Tag Archives: Lover

Careless? (My Heart and Soul Believe Differently)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZrFS9NmX8Y

You speak of love,
I heard you,
But they are just words,
Aren’t they,
Weren’t they,
Are they
For what do you know,
(as I continue to learn more each day)
As I now wonder,
What you meant when you said you loved me,
For surely love would not do what you have done,
Love could not, would not,
Be so callous,
So unforgiving,
So uncompromising,
How could my lover,
After promising me the world,
And forever,
An unexpected child and more,
A child I have always craved,
You allowed me to float,
Soaring above the world,
The universe in your eyes,
Understanding the full context of history,
For more than a month,
Assuring me,
That what we had was real,
That it would last,
And in less than a year,
The daddy you now called me,
Words that made my soul tremble,
Would soon be the daddy,
That a child already loved would call me,
Raised toward the light;

Chosen;
Changing me,
For the better,
To be everything that I could be,
Everything that I am,
And will become,
Due to love enjoyed,
To enrich our child,
Uplift and inspire it,
Teach it well the world in which it is born,
And to aspire to the world that it could be,
You speak of love,
Yet leave me torn and broken,
Wishes of a future torn asunder,
Confused, it would seem,
Without a trace,
Of the love with which you spoke,
Claimed to have for me,
Professed as simply as any other statement,
But the sentiment it seems,
Is lost on you,
And is now lost on me,
Confused though you may be,
Love finds a way,
For surely,
This tragic loss,
Has wounded me in every way imaginable,
A pain that will endure,
Just as it had before,
Years before tragedy reborn,
And it is as if you don’t care,
Won’t care,
Can’t care,
But that is not love,
Do you love me,
I think you do,
I think your misperception has made it easier for you,
Letting go,
Giving in,
Giving up,
Without so much as an explanation,
And cowardly avoidance too boot,
But you are not a coward,
Apparently,
Awash in the cultural differences,
Between what I thought was true,
And what has quite simply revealed itself,
As the bogus words,
Of a confused and not so innocent little girl,
Whom I still love,
And always will,
Are you scared,
Of love,
Of us,
Of the challenges we must face?

Given the chance,
I know you would see,
Beyond the thin veneer,
Realizing just how sensitive I am,
Since a young boy,
Filled with hope and empathy,
Finding out how much I would give,
Could give,
For you,
For our love,
For our child,
And the future we could share,
Given the chance,
You would see how much I’ve changed,
With room always left to grow,
Given the chance,
You would discover,
That my words and actions combine,
Into a force more powerful than any known before,
You would see my tears,
And not mock them,
With feigned love,
Love,
Manifest,
Daily for you,
Given the chance,
You would see…

Can you?
Will you?
For that is what love would do,
And in my heart of hearts,
I do believe,
I shall believe that you did and do love me,
Don’t you?

And I,
I will always love you,
My Hmong Key,
And I am ready, willing and able,
To stand to any challenge,
Ravage the test of time,
To show you,
To show the world,
What real love would do,
Given the chance…

My love is true,
For you,
For now
And everlasting,
I will always be here,
For you.

Can you decide,
To be a lover,
To refuse to be so careless with another heart and soul,
Lifelong desires,
Are you strong enough,
To give us,
One more try,
Lover?

SDM

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Punch Drunk

May I, will you allow, these words,
To enter your mind in one simple action,
Directing your thought away from the negative,
To embrace the incredibly positive,
May I?
May I love you as Astaire’s Body loved Music?
Picasso’s hand loved art? Shakespeare words and Galileo the sky?
May I,
Will you see that this love reaches into the depths of the soul,
Opening the window on an emotion,
This time, our time, unconditional;
May I love you as a baker bread, a teacher teaching, a doctor healing and assuredly a writer writing?
May I entreat you love lover,
To read these words,
Trying to express what God (He/She/It/They) so often have shown us right,
This night,
Despite the ominous tone in the air,
May I love you,
Fully.

