only to discover years later,

That you were and are,

The only one for me,

True lovers,

Meant and destined to be.

 

Even in death I long to be with you,

Strewn across the affairs of your heart,

Like Pyramus and Thisbe,

Babylonians to the end,

Like Rapunzel are you in a tower?

May I ascend?

Freeing you from your confusion,

And all that ails you?

 

Friends though only now we have become,

A lifelong story begins with one step,

Having taken one, two, three,

Are you ready to take more?

I believe you are,

Stop fighting your desire,

Soar with me.

 

And this journey is not yet run,

While surely you are the fairest,

Doubtless,

Without equivocation,

The beast I may be,

But your beast I will be,

Bearing the burden, gleefully,

Of ensuring your every happiness,

Only to discover that your veil inside the lion’s mouth,

Makes my life no longer matter,

Such that without you,

I would pierce my own chest,

That in death we may again be reunited,

(hopefully years from now on B-612, ours)

For perhaps in seeing this dedication,

You too would see,

What may be.

Are we like Paolo and Francesca,

You, temporarily destined to Gianciatto,

While I sit in wait,

While we both read of Guinevere and Lancelot,

Finding in that tale the tale of our own,

Once upon a time and happily ever after,

Where for a brief moment,

Before our demise we know,

Truly,

What love can be?

 

Let’s hope it is not too late…

Like Eloise and Abelard,

Shall I be your tutor,

And you my teacher,

Secret advances,

While our affection grows,

A love for the ages,

Sages imparted as we find,

That the dog you seek,

Becomes the child we both crave,

Born of a rare love,

And a circumstantial tragedy,

Tearing me apart, only to rebuild me again,

Better than before

Are you ready,

Separated by a love that makes me monk and you nun,

Evermore in love,

With nothing more than these words of evidence,

And my every action too,

Of what I believe to be true,

Am willing to profess,

Dare I say,

Know.

 

Perhaps we are like Layla and Majnun,

Tragically aware, that this love can’t be,

Cultural realities,

Marital realities,

Confusion,

Won’t be,

Yet should be,

Is this love unattainable?

Our love observed by a previous lover,

Maybe jealous,

Maybe cautious,

Maybe?

Such that we are prevented from seeing each other again…

Will we see each other again?

I long to see you again,

Every moment of every day,

The eccentric that I am,

Shall I stop eating,

Further emaciating,

For without the nourishment of love,

What am I,

But lost,

Majnun,

Madman,

For you,

Muse,

Will time, space and people keep us apart,

Shakespearean tragedy and faults,

Only to lay with each other in death,

Ashes strewn wherever our hearts agree?

 

Are you ready to experiment with your life,

And mine?

Join hands once more,

Feel that fire, undeniable,

As partners,

In life,

In love,

In molding the measured existence that transcends unified string theory

And even Stephen Hawking’s mind?

Like Marie and Pierre Curie,

Shall we spend every waking hour in the pursuit of something more,

Knowledge,

Wisdom,

Understanding,

LOVE,

As I am driven by you,

To excellence,

For you are my Nobel Prize,

You are,

My Nobel Prize,

Muse,

 

And I hope that in this obvious treatise you can see,

What awaits,

Should you decide,

To return,

Love sick idiot though I may be,

I am a lover,

You’d like to know,

Discover and be,

with.

Cast aside your fears,

Your doubts,

Cast aside your confusion,

And empower this love,

I love you,

I love you,

I love you,

And that will never change,

My Hmong Key!

For we are not ordinary people

And this,

This is no ordinary love…

SDM

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