Tag Archives: I love you

The Importance of Muse (6)

In the infinite chaos of perpetually recycled stardust,

The remnants of the big bang reveal to me secrets,

Long misunderstood,

There is an order created by the Ether,

Readily apparent to those who have vision,

Versus those who merely see,

Those who listen,

Versus those who merely hear,

For out in that dark void there exists a vibrancy,

Resonating inside the souls of poets since time immemorial,

A resplendent beauty that unlocks a passion necessary,

To adulate the treasured honour of Muse’s presence,

Your presence,

I adore you,

I love you,

Figurative and literal,

In ways you will never, could never understand,

Despite these hopeless attempts to be

Conduit for the invisible,

Muse,

Not just the royal you, so often presented,

But the perfectly imperfect package,

That stands before me at the ready,

Laying bare your soul,

That I too may do the same,

As these words require

And my literary masters demand.

As said before,

Here, time and again,

The importance of Muse can not be inconspicuous,

For she is an overstatement of all that I deign necessary,

To prevent my emotional suicide,

Loosing my gift in a series of meager attempts,

To force what is not there,

In her absence,
Your absence,
I am nothing but a fool with words,

Though when she comes,

Touching me deep with in,

Those words spill out from me,

Seductive and instructive,

More readily than I can breathe,

Effortless as her inspiration unlocks the key,

That liberates my creative flow,

Endless,

Ebb and rip,

The gravity of her presence,

The tides lead me away from my inner storm,

Toward an awaiting Nirvana,

Whereby the touch of her lips,

Is the ambrosia from which I drink,

Understanding completely the full nature of love,

One only understood by those caught in the rapture,

And endless delight,

Of that perfect phrase,

Capturing a spirit that only you can see,

Only I,

Can see,

Muse!

It so often seems,

That between those moments,

Where splendor presents itself in veiled opportunities,

That the broken shards of me,

Cut deep,

Sending me further into an abyss,

A loving idiot savant,

Where my Black Dog howls,

As I plead with the Ether,

And my Ladies of the night,

Serendipity, Destiny and Fate,

To once more grace me,

Instruct and guide me,

To that necessary ingredient,

Muse,

Which fuels these tomes,

Endless,

An expected necessity,

Cherishing what I see,

What I know,

What I am,

Words,

Wordsmith of Muse.

 

Your importance,

Is akin to a mother’s milk,

To a new born child,

A pirouette to a ballerina,

A canvas to Picasso,

And a great green light for Gatsby,

And yet tragically,

My providence,

As guided by that frenzied Ether I so adore and praise,

Finds me Daisy,

Rather than as a star cross’d lover,

And yet I persist,

I rise,

I look to the heavens,

Praising even the momentary glimpse,

Of true beauty,

Inside your soul,

Muse,

That either none have, could or can see,

But I,

Guided by nature’s call to enthused benevolence,

To touch another as they touch me,

As you touch me,

So yes, Muse,

Your importance is greater than you may ever know.
Constantly,

I find myself in a state of flux,

A perilous and hazardous precinct,

Where my greatest wish,

Becomes my greatest downfall,

Always has been,

Since as early as the Ether first blessed me,

With these heart-rending efforts,

Dancing to the elegance of these ethereal gifts,

Presented by the Ether,

In a form that could only be you,

Muse,

For even those few moments,

Where I get to bask in the sentiments,

Those I crave more than anything else,

Even if for a panicked instant,

As I contemplate the predictable disappearance,

As happens each and every time,

Just as quickly as you arrived,

The infinitely obvious precision of my life,

Abandoned,

Left with these words as evidence,

Of a true gem,

Gems,

The very real importance of Muse,

If I am to survive,

Non Omnis Moriar.

 

Muse,

You are at once my everything,

And nothing,

For I can only seize,

What the Ether permits,

And it is a fickle master,

Guiding these fingers,

As they flicker with the genius, you inspire,

To some the foundation of a delusion of grandeur,

Those that could never understand,

For at least a while,

Never quite long enough,

Making the best of it,

As I bask in the prismatic resplendence of your soul,

The radiance of your smile,

The intense secrets behind those dancing eyes,

And the subtle way that even the simple act of walking,

Can alight in me an abstract prospect,

Captured in an instant, herein,

For you,

For posterity,

For you are Muse,

And without you,

I am lost in Dante’s circles of Hell,

As Virgil laughs,

And The Lost Generation once more consoles me.

