Tag Archives: words

The Translation of Deceit and The Temptation of Desire

Lost in Translation…

Words,

Just words,

Right?

Just words…

Right?

It is commonly understood,

Love,

Is universal,

Felt by all,

Yet is it?

Now I am not so sure,

Me,

The very embodiment of that passionate urge,

The swelling surge,

That is as uncontrollable as the tides or gravity

And impossible to purge;

For here I am,

On wounded knee,

Felled,

Having given all of me,

And willing to give so much more,

Tempted by another’s fruit,

As the story goes,

I was,

Knowing what I was doing was wrong,

Persisting still,

Not knowing that it was to get worse,

As all things forbidden usually do;

Forbidden,

Reassured by your tender words,

The trance like innocence conveyed,

That betrayed the festering truth deep within,

Words,

Those you thought I wanted to hear,

Penetrating so,

Knowing I wanted to hear truth,

Not momentary,

But everlasting,

Convinced that what you held for me was real,

Compounded by those words you said to me,

Mocking temptress,

Vicious villain leaving me caught unaware,

In that moment,

Perhaps you expected me to say something different,

Perhaps hoping I would,

Is that the case?

I guess I’ll never know,

And in light of what has come to light,

I now don’t care.

In love,

You let me float on cloud high,

Nine and silver lined,

Seemingly higher than I have ever been before,

Realizing now the manic apparitions,

When with those words you changed me,

In an instant,

Looking into the future,

And whole lives flashing before my eyes,

My imagination wild with expectancy,

Expectant,

See,

Ripe,

As names resonated through my head,

Through my fingers,

Touching my pursed lips,

Kissing life,

Trying to find the one meaning,

That could somehow compliment what I believed we had,

But did we ever?

No,

Your deception now clear,

Intention however lost,

Despite my over thinking.

Now what I am left to consider,

As my heart cries out,

Like a lone lemming,

In search of family,

The family I believed I was starting,

That you let me believe for too long,

Was going to be real,

Finally,

In love,

A child conceived of love,

But do you know what love is?

As poison dripped from your lips,

Seeping into my veins,

And killing me from within,

For that which I could not be without,

The manipulation of my desires, dreams and aspirations,

The game you play,

Not just on me,

But all.

Do you know what love is?

Truly inside your heart and soul?
Nay, simply the wicked game,

Played by your insecurities,

Those measured imperfections,

Shadows of shadows,

Wherein you hide,

Mata Hari to your own needs,

Momentary,

Stated,

Never satiated,,

By your own despotic evil,

Webs of deception,

As in my hurt,

My eyes wide open,

Availed once more,

Of the piercing screams of my dark companion,

Lifelong,

Depression,

That woeful Black Dog.

Left to understand what you never will,

For love would not do what you have done,

Could not,

Let me feel the way I felt,

Let me believe what I did,

Including as cannon fodder,

Our families both,

A lifetime,

Forever,

A loving girlfriend, wife and mother,

The most wonderful present you offered,

And as a man, I was ready,

To stand up,

Doing whatever necessary,

To support our burgeoning family,

Nothing I would not do,

Nothing,

And I would have been for you.

But no more,

Given the chance,

No more,

Given the chance,

No more shall I beg a fool,

For surely you are,

I was;

All that you wanted and more,

Instead blinded by your own iniquity,

A fanciful insanity,

Delusions,

Not unlike my own,

Though I never had a malicious thought, nor action,

Knowingly,

But for you, I was pawn,

And you were Queen and King,

Making a jester of my thoughts and desires,

Deeper into the burrow of your sham.

All that I am,

Once,

For all of you,

For each other,

For our families,

For our child,

The full spirit of love exposed,

Expressed,

And then repressed,

As now tempered reason,

And lies exposed,

Reveal no burgeoning translation would ever be,

Now,

Wandering lost,

In cultural differences,

Secret life,

Lives,

Yours now reveal,

Very real,

Though now free,

Stinging my broken heart,

Crushing my wounded spirit,

Questions,

Endless,

That will never be answered,

Or will they?

Seemingly the truth has set me free…

Uncertainty brash and deeply hurting,

A fragment of the man I was,

To become the man I will be,

Not for you,

But for a love requited,

True,

Understood beyond the words so meaningless to you,

Hmong Key,

The ‘Key’ indeed, you were,

Words;

Ones never lost,

In translations!

