Tag Archives: spirit

Humbled (And Smitten)

Finally,

After all this time,

All this loss,

Peril, now seemingly, for the moment,

The wind in my sails,

Behind me,

Pushing me forward,

Coming into my own,

Finding again that infectious laugh,

And all I had to do – was give in,

Which is not remotely the same as giving up…

 

By giving in I discovered,

That the parts of me that are broken,

I and I and I,

Are merely callings to reassemble?

 

I and I and I…

 

The jigsaw of my reality,

For a quarter century or more,

Giving in,

I found,

Who my real friends are,

Cherished,

The ones that stood by me,

And continue to stand by me,

When I am down,

Feeding me with endless nourishment,

Of wisdom, enthusiasm, a gentle caress,

Of your many spirits,

Dancing like a kite,

Free to fly,

To explore,

Roaming together in the uncertainty,

For life has no instruction manual,

And arriving,

At what was always there,

Just deep inside…

 

Hiding behind shadows lurking,

Longing for a home to call my own,

Not the building,

But a true home, internal,

Safe,

Free from the outside world,

From my own skeletons,

Demons and Black Dog…

 

Finally,

Letting go,

Surrendering,

I have discovered,

That the parts of I and I and I,

Those for so long been counted as unconquerable,

Were merely signposts on the journey of life?

The I that desires to serve,

The I that desires to love,

The I that desires to be loved,

For I and I and I,

Find my totality there…

 

And this life is a journey,

Each day a new step towards the new,

N E X T,

Beauty at every step,

Even in the greatest darkness,

That at one time either too blind or too ignorant,

I could not or would not,

Engage,

NO more,

Not here, nor now…

 

Today I stand up,

I will be heard,

I will be counted,

I will seek and find without looking for it,

My greatest treasure,

I will celebrate the totality of who I am,

And in so doing,

Gain insight into what it means to truly live,

And my friends,

My real friends,

Stand by my side,

At the ready,

To, if necessary, again,

Pick me up,

Deliver me the tools for my own reassembling,

And I am humbled by it,

For as tears of joy,

Stream down my face,

Calling out to the Ether,

I know, that I am close,

And I can feel,

These emotions raw,

The immersion of the new,

Tempered by the wisdom of holding fast and true,

Waiting,

That I may use them,

To propel me forward,

To the place we all know I should be,

Humbled,

Grateful,

And aware,

I celebrate each of you,

You know who you are,

For causing me to realize,

That my passage had to include this moment,

All of them,

Desperate,

To reignite that passion that burns so brightly inside of me,

One that now awakens like a sleeping giant,

Though still contained, for the moment on B612…

 

My only hope,

Is that I too,

May repay your generosity of spirit,

By being who I am,

And returning to you,

The same generosity,

When you are at your lowest – or whenever you require,

Help you discover that you are a diamond in the rough,

Not a rough diamond,

An innate beauty that glimmers within you,

Your eyes shining,

Your smile gleaming,

Your soul teaming with the life you desire,

I hope,

I can help you see,

What so many have helped me to see.

 

I stand before you anew,

Understanding how far I’ve come,

And how far I still must go,

But I draw strength from you,

The royal you,

Demonstrated here,

With humble thanks,

These words are all I can give,

And all my heart, mind, body and soul,

For all of you have given me permission,

To soar,

And again I will thrive.

 

SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Rebirth of Me by Love

Contrary to mounting questions,

Fears and wonder,

I find myself awash in potential answers,

Love changes everything,

You,

Have changed,

Everything,

In all your spectacular colours,

Bathing in your spirit,

Radiant and shining,

Despite clutter and confusion,

And what others may think,

Muse,

Finding a joy that is as fleeting as time itself,

I beg what dreams may come,

Have come,

With you,

Due to

My mistresses, those guardians of my night,

Fate and Destiny, dazzling with intention,

For us,

As Lady Serendipity extends her hand,

Leading me down a path that I dare not go,

Not here, not now,

Though I must,

Though we must,

Allowing our adoration to burn brightly,

Mutually,

Salvation ascending anew,

As we know a love requited,

This, ours,

Here and now,

As words flow freely from my fingers,

Warrior Poet,

Held in the legions of lovers past,

Considering you, lover new,

Poet, artist, banker and thief,

Those lovers recognize the spiritual awakening of desire,

And I am awakened,

As too are you,

Summons delivered me by a lone dove

From Father Time and Mother Nature,

To be a mother in your nature,

To be a father with you in time,

Demanding submission to the purposed entreaty of your voice,

Sloughing off the faults of the past,

Determined to the beautiful present,

And envisioning a future with you,

A changed man,

A determined man,

Twenty five years changed in an instant,

Because of the powerful suggestion of your smile,

The all enveloping blanket of your passion,

Leading me to me,

Opening my eyes, where once there was nothing,

But darkness,

To become,

New realities,

Aided by the approaching summit of opportunity,

Regardless of challenges,

Regardless of obstacles,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One day not close enough,