 

With an intense vanity,

I fumble like a school child,

Scribbling outside the lines,

Hoping that you might see,

That Pandora’s curiosity,

Resulted in the very box that needs to be open,

If I am to thrive,

If I am to know genuine bliss,

For that is truly what you force me to aspire,

Climbing higher and higher,

Inside a drug induced fury,

Of pheromones clashing,

Serotonin dashing,

Dopamine slashing and adrenaline rushing,

And yet,

Like Hemingway’s haunting presence in my life,

That one true sentence,

That might finally get you,

Royal or otherwise,

Muse,

To see,

To feel,

To believe,

To hold fast,

Might understand,

What even I myself can not,

Me,

If I am to thrive,

It is only Muse,

Because of you,

All I imagine,

All you are.

The importance of Muse,

Of you,

Royal and otherwise,

Creates all I am,

All I will ever be,

The dutiful secretary,

Of the Ether’s grace,

Giving me moments of significance,

That are entirely dependent,

On you,

Muse!

SDM

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Unrealized Apologies

There is nowhere to hide,

From yourself,

Myself,

For one cannot hide from their own truth,

Truths,

The perpetration of penetrating solemn condemnation,

For I have been measured,

As was our child,

Found wanting,

Laying bare,

Exposed,

A soul to shine,

Souls,

Wandering,

Filled with a lust for life,

Not just mine own,

But also of that higher calling,

The calling of all species,

Procreation,

Pro,

Creation,

Commanded by a power I can not see,

But courses through my veins,

A purpose driven emotion,

Long repressed,

Only to once more,

Come off and up,

From a moment of sheer ecstasy,

The giddy smile, of a beauty rare,

Caught in the resplendence of a soul,

Hmong Key,

That also wanders,

Nomadic, lost and free,

Confused and scared,

Just as I was,

Just as I am,

Allowing once more,

Things outside of my control,

To fell me,

Like an ear of corn,

Stalked,

Lopped off like Van Gogh’s,

Where the darkness of the night,

Reveals no stars,

Just hidden scars,

However, there can be no removal of this stain,

Upon my soul,

Upon my soul,

Strained,

Whereby again the forces at work,

Arisen from the past,

Cry out to me,

In tomes and hues,

Of a sorrow that I cannot deny,

A sorrow I will not deny,

Zion clenched from my ready fist,

Aborting,

To fight for what is right,

Yet, here I am, exposed,

Sitting here,

In abject pain,

Once caused by a tango,

Of we, two,

A beautiful night,

Nights,

Of passion raw and rare,

Glimpsing the prospect of a new portend,

The life imagined,

So many times before,

Foolish hubris of youth,

The mental anguish of the manic high,

Brought on by the words I have longed to hear,

“I’m pregnant!”

Longing temporarily answered,

One moment of paradise, found, moments,

Lost,

Words every bit,

If not more powerful,

Than,

“I love you!”

For those words,

Demand a higher calling answer,

The Ether,

My Mistresses Destiny, Serendipity, and Fate,

Dancing me ever closer,

Without consent,

Achelous’ daughters,

Calling me ever nearer to a manifest providence,

That once more sought and seeks,

To destroy me,

Figurative and literal,

While Demeter rebukes them,

And I,

And I and I,

What can I say,

What can I do,

To escape this tortured hell,

Greeted by my Black Dog,

Cerberus no longer chained,

Ready and willing to feast not just on my soul,

But that of you and our child,

Whose only crime,

Was conception,

Ironic,

The complete circles of Dante’s comedy,

Divine,

Yet cast as I am,

Into the fiery pits,

Devastated once more,

Again,

By the circumstances of fortune,

That favoured not this bold,

Warrior Poet,

For in my candor,

In my moment of sheer bliss,

I could not see,

I would not see,

That which was so obviously painted in front of me,

As it had been behind me all these years,

Hell has a permanent place in my soul,

Travelling with me every step of the way,

As the Devil, dances, gleefully,

Like Nero,

Fiddle in hand,

As my insides burn,

Invisible to you,

Realized to me,

A tortured existence,

Brought on by ill tempered passion,

Though surely, I would gladly trade,

Every breath,

Every beat of my heart,

That my child may have lived,

Our child,

For the capacity, with love tendered,

Would have rendered a cherished gift,

Treasure,

To behold,

As surely, I would have,

In addition, indeed venerate at this moment of delicious torment.

Those words,

Sweet when softly spoken,

Inside a darkened room,

Forbearing this brooding sentience,

Sentence,

Life,

Death,

As the decision made,

Not by me,

Had no other choice,

No other choice,

But to stand back and watch,

A further demise,

Like Icarus, I had flown,

Too close to the sun of my own realizations,

Be careful what you wish for,

As the hidden truths of majority rule,

Are nothing but the illusion,

Of allusion,

Creed of dissent,

My voice drowned out,

My will denied,

As a piece of me died,

Dies,

Once more,

Again,

Confronted,

By the defeat of necessity,

Necessity,

Not necessarily so,

But the weakness of temptation,

Insane,

Leads down a path more taken,

Rather than the one which makes all the difference,

Would have,

Could have,

Should have,

Priorities checked and unchecked,

Crushed,

By the iniquity of my own acquiescence,

Though nothing could be done,

Nothing.

Vacuous apologies,

Masking terribly this gloomy sorrow,

Meek,

Sorry is not the hardest thing to say,

It is the hardest thing to realize,

For even in these words,

This expression of endless grief,

I know what I have done,

What we have done,

To what I have been a party,

To what we two caused, both in love and in lust,

Deceived by youthful exuberance,

Guilty,

Blood on my hands,

My own,

Our own,

That of our child,

Desired,

Yet,

Determined resilience to a lifetime concerned,

Whereby everything in that moment changed,

I remember,

Hmong Key,

The exact expression,

That you feared would be our demise,

Instead exposing my lifelong desires,

Deftly engaged,

For months,

Until hell hath no fury,

Like cultural mores,

And the stink of corroding flesh,

The die already cast,

Our own,

I remember,

I remember,

I remember,

Now lost inside the strain and sorrow,

Of knowing,

Tomorrow,

Tomorrow and tomorrow,

Was taken not just from you or I,

But the beautiful bright eyes,

Of the life we destroyed,

Sorry just does not seem to be enough,

Not for me,

Not now,

Not here,

With the advent of a child,

Torn from my longing desires,

Now in passionate retreat,

Sorry will never be enough,

Not for me,

Not,

Ever.

SDM

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The Moon and The Sun

Containing an insatiable excitement,

Strikes me as foolhardy, an unnecessary impossibility,

As driven by my favourite ladies,

So too I hope for you they will become,

This enchantment we can share,

As we did once, we will again,

Become,

Intoxicated by ambrosia,

Mistresses Destiny, Fate and Serendipity,

Clashing together in a beautiful symphony,

Where the universe is conductor,

And we are but pieces,

Brought together,

For our assimilation of what can be,

Such that only budding feelings may bloom,

Those that began the day we met,

Our eyes, our smiles and our souls,

Who could have known, between then and now,

Directed by the goddesses of love and attraction,

Into infinity,

True love never dies.

 

These Celtic deities; Achtland, Medb, Finncaev and Aidin,

Conchenn or Oenghis,

The sexual chemistry obvious and ready to be tapped,

Not touching you one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,

Touching you, even more so,

Possibly, though as yet unproven, one of the best,

With subtle giggles and tempted expressions,

Conversations free from the unnecessary melodrama of the daily grind,

Instead of aspirations, inspirations and the things that brought us here,

Carefully considered as this odyssey presses on.

 

Those passionate Greeks reveal,

Aphrodite, Eros, Hebe and Suadela,

Thalia, Venus and Cythera,

Each singing songs unlike the Sirens, toward our yearning,

Rather like the Muses,

Reaching inside of me and commanding forth,

Words that resemble silent thoughts,

Until this time was nigh,

Words unspoken,

Quiet admirations for precious enticements, subtle,

Those soon may unmask spellbinding intentions,

Those that again show this heart can feel,

Does feel,

Fluttering as hummingbird’s wings,

Flickering like the bright of a bonfire,

My temptations.

 

Perhaps Bintang, Ezili or Havea lolo funua,

Each together as quorum decide,

This pure desire shall be rewarded still,

Beating anew the drums of sexual fervor,

Communicating still in the abyss of time,

Finding a simple shared smile,

That leads to so much more,

Ix Che, Kanikanihia, Qadesh or Tlazolteotl,

Around personal fantasy’s conference table,

Drawing decisions from distinctions of pure desires,

Raw, ripe and blossoming,

As has been true for as long as we have known,

The perfect glint in the others’ eyes,

Knowing what we could have done,

Choosing what we did not do just as much as what we did.

 

What of Sjofn, Suadela or Urunrupuin or maybe Xtabay,

Are they to be believed that these hands,

These invisible forces,

Prevented us from jumping in too soon,

Giving rise to passions that may have dulled,

Without the anticipation of something so fresh,

As to rejuvenate our minds, bodies and souls?

 

Only time will tell,

If the grand design of these goddesses was of such import,

That the result, now within reach, is undeniable,

Their fallibility unchecked as mortals we,

Come together,

Crashing into each others lives like waves,

Leaving something each time we crest,

Taking something as we depart.

 

Only time will tell,

Preciously,

The wisdom of these loving sages,

The wisdom of our decisions,

The wisdom of our love;

 

Though I suspect,

Their sagacity is beyond reproach.

I am the sun,

And you Hmong Key are the moon,

And as the Hmong tale reveals,

I like the sun,

Die every night,

So that your beauty can live on,

Every night,

Always…

I love you!

 

 

SDM

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The Rebirth of Me by Love

Contrary to mounting questions,

Fears and wonder,

I find myself awash in potential answers,

Love changes everything,

You,

Have changed,

Everything,

In all your spectacular colours,

Bathing in your spirit,

Radiant and shining,

Despite clutter and confusion,

And what others may think,

Muse,

Finding a joy that is as fleeting as time itself,

I beg what dreams may come,

Have come,

With you,

Due to

My mistresses, those guardians of my night,

Fate and Destiny, dazzling with intention,

For us,

As Lady Serendipity extends her hand,

Leading me down a path that I dare not go,

Not here, not now,

Though I must,

Though we must,

Allowing our adoration to burn brightly,

Mutually,

Salvation ascending anew,

As we know a love requited,

This, ours,

Here and now,

As words flow freely from my fingers,

Warrior Poet,

Held in the legions of lovers past,

Considering you, lover new,

Poet, artist, banker and thief,

Those lovers recognize the spiritual awakening of desire,

And I am awakened,

As too are you,

Summons delivered me by a lone dove

From Father Time and Mother Nature,

To be a mother in your nature,

To be a father with you in time,

Demanding submission to the purposed entreaty of your voice,

Sloughing off the faults of the past,

Determined to the beautiful present,

And envisioning a future with you,

A changed man,

A determined man,

Twenty five years changed in an instant,

Because of the powerful suggestion of your smile,

The all enveloping blanket of your passion,

Leading me to me,

Opening my eyes, where once there was nothing,

But darkness,

To become,

New realities,

Aided by the approaching summit of opportunity,

Regardless of challenges,

Regardless of obstacles,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One day not close enough,

But I will submit,

I will sacrifice,

I will stand proud and true,

On the sidelines of a temporary repose,

Though for now,

My mistresses and lady, nature and time assure me,

The time is right,

It is time for our loves advance,

The purpose is clear,

It is time for our loves advance

On cherished risk,

Risks,

Our love will rise,

I will submit,

Knowing the reward is one we both deserve,

I will submit,

So as I sit here,

Lowly fool,

Humbled by what you reveal to me,

Insolent imbecile in emotional undress,

It has to be clear,

Who I am and who I need to be,

You have to see,

And I know you will,

As I,

Though the pieces not yet in place,

Check no mate,

Not yet,

The end result,

Obvious,

Feels like past battles lost,

Are to become present won,

Future won,

As my entire life has flipped right side up,

And it is you,

My angelic Hmong Key,

Only you,

Memories of distant failures perceived,

The dark days are now bright,

As scarcely now, can I believe, my greatest fortune,

Risen of my greatest misfortune,

Clergy of my own tragedy,

High priest and priestess we,

You have touched me,

Touched my soul,

Rewired my thoughts,

Only you,

Will do,

Only you,

Distant echoes, becoming less so,

As we consider,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One more day nearer,

To you,

And a new blessed embrace,

Reborn,

Renewed,

Reinvigorated for and with you;

Love changes everything,

Up to and including me;

I love you Hmong Key!

SDM

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Manic Depression (Crash Again)

You’ve got your ball

you’ve got your chain

tied to me tight tie me up again

who’s got their claws
in you my friend
Into your heart I’ll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
and sweet you roll
Lost for you I’m so lost for you

You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream”

I hate myself… for loving you.

I love myself…for hating you,

No… no… no…

That can’t be right,

Though these feelings are so intense,

Blossoming with every passing moment,

That it feels as if I am being run over by a bus,

Repeatedly,

By you,

So no,

I don’t hate myself for loving you,

I hate myself for hating you,

when in reality things just fall apart,

just like I have,

just like I did because of the decisions we had to make,

perilous and spirit shaking,

Yet,

I love that with you I knew a home,

A real home,

Such that I have never known,

I love myself for loving you,

Better as I am,

As a man,

For having known every part of you,

And there is so much more I would love to discover,

Will you let me

As I am discovering every part of me,

You always remind me,

That I had to find that place,

(that now seems I have discovered anew),

where I had true inner peace,

engaging my Buddha,

detachment from everything and nothing,

look and I am there,

searching for you,

high and low,

doing everything,

EVERYTHING I CAN,

To get you to see,

these are the thoughts of a ravaged mind,

ravaged by love,

ravaged by you,

I want to be ravaged by you,

And I know I will again,

Won’t I?

I think of you at least fifty nine minutes of every hour,

One minute I am left consumed,

Sorting out the parts of I and I and I,

That seem damned to lovers limbo,

At least for now,

But today’s present,

And all the days between now and then,

Is that you will always be comfortable knowing,

That I care for you,

Deeply,

That I love you,

Truly,

I love myself for loving you,

For the provenance of my souls advance,

Lay neatly,

Undiscovered in your hands,

For the past is the past,

People can and do change if the circumstance is right,

Soon to be unearthed in your thoughts,

In your hands,

Precious though they may be that ripped my heart right from my chest,

Did you look at it while it was still,

Beating,

No… no… no…

That is not right,

You see, this is what manic depression does,

Do you understand?
Do you care to?

Just as you have shown me the way,
I too will be your guiding light…

And yet,

Truly you reveal in me a gentleness,

A greatness,

That I have never known,

One that I now embrace,

Fully and completely,

Transforming into a better man as

You touched my life with cupid’s fingertips,

Guided by my ladies Destiny, Serendipity and Fate,

And now I am left in a contrast and comparison,

Of the days we shared,

The memories we made,

The life we knew,

The love we knew,

The love we still know,

Yes… Yes… Yes..

That is right,

It has to be,

For you are a heavenly present,

My divine Angel,

Muse,

Hmong Key,

Which is why,

As I battle myself for supremacy of self,

Becoming more each day,

I know…

I believe…

I long…

I love… You, I love,

So,

I wonder…

Was it all a dream?

And if so, can we dream again,

Love reborn,

By compassion, understanding, persistence and honesty,

I love you

And I know

You love me too.

I love you Hmong Key!

SDM

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I Choose YOU

 

Above all else,

Hmong Key,

Let it ring from the mountains,

To every valley and every shore,

Above all else,

I chose love,

I choose you,

I choose to pledge my life,

To you,

To us,

Not because it is easy,

But the exact opposite,

Requiring,

Daily growing and improving,

Sloughing off that which prevents our happiness,

Guided ever more by you,

Muse,

Above all else,

I choose you,

For though these words profess,

My actions speak true,

There is nothing,

No boundary,

Nothing I won’t do,

To spend this life with you.

Above all else,

Hmong Key,

Let it be known,

That you have shown me,

Some error of my ways,

Finally,

Fallen not on deaf ears,

But on a ready, willing and able soul,

There is nothing I won’t do,

For it is you,

Above all else,

I choose love,

I choose you,

Nothing else will do,

Nothing else will do,

For you are the light,

Leading me to a brighter future,

Away from a darkened past,

Away from shadows,

Into the light,

Your light,

I choose love,

I choose you.

