Tag Archives: wisdom

Her Laughter; My Master

I exist inside a plain of doppelganger, doppelgangers,

That those in my inner circle can see,

But she, she moves me,
With a kindness only a mother can understand,

She touches my darkness with light,

Illuminating the invisible,

Decimating the appetite for destruction,

With a deft touch,

As gentle as a morning wind sweeping the sea,

Yet as vicious as a strengthening storm,

A dichotomy that seems oxy moron,

Yet is the stable prerequisite of love’s necessary refrain,

I am here,

I am here,

For you,

With you,

Of you,

Her laughter,

With pursed lips and widening eyes,

Like a siren and a muse,

Reaches deep within the void of my gloom,

Tickling with subtle insinuation, beyond words,

Beyond intent,

The clenched paw of Cerberus,

My nonpareil Black Dog and constant companion,

Around the chains of my chemical tempest,

Breaking them, confounding him, indeed them,

Her laughter,

With piercing resolve to lighten my load,

In the absence of mitigating words,

Her face twists and turns stunningly,

And a primal surge wells within,

Released to an awaiting beast, beasts,

My vicious inward aspersions cast,

While my imaginary friends call for impossible results,

A permanent darkness,

Replaced by,

Her laughter,

Like the sweet scent of lavender in Provence,

Or dew kissed roses in spring,

Demanding rapt imagination,

Eyes closed,

She transports me from the personal hell,

To a pivotal heaven,

Each ethereal laugh like the pluck of a minstrel’s string,

Or Nina’s voice,

Tugging through the fog of my decay,

Planting seeds that sow a temporary reprieve,

A kindness known so rarely in occasion,

Expressing the ultimate shift of a soul in flux,

A soft hammer when Father Time demands,

Stillness when Mistress Fate decides,

A grandiose calmness that unwinds the havoc,

And wreaks hope on this heavy heart, downtrodden,

Uplifted by the sweet caress of language beyond words,

Meaning beyond understanding,

Wisdom beyond years,

For in the kindness of this mother’s laugh,

Rests something more powerful than all the armies,

Standing and past,

Lives something more encompassing,

Than misfiring neurons and atomic practical jokes,

Her laugher unleashes a storm of optimism,

Tangible,

Within reach,

That if I can abide this one moment more,

Just one more moment,

Internal clouds will fade,

Sirens will subside,

Resplendent Muse emerging,

And in that moment, grace descended,

I am free from I and I,

From torment,

From words,

From language,

Yet filled with unseen troughs of majestic communiqué,

Liberated,

She knows,

Her laughter,

The penultimate gift to me,

The reminder of a life worth living,

Faith restored,

Where once again words have meaning,

But not one,

More than the prehistoric surge,

Of her liberating laughter.

SDM

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The Importance of Muse (5)

 

 

 

Every time you arrive,

My neurons blaze at the speed of thought,

Pining to believe that this time,

Here and now,

May be the flash,

Brilliant,

For which my whole life has been lived,

Since that awe-inspiring conception,

When universal matter pooled,

Forming galaxies, stars, planets and we,

We two,

Muse and Writer, Warrior Poet, clashing zealously,

Inspiring and inspired,

As these words flow,

For without you the days are long,

The nights are even longer,

Despondent as I reach out,

Astral projection of my deepest pleas,

Calling out to the Ether,

Begging of my Ladies,

The Sages that alight my path to you,

Fate has brought you once,

Destiny once more,

Serendipity once

And now I marvel,

Are sirens once more upon me?

Or in exponential wisdom,

In multiple dimensions,

Have I finally been led to the place I need to be?

To shine,

To become,

To find,

All I once was,

Billions of years ago,

Cosmic dust,

Collected,

Coalesced,

I and I and I now refuse,

To let go of that dream,

To find the eternal love,

That has vexed me all the days of my days,

Love unyielding and requited that will deliver unto me,

The purpose and implication of my travels,

Voyaging to you,

Here and now,

Muse.

Muse,

As I fall deeper into my intimate wishes,

I watch as your eyes shimmer,

With thoughts secret, residual,

While concentric circles continue to expand,

Our experience,

Our consciousness,

Our extremely hidden and repressed aspirations,

For as woman and man,

We have built our walls,

From past rejections and exceptions,

Judiciously crafted to protect us, not from ourselves,

But from those who seek to deflower our chaste intent,

Having been corrupted,

You and I,

Muse,

We seek redemption and redress,

We seek temptation, gingerly,

Less like Eve,

More like a painter with a blank canvas,

Or a writer a blank page,

Ours to create,

This dream,

Every aspect, thought and every belief,

Lived vividly in each moment,

N O W,

We must release the past,

Both, we,

Unleash ourselves from that which we can not change,

Set us free from our wounds, plentiful,

So that N O W,

Can become an untold then,

Muse,

Can you,

Will you believe?

 

 

Muse,
Once more from on high,

From another time, far far away,

The Ether intoxicates and entices me,

Drunk on an abstract,

Drawn in vivid hues of reality,

Together where do these words lead,

Where shall we go,

Hand in hand,

Rapt attention in each others gaze,

To an awaiting horizon,

Of which we are yet to conceive,

Could not consider,

That is, until, here,

And N O W,

Those blessed moments,

Time standing still,

When together,

Entwined,

Our bodies crave that which we can not grasp,

We can not see,

Nor hear, taste or smell,

Our uncontrolled reactions,

Complex mathematical and scientific veracities,

From chemicals,

Allowing us to feel that which we can not know,

Feel Muse,

With me,

These veracities,

Finally proofing the evasive equation that has haunted me,

Taunted me,

Twisted and torn me,

Yet,

Every time I am enhanced by your arrival,

Presents presented presently,

Temporarily though it may be,

For the N O W,

Here you are,

As the words contend,

Muse,

Will you understand,

Can you,

Muse?

 

Muse,

Time and again,

On this universal plane,

I have braced for impacts,

Long foretold,

Crashing into an awaiting hell,

Where my depression takes over,

A completely different set of chemicals clashing,

Where abandonment sends me into the nearest distraction,

Longing to rid myself of that desperate bitches howl,

Black Dog screaming,

Where even Hemingway will not drink it away with me,

Can not,

Although we try,

Don’t we Ernest?

Muse,
For here you are once more,

As I ponder the past

And posit the future,

Though living in every moment,

N O W,

Adored ambitions,

When in your grip, mental and physical,

There is nothing but you,

The world around me evaporates,

Nothing exists,

Save us,

Where while apart I allow myself the persuasion,

That maybe, just maybe,

This time,

The Ether,

In its infinite expansion and wisdom,

To the left,

May have got it right,

This right,

Now,

Muse!
Muse,

My soul tickled,

My wandering mind,

Deliberates on possibilities of possibilities,

As the special theory of relativity seems obvious,

Considering that time apart seems like eons,

Where together it feels as if mere nanoseconds,

Yet still I abide,

Grateful,

For each instant I am by your side,

Feeling the intense elation,

Of the dance that two souls meeting and greeting have done,

Since time itself began,

Is there anything more wondrous or misunderstood,

Despite futile attempts,

Others and mine,

Especially mine,

For at your side,

There is nothing but you,

Just you,

Muse.

Muse,

Sloughing off the lackluster repetitions of history,

I am here,

As I and I,

Chosen light,

Servant,

Court Jester,

Teacher and more,

To act for you,

As the peaceful unseen force that lifts your lips,

Into that perfect purse,

Aligning both the stars and your soul,

Further still with my own,

Come together two as one,

Where the Ether begs these words,

As recompense for your sparkle,

The twinkle of the window to your soul,

Telling me more than all the words I’ll ever know,

Perhaps even write,

Though for the now,

I am elated,

That again after being jaded,

I have been satisfied,

Satiated by the Ether,

And my ladies,

To honour you,

Who honours I and I and I,

With your presence,

Muse,

Your importance,

Can never and will never be understated or underrated,

Instead celebrated,

In this harmony of words,

Hastily assembled,

As my mind dances,

Faster than my fingers can comply,

Joyously,

With possibilities of possibilities,

N O W,

Muse.

 

SDM

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No Ordinary Love

Have you ever been flying in a dream,

Only, like Icarus,

Find yourself flying too close to the sun,

Wings unglued, undone,

Falling fast and free toward the ground?

Like I am now,

Beat up by the annulment

Of my two greatest desires,

Love, requited, as by my lover and wife to be,

And for the love of my child,

Purported, distorted and now, like me,

Abandoned.

 

That my dear girl,

Muse,

Is how I feel now,

Enraptured by a thought conceived,

At the moment of my conception,

Hopefully leading to a reality believed,

And then lived,

With you,

Muse.

 

For in the invitation of your smile,

I like Romeo, and you, like Juliet,

I would rather die than be without you,

Can you understand?

Will you?

Nor can I, for there is no reason,

Save those that express themselves here,

Logic,

Like a machine gun in affairs of the heart,

Where this soul bleeds missives,

Longing and desire in the trench warfare of sensations so rare,

They must not,

Not,

Be ignored,

Confused, or otherwise,

In true love,

Resistance is futile,

And this is true isn’t it?

 

Should these clever words not reveal,

The eaten core,

Of the battered history of this wounded heart,

Lets we, start anew,

Today a new beginning,

Filled with all the hope and promise we both know is real,

Genuine,

In the clever pursuit of each other,

Overcoming all obstacles,

Muse,

To disclose this mask of sorrow,

That would readily disappear tomorrow,

Should you find the conviction,

Inside these dictions,

To return,

To,

Sender.

 

Is this what happened?

Happens?

To those fabled men? Histories giants?

Captivated by those women who immediately owned their mind, body and soul,

Those men,

Like me now,

Who met their muses,

For certainly these words profess,

You are, my Muse,

Evidenced herein I wonder,

Aphrodite,

Cleopatra,

Helen of Troy,

All enchanting,

Just like you,

You.

Those words spoken,

Can not be undone,

Those feelings expressed,

Did not, do not just fade away,

True love never dies.

 

Delilah,

Eve,

Ruth,

Who though perhaps uncouth still held court,

And found their men measured and wanting,

Of them,

Each victim of Cupid’s arrow instantly beguiled,

Finding in their evolution,

For we all change,

Evolve,

Become better,

The conclusion that love,

Only love,

Is the answer.

 

Philemon,

Echo,

Eurydice,

Shall I Orpheus be?

Unleash the tormented tears of gods and nymphs alike,

As I have been bitten,

Not smitten,

Bitten by the intrinsic charms that make you the unique flower you are,

My Lily,

Shall I to the underworld,

Begging of those gods for your return,

Though this time remembering to not look back,

Until this earthly plain we have arrived,

For I do not want you to vanish,

Ever.

 

Our story,

So far, as yet, unwritten,

May be, we, like Salim and Anarkall,

You the beautiful courtesan,

And me the ordinary boy,

With an extraordinary mind,

Beautiful,

Falling for you in a moment of grace,

Where your eyes danced,

And your spirit soared,

Inspiring these words that adore,

But I can no more make you love me,

Than I can make the sun revolve around the earth,

But I do not want to watch you,

At my expense,

Entombed in front of my eyes,

Ordinary boy that I may be,

Ordinary, you,

Are not.

 

Are you my Penelope?

As Odysseus are we to be ripped apart at the seams,

Years passing,

Twenty,

Before you realize that I can, will and want to take care of you,

Ever more,

True love,

This, possible,

Is not only worth waiting for,

But is worth being without other suitors,

Ever present though they may be,

For I know what I desire,

And it is only within you,

Muse.

 

Like Pocahontas and John Smith,

From two different worlds we may be,

But the same earth we share,

And that is enough to make me feel the warmth of your soul,

With every step I take,

Electrified by the earth we share,

Where I, empowered, by your loveliness,

Of beauty I dare not speak, instead that inner resplendence,

Such that I would bear the burden of the torture,

This torture,

Literal and figurative,

Of being without you,

Where informed of my death you move on,

Only to discover years later,

That you were and are,

The only one for me,

True lovers,

Meant and destined to be.

 

Even in death I long to be with you,

Strewn across the affairs of your heart,

Like Pyramus and Thisbe,

Babylonians to the end,

Like Rapunzel are you in a tower?

May I ascend?

Freeing you from your confusion,

And all that ails you?

 

Friends though only now we have become,

A lifelong story begins with one step,

Having taken one, two, three,

Are you ready to take more?

I believe you are,

Stop fighting your desire,

Soar with me.

 

And this journey is not yet run,

While surely you are the fairest,

Doubtless,

Without equivocation,

The beast I may be,

But your beast I will be,

Bearing the burden, gleefully,

Of ensuring your every happiness,

Only to discover that your veil inside the lion’s mouth,

Makes my life no longer matter,

Such that without you,

I would pierce my own chest,

That in death we may again be reunited,

(hopefully years from now on B-612, ours)

For perhaps in seeing this dedication,

You too would see,

What may be.

Are we like Paolo and Francesca,

You, temporarily destined to Gianciatto,

While I sit in wait,

While we both read of Guinevere and Lancelot,

Finding in that tale the tale of our own,

Once upon a time and happily ever after,

Where for a brief moment,

Before our demise we know,

Truly,

What love can be?

 

Let’s hope it is not too late…

Like Eloise and Abelard,

Shall I be your tutor,

And you my teacher,

Secret advances,

While our affection grows,

A love for the ages,

Sages imparted as we find,

That the dog you seek,

Becomes the child we both crave,

Born of a rare love,

And a circumstantial tragedy,

Tearing me apart, only to rebuild me again,

Better than before

Are you ready,

Separated by a love that makes me monk and you nun,

Evermore in love,

With nothing more than these words of evidence,

And my every action too,

Of what I believe to be true,

Am willing to profess,

Dare I say,

Know.

 

Perhaps we are like Layla and Majnun,

Tragically aware, that this love can’t be,

Cultural realities,

Marital realities,

Confusion,

Won’t be,

Yet should be,

Is this love unattainable?

Our love observed by a previous lover,

Maybe jealous,

Maybe cautious,

Maybe?

Such that we are prevented from seeing each other again…

Will we see each other again?

I long to see you again,

Every moment of every day,

The eccentric that I am,

Shall I stop eating,

Further emaciating,

For without the nourishment of love,

What am I,

But lost,

Majnun,

Madman,

For you,

Muse,

Will time, space and people keep us apart,

Shakespearean tragedy and faults,

Only to lay with each other in death,

Ashes strewn wherever our hearts agree?

 

Are you ready to experiment with your life,

And mine?

Join hands once more,

Feel that fire, undeniable,

As partners,

In life,

In love,

In molding the measured existence that transcends unified string theory

And even Stephen Hawking’s mind?

Like Marie and Pierre Curie,

Shall we spend every waking hour in the pursuit of something more,

Knowledge,

Wisdom,

Understanding,

LOVE,

As I am driven by you,

To excellence,

For you are my Nobel Prize,

You are,

My Nobel Prize,

Muse,

 

And I hope that in this obvious treatise you can see,

What awaits,

Should you decide,

To return,

Love sick idiot though I may be,

I am a lover,

You’d like to know,

Discover and be,

with.

Cast aside your fears,

Your doubts,

Cast aside your confusion,

And empower this love,

I love you,

I love you,

I love you,

And that will never change,

My Hmong Key!

For we are not ordinary people

And this,

This is no ordinary love…

SDM

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Hallelujah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4

At every point,

That I have turned,

I have been disappointed,

And disappointing;

Blessed and cursed,

As I struggle to comprehend,

How I end up this way,

How we all end up this way;

Searching and not finding,

Seeking and discovering no solace,

Leading to problems of the spirit and the soul,

Crushed intentions and broken hearted,

As Leonard Cohen,

(through this beautiful rendition, extraordinary)

Tugs at the outstretched strings,

As picturesque and subtle beauty,

Only comes in black and white,

Moments of sepia exaltation,

And the only word I can spare,

Is Hallelujah?

At every point,

Of this tragic life,

Divine comedy,

I have pushed on,

Rifling,

(Though no Hemingway pulled just yet)

Pursuing,

(Though not sure of what save love)

Figuring out,

What I know,

And what I do not;

Knowing that the latter is winning that battle,

And yet, the war rages on,

Deep within,

Returning still to the faint hope,

Of the sun as it reaches a cross,

Just as it has in my life.

At every point,

I have reached toward the heavens,

The glorious celestial body from which I came,

Spiritual and not religious,

Every atom of my being,

Star dust,

The wisdom of billions of years,

Contained in this fragile frame,

As I thrash about,

Again,

Cohen beckoning me to believe,

Something,

Just not sure what,

Nor is he.

At every point,

I have found,

That I am lost,

Wandering lust fully engaged,

Doppelgangers and Black Dog’s,

The voices in my head and temporary delusions,

Polar opposites,

Attempting to know,

That which refuses to be known,

In a useless quest,

That will only leave me,

Hanging,

Crucified on my own submission,

To that tender emotion,

That is rife with terror,

Fears and in my case, always;

Abandonment.

At every point,

One way here,

Another way there,

Lonely and yet surrounded,

Never quite alone,

Never quite inside the line,

Again,

The clouds,

My tears reveal,

And again,

Leonard pulls me back,

A giant,

Pulling out of me,

Everything I have left,

But can I show it?

Did he?

Do you?

And if I do,

Then what?

Manic depression,

The continual vicissitudes,

Posited dimensions,

Whereby my demons are my shadows,

And the circles of hell constantly invite me,

Ever nearer,

To a fate we all know,

Since the moment of our first breath.

At every point,

Loathing save for when I love,

For whom I love,

Is like an angels choir,

Many voices united,

(not like those in my head)

In prayer,

But to who or what,

Is not so clear,

And if it were, would it still be so majestic?

Leonard says he has done his best,

And I know he has,

Tried,

As I have,

As I do,

Continuing daily

To begin the process anew,

Of healing,

Still torn, not tattered,

Battered but not beaten,

And yet,

For us both,

It is vain,

That we wait for something we will never know,

At least not in this life,

Could we?

At every point,

Hallelujah,

My cross screaming out to be seen,

Born as we all are,

Of suspicions and longings,

Wanting to be felt,

Aching to be known,

For what I am,

For who I am,

For when this life is over,

My words will remain;

I did my best,

And whatever you are;

He/She/It/They…

Hallelujah!

SDM

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Mon Cles Divine

With one look of your eyes,
(Those I had long since believed did not exist)
One peering glance,
(One I never thought I’d see)
You break through the chain male armor,
(Male as in Me)
Of a soul that longed for you,
(Mine)
Prayed for you,
(He/She/It/They or the Ether listened)
Dreamed of you,
(Nightly since a little boy)
With every adult fiber of my being,
(Knowing true Muse must eventually appear)
Considering virtue,
(Despite invitations from the Sirens)
Fostered by an unshakable faith,
(Two souls eventually collide)
An unprecedented belief,
(Save for those with an artistic slant)
In the power which understood,
(More than I ever could)
Acknowledged and revealed,
(With one blessed look)
The infinite wisdom,
(Of blessed truths)
Of love requited unconditional,
(For Muse is always without condition)
On a foundation,
(Rock solid)
Of daily discovery and affirmation,
(Kisses, more kisses)
Love,
(Anew and Reinvigorated)
Angelic grace,
(As your face clearly paints)
Through virtue understated,
(But not mistaken)
By you,
(In spite of my faults; Black Dogs and voices)
In the revealing reflections,
(Of mirrored souls)
Of your eyes,
(The window)
The universe unfolding,
(In multiple dimensions)
One atom at a time,
(The “God” Particle?)
Accelerated,
(With every breath)
By promise,
(At once believed)
And the realization of potential,
(Infinite loops and unified love theory)
On wings only visible,
(Less Icarus and more Cherubim)
By those that truly see,
(And I now can, see)
Through something that can’t be explained,
(Nor should it)
You have come,
(Mon Cles)
And with the grace of the tooth fairy,
(Imagined friends, less imagined)
My pillow,
(Shared)
Every morning,
(A gift from the stars)
Has born the just reward,
(Of a lifetime of want and need)
For the daring,
(I)
The curious,
(And I)
The scared,
(And I)
Who can believe, I and I and I,
(Finally)
In the sacred power,
(Of my Mistresses Serendipity and Fate)
Of a divine trust,
(Between lover and loved)
Love,
(Transcendent)
Wisdom in the revelation of this song,
(Only for you)
That glorious song,
(Syncopated breaths and beats)
All lovers hear,
(Listening to the bodies desire)
At the smack of the soul,
(Meet, Greet and Complete each other)
Manifested by the lips,
(Gleefully, more kisses)
Thank you Sages,
(For revealing to me)
Best friend, confidant, and every day more,
(Knowing what I have always known)
Unleashed,
(With a delirious chuckle and desirous smile)
Virtues eternal curiosity,
(Where these words dance)
Contemplated,
(Every moment of every day)
Love
(You).

SDM

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