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Sender UpWords

Perhaps a pithy surrender is in order,
Perhaps,
As clearly you have already forged your away across my line,
Defenseless as I consider your advance,
So I redraw in my psyche,
To prevent my own demise,
For the first time in my life doing exactly what I must do,
Fighting through the discomfort,
Fighting through the pain,
My dogged visitor,
Black as the night,
Barking and howling at the moon,
That Black Dog fights me for my own survival,
Not realizing that shall I falter,
Will mean it’s own demise,
So yes,
Perhaps a pithy surrender,
Is exactly what this tender soul requires,
Perhaps a pithy surrender,
Is the Gods cry,
That I must go on,
That this is the dawn of a new day,
Filled with opportunity and hope,
While the promise of tomorrow,
Is still the battle that I wage,
Somewhere between my rhythmic beat,
Of my murmuring heart,
And the swollen charge,
Of my minds delight,
Perhaps this swelling assault,
Is fates courteous response,
To the light that shines inside of me,
The light that was almost extinguished,
By ripe cancellation,
All that I believed,
Revealed to be a years long falsehood,
A convenience,
Though now it seems,
That I am rushing forward,
Trying to reclaim that light in me,
That so obviously presents itself here,
My history unkind,
With this troubled mind,
Precious,
As I feel the divine flowing through me,
The ether,
Calling out for me to live up to that promise,
Not tomorrow,
But today,
If mankind could only understand the value of the present,
Leaving the past behind,
And the future to what is done this day,
As I sit here blushing,
Considering the macro and the micro,
My own quantum,
Thinking about what you’ve said,
Knowing what you haven’t
Oddly comfortable with the temptations,
That you inspire,
To which I aspire,
Nothing more,
Than the honesty of my soul,
The freedom to be who I have to be,
For I have no choice,
The ether commands,
Now,
So that the future is exactly what has been done today,
As every day,
Words,
Words,
And more words,
The key that removes the handcuffs,
Of this over analyzing mind,
Discovering anew,
What I require,
To be copacetic,
By my own hand,
By my own desire,
Determined to be what I am and nothing more,
And by my own design,
Writer, lover, and a better man,
Sender,
Upwords!

SDM

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Lady; In Waiting?

The cosmic present having travelled the expanse of our universe,
Eight minutes,
Could not break through,
It tried,
The suns rays, held at bay,
Through the arrogance of our designs,
Pitiful fools,
Transforming landscapes to meet our needs,
In violation of the laws of nature,
Without consideration to anything other than our desires,
Spiteful offenses to the obvious balance of the universe,
Though strictly within the purview of the laws of man,
Recognizing the bone chilling iniquity of our ways,
Though soft and nearly imperceptible I heard her intoxicating tears,
A sobbing I understood, understand, far too well,
She was calling out for relief,
She was calling out for freedom,
She was calling out for life,
The dank and dark station,
Magnified by its emptiness,
Trains long ago stopped running,
The familiar hum and whistle of a century of progress,
Darkened and silenced by our haughty insolence,
From where I stood, I could see,
My soul momentarily uplifted as there she sit,
Finally clipped the strings of her masters,
No bank account, no phone, no place to call home,
As she could no longer live inside the bubble or fabricated comfort,
He deafening screams no longer a daily pursuit,
As deaf ears surrounded her,
And us,
Fools that we are.

Sitting prone, upon the rusted rails,
Those that had long since gone unused,
Her calculation one of symbolic representations,
A prism through which she realized her own destiny,
Her fears were palpable,
Introduced by inaction,
An immobility that only reveals itself,
When one, such as she,
Has reached beyond the violent conformity,
The gross inadequacy of just being one of the crowd,
The same that threatens you and I,
Immobilized by the acknowledgement of our arrogance,
The monstrous daily accord whereby we choose to ignore,
The plain truth, readily apparent, viciously true,
But not for her, nor for I, bearing witness to the lies we’ve told,
In that moment, realized, a kinship,
She as sister, daughter or mother, abstract,

Lover in waiting?