Above all else,

Hmong Key,

I choose to spend my life with you,

With this love that so clearly is real,

More than I imagined,

More than I could see,

Though now,

Blinders off,

I realize that I must surrender,

I must give in,

Submit all of me to all of you,

For above all else,

Hmong Key,

There is you and only you,

I chose love,

To be the change I want to see in the world,

To forever embrace your sweet caress,

Rather than unnecessary distractions,

And I am no longer distracted,

By fool hardy notions of what can and can not be,

Only what is,

What I am,

What you are,

What we are

And what this love will become,

Above all else,

I choose love,

I choose love,

I choose you,

As you chose me,

I love you.

Above all else,

Muse,

Hmong Key,

There is nothing more important to me than you,

Your happiness,

Your earthly and spiritual desires,

And though these words alight my actions,

It is my actions that will display,

The frankness of this submission,

To you,

To us,

For what else is life,

But the pursuit of more,

And you are all the more I need,

Evermore,

I choose you,

I choose you,

The alpha and the omega of my everything,

For you are my everything,

Aren’t you,

This love,

The most important,

Relentless in my pursuit,

You will see,

That there is nothing above you,

Everything,

I submit to you,

On this table,

In these words,

In my deeds,

With my heart, spirit, body and soul.,

All that I have to give,

I give,

To you,

For you,

That you may know,

Deep within your wounded heart,

And my own,

That this passion restless,

Will not subside,

For there is nothing else above you,

Nor will there ever be again,

As time will let you see,

That there is only you,

Only you,

Hmong Key…

I love you!

SDM

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A Better Man

Muse,

Here we are,

Feeling as if I am again at the crossroads,

An idiot,

Seeking to understand all that you are,

Finding it at once difficult and wondrous,

Discovering who you are as a person,

As a sister, daughter, and aunt,

Wishing to fully comprehend where you came from,

Ancestrally,

Your traditions, customs and cultural norms,

Yet I feel,

I am doing abysmally,

As if for every step forward,

I make two steps back,

Having not the freedom to be what we want,

Nor the most ideal of situations,

True love will find a way,

For as Shakespeare wrote;

‘The course of true love never did run smooth,”

I find myself longing for a soul capitulation,

I will yield to you and for you,

Becoming a better man,

At the barricades of what can and must be,

Liberated by you,

Muse,

My only desire to quench your thirst,

For a love so rare,

One told by lovers, sages, oracles and poets,

Since the very dawn of time,

Seeking compromise in who I have been,

To make way for whom I am,

And who I must become,

A better man,

For you,

A better man,

For our families,

A better man,

For us,

Lovers united by destiny,

The Gods or Fate,

Served to each other,

In the moment our eyes first met,

The promise of a lifetime of bliss,

As well as the necessary shake ups and sorrows,

In order to fulfill the promise,

Of a better tomorrow,

Sworn to you,

On this day,

And every day before,

And all of those to come,

My love,

Muse,

A better man indeed,

As I refuse to allow my bad habits,

To lead me astray,

From you,

I am sorry, for all we’ve been through,

The hardships that have tested us,

Muse,

I will fight myself,

Feed the flame within so I will not be without,

I surrender to

You,

My wholesome yearning,

A better man,

Whom I know to be filled with charm and light,

Chosen,

Shining on me with your smile,

Your eyes dancing like stars in the sky,

And I the destitute writer,

This king ascending,

Wishing to make for you a kingdom,

With little princes and princesses abounding,

Sounding the clarion call,

Of love’s delicious bite,

And you have bitten me,

Smitten,

As only Muse can allow,

Hmong Key,

I long for every moment you will bless me,

Testing the challenges we face,

To grow into each other’s divine right,

I will fight,

Muse,

To be that better man,

Seeking from you the chance to show you,

The world you mean to me,

I love you,

In addition, I seek to understand more plain,

All of you,

To understand more,

All of me,

Muse,

Hmong Key,

Today,

Let’s start fresh,

Our journey into forever,

Once more reminded of,

The plans we can never grasp,

But instead, unconditionally surrender,

To the life we both intend.

I love you!

SDM

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