SDM

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Tempted Evermore

With sullen temptation my blessed sin,

Cardinal,

I hereby admit, for I have none other,

These words undress me,

Naked I sit,

On the edge of an emotional bed,

Head down,

Longing for just one touch from she that drives me wild,

My temptress,

Muse adored in eternal moments,

Though the distance between,

Keeps us just within reach,

Looking through a window to the future,

Through the lens of the present,

For this love so grand,

Royal ascent,

That She and I embody,

Personified love, lived,

Every day,

My quill,

Aimed squarely at her soul,

Deep recesses even She is too afraid to see,

As I know,

That more than once,

My words,

And the treasured sentiments,

Will keep her in my arms,

Muse,
I surrender to you,

For you,

alone.

 

Through sullen temptation,

I channel greatness, to become giant,

Bronte, Byron, Neruda and Shakespeare,

On the bench,

Shelley, Tennyson and Keats,

Summoning the courage,

The conviction,

The only truth there is,

She and I share,

Love,

Marking the way of our separation,

Only to find connection,

Their spirits,

Imbuing me with power,

Invigorating me to invigorate you,

Muse,

Fortified with every passing moment,

For She is love,

Muse,

And I am your faithful servant,

Humbled by passion,

Emboldened by your grace,

My light shining bright in her eyes,

Her soul,

My Rock of Gibraltar and Lighthouse at Alexandria,

And I coerced to her design.

 

With sullen temptation my only sin,

I invite you to share,

This,

A splendid love,

One you’ve never known,

Nor could again,

One of a kind,

Standing more than the test of time,

But the test of humanity,

And I correspondingly submit,

That I am Yours alone,

Muse,

Evermore,

All that from a window bench and quill,

The light reflecting what is right,

The moment I saw her,

And Muse became mine,

And I hers,

Alone!

SDM

 

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Careless? (My Heart and Soul Believe Differently)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZrFS9NmX8Y

You speak of love,
I heard you,
But they are just words,
Aren’t they,
Weren’t they,
Are they
For what do you know,
(as I continue to learn more each day)
As I now wonder,
What you meant when you said you loved me,
For surely love would not do what you have done,
Love could not, would not,
Be so callous,
So unforgiving,
So uncompromising,
How could my lover,
After promising me the world,
And forever,
An unexpected child and more,
A child I have always craved,
You allowed me to float,
Soaring above the world,
The universe in your eyes,
Understanding the full context of history,
For more than a month,
Assuring me,
That what we had was real,
That it would last,
And in less than a year,
The daddy you now called me,
Words that made my soul tremble,
Would soon be the daddy,
That a child already loved would call me,
Raised toward the light;

Chosen;
Changing me,
For the better,
To be everything that I could be,
Everything that I am,
And will become,
Due to love enjoyed,
To enrich our child,
Uplift and inspire it,
Teach it well the world in which it is born,
And to aspire to the world that it could be,
You speak of love,
Yet leave me torn and broken,
Wishes of a future torn asunder,
Confused, it would seem,
Without a trace,
Of the love with which you spoke,
Claimed to have for me,
Professed as simply as any other statement,
But the sentiment it seems,
Is lost on you,
And is now lost on me,
Confused though you may be,
Love finds a way,
For surely,
This tragic loss,
Has wounded me in every way imaginable,
A pain that will endure,
Just as it had before,
Years before tragedy reborn,
And it is as if you don’t care,
Won’t care,
Can’t care,
But that is not love,
Do you love me,
I think you do,
I think your misperception has made it easier for you,
Letting go,
Giving in,
Giving up,
Without so much as an explanation,
And cowardly avoidance too boot,
But you are not a coward,
Apparently,
Awash in the cultural differences,
Between what I thought was true,
And what has quite simply revealed itself,
As the bogus words,
Of a confused and not so innocent little girl,
Whom I still love,
And always will,
Are you scared,
Of love,
Of us,
Of the challenges we must face?

Given the chance,
I know you would see,
Beyond the thin veneer,
Realizing just how sensitive I am,
Since a young boy,
Filled with hope and empathy,
Finding out how much I would give,
Could give,
For you,
For our love,
For our child,
And the future we could share,
Given the chance,
You would see how much I’ve changed,
With room always left to grow,
Given the chance,
You would discover,
That my words and actions combine,
Into a force more powerful than any known before,
You would see my tears,
And not mock them,
With feigned love,
Love,
Manifest,
Daily for you,
Given the chance,
You would see…

Can you?
Will you?
For that is what love would do,
And in my heart of hearts,
I do believe,
I shall believe that you did and do love me,
Don’t you?

And I,
I will always love you,
My Hmong Key,
And I am ready, willing and able,
To stand to any challenge,
Ravage the test of time,
To show you,
To show the world,
What real love would do,
Given the chance…

My love is true,
For you,
For now
And everlasting,
I will always be here,
For you.

Can you decide,
To be a lover,
To refuse to be so careless with another heart and soul,
Lifelong desires,
Are you strong enough,
To give us,
One more try,
Lover?

SDM

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Je Suis le Roi des Mots

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2RVvyuJnsg

Of these ruins,
My tattered psyche,
I am reborn,
With every cycle,
A revolution,
Personal, atomic and spiritual,
Always reclaiming my domain,
This mind,
King of words,
My throne,
My soul dominion,
Medicated or not these words flow,
Now choosing instead to wage this war,
With myself,
By myself,
For myself,
These words,
Mightier than all the rivers in the world,
Stronger than any standing army,
And all the weapons of all nations in history,
As has been said,
“The Pen Is Mightier Than the Sword,”
And my words are,
Mighty,
For I am transformed when I sit,
In my trance,
Dancing fingers,
Mind alive,
Fighting.

King of these words,
I hold them benevolent,
As this;
One time sullen Prince,
Unable to bear witness to their power,
Knowing it but unable to be advocate,
Profound,
For my own liberation,
I now proclaim my rightful place;

King of these words;

Words as citizens,
Sentences as my court,
Poems as knights in shining armor,
And Marion as my Muse,
Reborn thus daily,
King of these words,
Master of this house,
No longer of cards,
But instead built upon the only foundation I know,
My mind,
Blessing and curse,
Dogged as I am,
By this dreadful Black Dog,
I persist,
King,
Of these words.

Out of the ashes,
Of this fragmented mind,
Three I’s as one,
I and I and I,
Reborn,
Cycle by cycle,
Deluded not by the world I see,
But rather by the world I don’t see,
Mind alive,
Wings of fire,
Passion reigns,
As I and I,
Accuse myself of relegating I to the dungeon,
Tortured,
As the Tower of London expects me daily,
For which there is no escape,
Invisible scars,
Though I am yet to have the will or strength,
To do what I must,
Or is it here,
Just beyond the hue of my understanding?

Longing,
Struggling,
Searching,
Developing,
Growing,
Finding,
Only I can set I free,
And I must,
From this burden,
From me.

I and I and I,
Motivate daily,
Scribbles of escalating intentions,
Proclamations,
Coronations,
Less pomp, more circumstance,
In truth,
Revealed,
Without equivocation,
For if I hide from the scourge and the shame,
Perceived,
How am I to be believed,
As I have taken on this crusade,
To let others see what they cannot,
To feel what they can’t or won’t believe,
To find understanding,
Where before there was none,
Do you,
Understand?

I and I and I,
Witness to the feasibility,
Of this King Poet,
Warrior Poet King,
Testifying that one day,
These sullen cycles of depression and angst,
Will be cast away,
Conquered,
Or at least mitigated,
By force of will,
Running as I have,
From the pharmaceutical nightmare,
That plagued me,
Worse than my dog itself,
As,
Je suis le roi des mots,
I am King,
Of these,
Words.

SDM

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S.S. Warrior Poet

Tormented by a past I can’t erase,
Tried,
Though I have,
I am sounding the alarm of my own demise,
For though I was born to love,
Its absence is killing me,
Not softly,
Rather intensely,
As my lucid insanity ravages within,
Tempestuous,
As in this tea pot,
I am stewing, steeping and reaping,
Not which I have sown,
But instead,
The opposite,
Polar,
Bi,
Daily battles waged,
In a continuous war,
Wherein this fog,
I am prisoner,
To forces you don’t see,
Cannot conceive of,
Or even understand,
Realities,
Only I can know,
Resistance, it’s true,
Is futile,

crashing waves of Serotonin, Melatonin and Dopamine, RUSH;
As I have self medicated,
I have wagered on scientific intervention,
Only to discover,
Eureka,
That I and I alone,
Can right this ship,
S.S. Warrior Poet,
In uncharted waters,
Treacherous,
With clouds, heavy,
On the horizon,
But for me,
There is, can be, no safe harbour.
Save love,
Love save me,
Low that voyage is more S.S. Minnow than I care to admit,
Deserted island,
Of I and I and I,
Surfing endless waves of discontent,
Battling with a rudderless ship,
Logic and reason,
Freed,
In literal moments,
Of figurative understanding,
Pretending,
Portending,
Out of control,
Yet the Ether condemns me,
To these words,
And my chemistry to this plight,
Despite all challenges,
I continue,
Must continue,
Will continue to fight,
Myself.

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Numinous Revelations

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBh3ZWoDzuo

I feel the benevolent flowing through my veins,
I mean sincerely to suggest that I am,
No longer filled with blood,
I am nothing but words,
Stanza after stanza,
Comma after comma,
Flushed through my being,
As water finds the path of least resistance…

And I wonder do you feel the same,
Do you feel like I do,
That the benevolent flows through you?
May I flow through you?
May I flow,
Like liquid gold,
Into the many crevices of you,
Creating an idol of our mutual consent,
An idol of required emotion,
And furious passion,
My loins yearn for you,
As does my amygdala,
Comma after comma…

I feel the benevolent flowing through me,
My limbs alive with words like;

Magnanimous
Fruitless
Penniless
Pauper
Fool…

Am I a fool?

Negligent in the way that I propose these commas,
Do you understand?
Can you?
Will you… Let me be for you,
What you have always dreamed,
Surely you have dreamed,
And did not yet know… it is I and I and I,
Let me be for you,
The glue that holds your sanity shredded together,
Let me be for you,
Madonna and Whore,
Muse and Siren,

GRACE.

Understood through transient glimpses,
Those unlock your soul,
And let me dangle…

Am I a fool?
May I be your fool…

I long to be your monkey… 5 words at a time.

Do I drip with sarcasm,
That needs to be wiped from my lips,
As love has been from my life,
Do I ooze sardonicism,
In this prolific unraveling,
Of all that is me,
Because of the benevolent,
Is it my fault?
It has to be my fault!

It is my fault… drip, drip, drip…

I’m coming for you,
Will you come for me…

Drip, drip, drip…

I feel the benevolent flowing through my veins,
No wonder that I am fragmented,
Torn and tormented,
Tortured and surrendering,
As the power of the prismatic glory,
Drenches out from my pores,
Into your consciousness,
I and I and I intoxicated,
By the very promise and possibility of you,
The promise,
Love unyielding,
The possibility daily conveyed,
These words do touch you,
As I and I and I,
Unsure,
Though I know,
The benevolent commands it…

Here I come…

Drip, drip, drip…

It is my fault!

Though the benevolent among you,
Correct me,
Embrace me,
Envelop me,
You turn me on…

Correct I and I and I,
Feel the power,
The numinous realizations,
Of an empathy,
Unraveled,

It is my fault…

Will you still love me?

SDM

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Close Your Eyes

Close your eyes, have no fear

Pray I,
Will you submit,
Allow me this courtesy of gestures rare,
Placing my hands upon you,
Pray you,
Feel the warmth of my soul,
The immediate sensation liberating me,
Undeniable the effect your aura inspires,
My deepest thoughts now fade away,
Firmly rooted in you and only you,
Momentarily,
As our souls ,
Like universal waves,
Crash into our consciousness,
Let silence reign as they commune,
Our souls,
Two alike,
Both searching for something more,
Meaning in a life that has become cluttered,
Affected by the constant drone of so called advance,
Pray I,
Close your eyes,
Leave that world behind,
As I entreat,
Feel the powerful intention,
Of one reaching out for another,
Of me reaching out for you,
Hoping, no, knowing if you shall let me,
I will
Stroke your insecurities,
While acknowledging mine,
Silence still our beacon,
Words unnecessary,
As our eyes meet,
Gleaming from unspoken sensibilities,
Conducting a survey of the emotional feast before us,
The physical entrapments,
Of our own intense design,
That tonight we may be free from worry or constraint,
Pray I,
Together,
Inhibitions lost,
Paradise found,
That tonight,
We may dream a dream a thousand times or more,
Let’s defy the laws of time and space,
And stay blessedly trapped,
In a moment such as this,
Live out a reality that seeks to change our conceptions,
Unshackle our reticence,
In a moment,
That precise moment where we have thrown caution to the wind,
Hand in hand,
Guided by a creeping suspicion,
That something new and wondrous,
Has rung a bell,
And that a new round has begun,
The life cycle of passionate resonance,
Can you feel it,
Will you allow yourself to luxuriate,
Will you allow freedom to inflict upon your soul,
The waves of a resolute blushing craze,
To touch you,
To reverberate through your spirit,
To enchant,
To pilot you to an endearing collapse,
Celebrating anew,
Pray I you,
Close your eyes,
Feel the tender warmth,
Without words,
You effect with such ease,
Have no fear,
Fear not the unmistakable,
What is expressed in this quiet room,
Silent,
On this delightful night,
No matter where we shall be,
Concern and consideration not our reward this night,
As I adore you,
Placing my hands,
Wishing the invitation of your great esteem,
That so stunningly radiates from your frame,
That so perfectly conceals the giant within,
Pray I,
That together we might know peace,
Of mind,
Of body,
And soul,
Dreaming as lovers do,
Laughing as children might,
Thinking as sages repressed,
Giving in,
To that initial touch,
Pray I…

Close your eyes, have no fear.

Come back… to me!

SDM

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