I as brother, son and father,

Lover in waiting?

As I approached her, the tears grew louder,
Perhaps sensing she was no longer alone, as she still sit prone,
Each of us, keenly aware of our role in our transformation,
From minor transgressions in lands far away,
Now brought home to cheat us all,
Further demand our acquiescence to the tyrant of the invisible hand,
But not her,
Nor I,
As I will take her pain and make it my own,
I will feast on her soul, endearing it mine,
Such that she may be free, truly free,
To arise, as phoenix,
From the ashes of her own submission,
To the grandest passion of her ascent as universal master,
Her own,
That I might be the final step,
In her awakening, an enlightenment that begins with personal freedom,
In exploring wants and desires,
Those do not require her submission to the slave mentality,
That shackles us all,
As I approached her, curious and wondering,
Without warning or provocation the tears stopped,
She lifted her head, turned it to face me,
Where I could see the raw beauty of her intention,
Liberated by the simple words that she could barely speak,
“Help me.”

“Help me!”

SDM

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Tuatha Dé Danann

New meanings developed,
For both Irish brogue and brood,
Just a stranger to myself,
Seizing on these moments to discover anew,
What and who I am,
A common theme of my mental dislodging,
As I crave the attention of love,
For what and who I am,
Is an extension of that attention,
My affection for love,
Whispered to me across a vast divide,
Interwoven with the fabric of time,
For I am as timeless as the earth itself,
My energies,
Split,
Like my mind,
My energies constantly dividing,
Into a half life of birth,
Death and rebirth,
Sent back to remind the struggling lost,
That love can and will be the answer,
Can I really live without you?

New meanings developed,
For this Irish lad,
Who once again finds himself fraught,
By visitors of disassociation,
Out of the penned chaos of my own harassment,
I and I long,
An insufferable longing,
As timeless as the earth itself,
My little devils,
Slivers in my consciousness,
Make it harder each day,
For me to relate to this emptiness,
In any way that I may stand correct,
For surely,
I am not correct,
As Nuada was killed by Balor,
So too was Balor corrected by Lugh,
Shall a Celtic God or Devil,
Right me where I stand,
So that I might be reborn,
Lover, indeed, word and smile,
Ewan.

SDM

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Love’s Song

 
Love’s song,
That beautiful melody,
Of uncharted yet explored inventions,
Mysterious and complex whimsy,
Heard the world round,
Two by two,
Souls unexplained affections,
Those that outstrip reason,
None required,
When two eyes clash wondrously,
Sometimes from across a room,
Other times across a table on a first date,
And still others people that a lifetime have been known,
But not KNOWN,
To each other,
Then a deep enthralling kiss,
One that changes lives forever,
True expression of Cupid’s design,
So powerful and unrelenting,
(not to mention divinely impressive)
It recalls love’s first entrancing moment,
Youthful exuberance,
Blind, not yet aware,
Of the complexities of such splendor,
The electrical charge,
Informing of nature’s role,
When two lips, tongues and bodies collide,
Demanding inelegantly of them,
All that they are,
Good, bad or indifferent,
Opening up oneself,
Freely and without compromise,
Such that usual distortions,
The masks worn by all,
Fall to the wayside,
Scolded by emotion,
Reason leaves,
Allowing chemical actions and reactions,
Between two otherwise uninterested bodies,
Those now share a universal truth,
While interlocked in sweet surrender,
Lounging inside each others insecurity,
Discovering what it means to be truly alive,
To be who and what they are,
Letting loose the howling winds of insecurity,
While in another’s arms,
Feeling the absolute safety of truth,
Honour, trust, hope and the possibility,
For a lifetime,
Of shared illusion,
Captured perfectly,
In the glint of that lovers eyes,
When love’s song,
Is played within.
 
SDM

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