But I will submit,

I will sacrifice,

I will stand proud and true,

On the sidelines of a temporary repose,

Though for now,

My mistresses and lady, nature and time assure me,

The time is right,

It is time for our loves advance,

The purpose is clear,

It is time for our loves advance

On cherished risk,

Risks,

Our love will rise,

I will submit,

Knowing the reward is one we both deserve,

I will submit,

So as I sit here,

Lowly fool,

Humbled by what you reveal to me,

Insolent imbecile in emotional undress,

It has to be clear,

Who I am and who I need to be,

You have to see,

And I know you will,

As I,

Though the pieces not yet in place,

Check no mate,

Not yet,

The end result,

Obvious,

Feels like past battles lost,

Are to become present won,

Future won,

As my entire life has flipped right side up,

And it is you,

My angelic Hmong Key,

Only you,

Memories of distant failures perceived,

The dark days are now bright,

As scarcely now, can I believe, my greatest fortune,

Risen of my greatest misfortune,

Clergy of my own tragedy,

High priest and priestess we,

You have touched me,

Touched my soul,

Rewired my thoughts,

Only you,

Will do,

Only you,

Distant echoes, becoming less so,

As we consider,

One day closer,

One day closer,

One more day nearer,

To you,

And a new blessed embrace,

Reborn,

Renewed,

Reinvigorated for and with you;

Love changes everything,

Up to and including me;

I love you Hmong Key!

SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day
 
Lovers lost the world over,
Be still your heart,
Calm your frayed nerves,
And excite the possibility of hope,
The tantalizing opportunity that sure will arise,
For without such hope all is lost,
So please look within and tap that great strength,
That has brought you to here,
Kept you going,
In the absence of that special smile,
A tender kiss or a telling hug,
Know that this life is long,
That as the days go by,
Someone, somewhere and sometime,
Is going to enter your life,
Turning upside down and backside up again,
Everything you once thought you knew,
Flies out the window,
On butterfly wings that start in your stomach,
The fevered pitch of emotional grandeur,
When love first excited your every fiber,
It is out there,
The time is not yet nigh,
Though, without a doubt, you will know,
It will smack of ill reason and faulty logic,
Be still your heart,
Discover the love that you have for yourself,
Embrace it, cultivate it and allow your spirit to shine,
For when love approaches, you must be ready,
That you may share that intrinsic beauty with another,
Whose feelings,
Will be just as ripe as your own,
Seen in that telltale look,
That will melt away all troubled feelings of past transgressions,
Love is not a spectator sport,
Requiring your continued effort,
As your soul ascends to the heavens,
Dancing with a pleasure you’ll adore,
So sit back, don’t look for it and know,
Your desires soon will allow you to soar,
As lovers always do,
And seeing your face,
I know,
As all I can whisper,
Is,
STAY!

And shine with me!
 
SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Drink Me – A Birthday Toast!

I drank myself to nap last night,
The brown that so holds me in repose,
Scotch,
Bloody scotch,
Medicine,
Wishing that I could drink myself into oblivion,
Into another dimension,
Into another body,
That I may be free from this tyrannical mind,
Infinitely lost,
As my prodigious depression once again,
Sets sights on my spirits,
Triggering a down pouring of neurons that force me to suffer,
My diminished capacity,
To assuage the darkening cloud,
That heralds the arrival of my toxic repressions,
Leading me down the garden path,
So far from joy and delight,
Blinded to it,
Blind and struggling,
Awakening from the temporary relief,
My internal mendacity,
Wreaking havoc on my words,
These words,
That escaped me as I reached for another Don Draper,
A cup of ice,
A lifetime of booze filled remorse,
As if the benign neglect with which I find my soul,
At the bottom of that cup,
Is somehow the truth,
Is this my truth,
My lot,
My destiny,
One from which I cannot run,
I cannot hide?
And now I wonder whether I can survive,
As I fall deeper and deeper into a despair reserved,
For the considered thoughts of intelligent men,
Feeling as if I am less than I am,
Believing that my lot,
Is one deserved,
One that stays with me,
In reserved emotions,
Those tickle the beast within,
My Black Dog,
My seething rage,
My Irish brogue,
With ancestors passed,
Who too found no solace,
At the bottom of a bottle,
I drank myself to nap last night,
Waking even more disturbed than I was before,
Thoughts, feelings, emotions and desires,
Caught in the woven web of personal deceit,
That I cannot face,
For in these moods,
These sinking moods,
Leading down the rabbit hole,
Finding vials with a little note,
DRINK ME,
I no longer want to feel the suppressed enchantment,
Of this rabid dog,
That holds me tight,
As if I shall be leashed,
Inside the worry of my own discontent,
It is not getting better,
I feel,
Oh God how I feel,
I feel, the raging current of these excited tides,
I hurt,
I toil,
I retreat into strife,
Realizing that this is no life,
Not one worth living,
Save for these,
Little morsels of depressions truth,
The hold,
So strong,
That I feel,
I hurt,
I toil,
I fall,
I feign,
I reign as King of Sorrow,
Inside a mind struggling,
To survive,
And YET,
Another year passes and I find,
Myself,
At peace,
Finally,
With me!

Scotch, or no!

I made it!

SDM

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized